#but for real. we know how badly fitz handles losing the people he loves

[mellowthorn]

Do you all ever think about how Fitz must have felt immediately after the Fool's Fate breakup? Like, before he begins properly courting Molly and using that as an escape, back when he still lives in Buckkeep? He largely speeds through this era in his narration, but how was it actually like for him, living through it day by day?

Waking up in the bed of Chade's workroom, expecting to feel the Fool's back against his, but then realizing that no one's there. Listening to nobles and servants gossip about Lord Golden and when asked, having to come up with some sort of an explanation, all the while trying not to show just how much even the mention of him hurts.

Walking past the door to Lord Golden's chambers and resisting the urge to try to pull it open, just in case the Fool might still be there (even if he knows that it would be impossible). Reciting the poem the Fool left him over and over in his mind, searching for any clue that might hint to his return, yet finding nothing. Drinking apricot brandy alone.

For the first time since he was a boy, having to live without either his Wit-bond to Nighteyes, or his Skill-link to the Fool. All by himself, entirely disconnected from the two beings who made him whole.

#i got carried away imagining this and now im very very very sad #but for real. we know how badly fitz handles losing the people he loves #we saw how he reacted to nighteyes and molly's deaths and to chade briefly abandoning him in AA and to burrich and molly's 'betrayal' in AQ #yet this is the one 'mourning period' he refuses to describe at all. and it happens immediately after he regains his full emotions #so it really can't have been good #rote #realm of the elderlings #rote spoilers #fool's fate spoilers #fool's fate