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r-e-b-a-l-a-n-c-e · 4 years

Text

05/28/2020

Are you ever filled with a sense of wrongness? It’s that feeling in the pit of your stomach and it feels like you’re internally twisting and squelching the urge to scream? That’s me writing this post right now! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I missed a few days and now the posts are out-of-order and if I ever decide to post about the missed days in the future and it kills me inside... OMG, I think my eyes are tearing up. SOMEONE PLEASE GET ME A MAN WITH BIG, STRONG ARMS TO ROCK ME! This is not a drill! 😭

...

Let’s move on. 👉🏾👈🏾

Today resulted in a shift in my lifestyle that will hopefully be used as a benchmark for the many days to come. For the past 2 weeks, my sleeping schedule has been so unhealthy to the point where I’ve been consistently sleeping through 3+ alarms. Never in my life had it gotten so bad and a bish could only admit she was sick when she was would stare at herself in the mirror at 4AM while taking a piss. 😫

But today was different! Lemme give you the rundown:

Slept at 1AM which is amazing for me LOL.

6:30-7:30AM: Woke up and worked out (arms)!

Cardio (20 mins): Ran 1 mile in 15 mins.

Did a cool down for an additional 5 mins listening to my bihh Bree Runway.

Daily Arm Workout (7 mins): Holly’s Quick + Intense Arm Workout

Arm Workout 1 (10 mins): Pamela’s Toned Arms Workout

Arm Workout 2 (7 mins): Tracy Campoly’s Bat Wings II

Stretch (15 mins)

7:30-9:00AM: Made cute egg sandwiches and a superfood smoothie with my Mom.

First thing she said to me this morning was that she was proud of me. That’s all an immigrant’s daughter wants to hear! 😭

9:00-9:30AM: Met my “buddy”/mentor at work and he’s amazing.

Imma be honest... My last internships onboarding sucked and it followed me throughout the year.

My first day consisted of setting my environment with tools I’ve never heard of. A lot of information was thrown my way and it went over my head. That’s normal.

However, what wasn’t normal was that I was watching Udemy courses for 1.5-2 weeks! Like COME ON! You really don’t know what to do with me!

And then I get my first task in the infamous backend with no understanding of the technologies used and how to build/test. I was assumed to know...

It was so bad... How do you ask for help when you don’t even know where to begin or how to articulate the question? I never received a proper full demo of the product and was never given a walkthrough of the codebase.

This pissed me off later because I saw the same buddy I was assigned to on my first team give a demo and multiple codebase walkthroughs with a new hire. So they were worthy of it but not me? OK, I see what’s up.

Overall, my onboarding killed my confidence and made me scared to ask anything because I felt like such an inconvenience. It took me months to break me out of it (although I appeared confident and happy). I sometimes get sad thinking about it now, but I’m not solely to blame. Took me a long time to understand that.

It helped when I compared my onboarding with the other intern group that came later and led some of the workshops. Saw how clueless they were too and how I was never given the same opportunities to learn in a guided environment.

My manager (who was so kind and genuine) saw how bad it was and apologized for it. He was the only one who pushed for me to have ownership on a project, and my buddy even protested giving it to me. Why did they underestimate me so much...

But for my current internship? A-M-A-Z-I-N-G so far!

I have already received two demos of the product.

I’ve been told specifically about upcoming projects the team will be undertaking and given expectations.

Have a couple of codebase walkthroughs already scheduled!

Given quick, easy-to-digest resources for serivces I am unfamiliar with.

And the best thing... My buddy doesn’t assume any of my knowledge and I know I’ve been impressing him with how quick I’ve been so far (it helps when you’ve worked at the company before LOL). it actually boggles my mind how much support I’m getting from him and I’m so appreciative.

9:30-10:00AM: Met the rest of the team. Again, this meeting was facilitated by my buddy and he warned me about the questions they would ask me. I don’t deserve him 😭 ACTUALLY... NO, I DO HAHA! His investment will pay off. 💪🏾

10:00AM-1:30PM: Intern Orientation

This was lowkey painful as it was so long and it repeated a lot of information I already knew.

It picked up near the end as the interns got more active in the chat and created a discord server and a few slack channels. 🤗

1:30PM-5:00PM

I ate food somewhere in this time frame...

Worked on fixing some of my backend problems with my buddy.

Finished a training video for new hires.

Made a record of all I did thus far on GitHub.

The remainder of my day:

Spent time in the backyard with the fam. Today is a celebratory day for my people in successfully overthrowing a terrorist regime in Ethiopia.

My mom decorated the backyard. My parents were forcing me to take videos/put them on live to share with their friends LOL.

My mom dressed a life-sized ratchet Barbie doll in the Ethiopian flag and Akira (my dog) was running for his life away from it. 🤣🤣

I played one game of skribble.io with some interns. They were so cute and one of the girls reached out to me and recognized me from a panel. 🤪 She kept saying it was my energy/style that made me recognizable and I was so flattered. 🥺

Finished the group registration for Ada’s Team (something I forgot about and was putting off. Finally did it though!)

Caught up with people from the Ethiopia COVID-19 Response Team slack and gave updates.

Some random person reached out to me and was gushing how amazing I was. 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 I looked into him and he works at Amazon -- a bish wasn’t ready for the love!

...

I wrote so much WTF. WHY THO?!

Whatever, this was therapeutic. Starting this internship and comparing it with my previous one has has reignited the toxic resentment I have towards my onboarding experience. Thank you Mimi, Aysha, and Tumblr for facilitating my healing as now I realize I have a problem I need to deal with LOL.

OK, that’s enough! Goodnight. 😘

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