#because of that job and he'll be gone most of the summer and wont have much cell service

[applyjuicee]

hey Google what does it mean if the person you like barely speaks to you but asked you to be a reference for a job and wears the bracelet you made them? asking for a friend of course

#anyway #fml heres a long detailed explanation in the tags because the notes app is Not Cutting It anymore #basically im a stage manager in college and my school has us work on dept productions and we can work on student projects outside work etc #the guy i like does lighting and sound for the program #so we were working on a show together this semester and i dropped it because the director was being Extremely Unreasonable #and i could not communicate with her At All #but he did not drop the show because he was just doing sound design for a musical #so for the past month or so i have been Actively Avoiding the show he is working on because it was emotionally scarring and i cant be there #but that also means that i have a different perspective about the show than he does #so when we talk about the show theres a little bit of disconnect about How we are talking about it #and thats pretty all consuming in terms of we go to school for theatre and this is The Show that is being put on so everyone talks about it #but its way more upsetting for me than it is for him #in a managable way and i can def handle talking about it in most environments #but that show just closed and now we're in finals and we're taking a generals class together and i asked if he wanted to take #the practice final together and he said yes so we went to go do it and he 1 did not talk and 2 finished way faster than me and left #i know hes busy but hello????? #and now we're working on a student show together as equal members of the design team (me scenic him lighting) #and the job he asked me to be a reference for hired him and he won't even be at the performances of the show #because of that job and he'll be gone most of the summer and wont have much cell service #and neither of us are really texters anyway #and also we're working on another dept production in the fall but im his stage manager which is a little bit of a power dynamic #also im a senior and hes a sophomore so that adds a little to the concept of me having more power in the context of at least our #professional relationship if not our personal relationship #but if we're working on shows together and taking classes together and i have to see him every goddamn day ill lose my mind #but if i say something and he says he feels the same and then he fucks off for the summer i will also lose my mind #so i have decided not to say anything until he comes back and or hope that it fades and there wont be anything to say #but he messaged our discord tonight to see if anyone wanted to play games at fuckin 10:30 at night #and a few people said yeah so we went to a park and he barely acknowledge me all night #he didnt make any jokes about how i cant catch a football and i cant hit a volleyball and i cant breathe well enough to run #all of which he can do and he played football in high school and i was on the fucking yearbook committee