#but i dont want to go through the nexxt five years just.not improving at all at something i love so much :((

[matchandelure]

fhjmsdfhjglks feeling kind of frustrated at a lot of things

#sometiems i feel that maybe i set goals that are too ambitious #good grades in classes. internship prep. learning how to be independant and do adult stuff in general #working out regularly eating balanced meals getting enough sleep every night taking care of skin. overlall physical wellbeing #while also trying to make time for hobbies especially art... #ive been sucked into a rather strong loop of comparison.. bc i recentl ylooked through my old art when i went back home #and im so sad at how little ive improved. and i know that everyone learns and imrpoves at different rates #and i have more important things to focus on such as completeing this degree completely unrelated to art #but i dont want to go through the nexxt five years just.not improving at all at something i love so much :(( #but everyday this past almost two terms of school. i never finish the work i need to before i go to sleep #everytime i do finish everything its time to repeat the whole cycle all over again #and whne i do get time to draw im so tired that all i can amnage are some scribbles..which means my technical skills arent improving atall #bc i dont have the energy to study even ifi its something i love #which iguess ispart terrible self discipline which i need to work on but sometimes i just wnat to shut my brain off and doodle mindlessly #bc i dislike my program :((( eww math ewwwww compsci #and i want a distraction from it whenever possible because if i have to calculate the eigenspace corresponding to an eigenvalue of a matrix #one more time i am going to cry #im tired gnight #willows rambling branch