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#bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh whatever i'll deal w it and if i unalive So Be It you know
garlique
·
3 years
Text
no offense but if im actually entering genuine autistic burnout and not just stressed abt finals im gonna be so pissed
#honestly i truly dont care what my deal is right now as long as it is DONE by june
#and yes of course im scaring myself by reading accounts of autistics who burnt out and didnt recover for months or years
#i know that like it PROBABLY wont last much past the end of june because thats when im gonna get to settle into my summer
#so even if it is genuine burnout idk i think i will be fine soon
#but if i enter genuine long term burnout i truly dont even know what i could do because like
#there is no way i could do school
#there is no way i can go home
#like. if im going into burnout and it continues thru next semester i can see like. how it could ruin my entire future
#or at least what i want to be my future rn
#and yes yes yes i know i am aware that failure is not that bad and once i fail once it'll be easier to do it again and
#that if my life derails rn it will be fine because im fucking 20 i have so long
#but i dont WANT it you know. i want to keep going
#that the whole reason why i havent given up this semester like i just straight up dont want to
#i dont think failure will actually be good for me . there . u know
#i really really really dont want to be burning out i dont want to acknowledge it i dont want to deal w it
#everything is so hard now i had to be in public for like 20 minutes longer than i thought i did earlier today
#and the shutdown that it caused derailed my entire afternoon
#which like ... is not good and is not normal for me ive been way better at dealing with things in the past its weird and scary and weird
#bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh whatever i'll deal w it and if i unalive So Be It you know
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