#but I knew SOMETHING about marriage was supposed to be mysterious and exotic and self-denying

[rabbits-of-negative-euphoria]

hot take I think the sexes would be much happier if we just accepted each other as mysteries instead of constantly shaming one for not being more like the other.

like, personally, in my own life, the whole idea of romance & marriage became way more exciting and attractive when I ditched the notion that men are just bigger stronger women, or women are just smaller prettier men.

like. not only is it okay that men are from mars and women are from venus, it's good.

do I know what's going on in my guy friend's head? I used to think I did, but it turns out I don't. Turns out I've never known what was going through the heads of any of the men in my life. And you know what? what a relief. he can do or say things that don't make sense to me, and they don't have to make sense to me. I know he's a smart, good-hearted guy; I can safely assume he had a reason for saying or doing that thing. And if I listen to him over time, I may even start to understand what that reason was. But I don't have to. What I can recognize instead is that each sex has a wisdom in their way of thinking and doing which befits given situations. More often than not, a situation requires both.

But you simply can't get both from one person, and you shouldn't demand it. And what a relief knowing my guy friend doesn't expect guy thoughts and behavior from me.

#- HK #I think this is why I used to be so into foreign guys and the idea of an international marriage #because I was under the impression that men and women are fundamentally the same in the head #but I knew SOMETHING about marriage was supposed to be mysterious and exotic and self-denying #cue a language/culture barrier #M/F #x #(an added bonus is that I have gotten WAY better at writing dudes) #I think the focus on toxic empathy in our culture has played a part in this as well #where empathy is the process by which you put yourself INTO THE HEAD of the other person #well no one can do that. but that especially can't be done between sexes. AND WE DON'T HAVE TO #COMPASSION does not require the plumbing of someone's mind / heart