#but i slept HORRIBLY last night and woke up with a headache that wouldn't go away no matter what i did

[whumptimebaby]

Writing Practice??

Y'know, there aren't very many writing drills that I do, but if I'm bored I will do random writing practice, and today I stood in a lot of lines, sooo

I thought I'd share! Even though this little blurb doesn't have anything to do with any of my wips, it is still part of my process, and it's my blog I'm gonna subject you to the bits of narration I wrote today 👺

It's unfinished, unedited, boring, mediocre, and authentic! I think that's something that is important to share. I'm not like, a big-shot author by any means, but I know there are people who like what I create, and get inspired to create from reading my fics (and that means everything to me, it makes me really emotional just to think about 🥲), and I think it's important when you're in a position like that to show the mediocre, the unpolished, the things that you aren't proud of, because in all honesty, most of what I write is absolute unusable garbage! And that's okay!

Anyways, the writing is below the cut!

After feebly (read unsuccessfully) trying to figure out if Hellevator had different ride cycles, they took to using their phone timer. The only thing that *could* be different was the time the ride waited before launching up, and the time that the ride waited before dropping.

It was a good pastime while they cooled off, and waited for the tiny nibblings of food they'd consumed to settle before catching another ride. They wanted to hit the new one at some point, and maybe (finally) catch a ride on the drop tower in question, but for now, to ease their drop tower anxiety, they would time it.

Operations were slow, and time between cycles was long, so they found themselves waiting a significant amount of time.

All things considered though, the park wasn't too busy. Definitely nowhere to sit, but that didn't matter too much.

For the second time in a row, the ride dropped after eleven seconds. They would wait one more time though, just to make sure.

If the log flume was open, the cooling off thing would have been a lot easier, and a lot quicker. Just grab a ride and you're soaked, but it hadn't opened for the season yet.

They thought about the other rides they wanted to hit. Kettle Creek Mine Ride was the only coaster worth riding (that was open anyway), and it definitely wasn't something they wanted to miss.

That made their current list Hellevator, Kettle Creek Mine Ride, and the new flat ride they'd added this year.

The new ride stuck out like a soar thumb, sleek and colourful in a park full of old charm. That didn't matter too much though. It looked like a cool ride. Each car fit a single rider, and after watching it cycle a few times earlier in the day, it looked pretty intense. The bright purple, orange, and pink gave it a mystical, almost fire-like glow in the beating sun.

Another cycle of Hellevator, another elevens seconds, and they knew all that they needed to. They were still gonna put it off, but that was a later issue. For now, they were gonna check if that new ride was open.

It wasn't. They'd have to check back in later.

So they rode SBF Visa Figure Eight coaster, which had much more kick than anything by SBF Visa should. It was themed to ladybugs, and they wondered who's idea it was to theme hell itself to something as innocent as a cute insect.

Intense was not the right word for the coaster. It wasn't intense, it was uncomfortable. For a 2018 addition, it had no right to be as rough as it was, nor did a ride without over the shoulder restraints have the right to have a head banging problem.

After leaving the satan-spawned hunk of metal behind, they passed Hellevator again (no they didn't, they just chickened out of riding it... again), and got in line for Kettle Creek Mine Ride. A backseat ride was about the closest thing to a solid coaster experience as they were getting.

Just to their right stood the glorious, beautiful, wild wooden coaster. She was gorgeous, and easily the best attraction at the tiny amusement park. Maybe the best in all of of western Canada.

But it wasn't operating that day, so they were stuck with the tiny mine train. The line of which moved at a snail's pace.

That's what happened when coasters only run one train. The only redeeming factor was the single position lap bars, allowing for some killer ejector if you got lucky enough to sit in the back.

To make matters even more irritating, the group behind them knew absolutely nothing of what they were talking about.

They tried to be patient with people who didn't know better, they really did. The three guys behind them were intimidated by rides meant to look intimidating. Where was the harm in that?

It still got under their skin though. Maybe it was the heat, the sun laid a thick sheet of warmth on the back of their neck like an unwanted breath, that was probably the real reason they were annoyed. Alas, the guys blabbered on about how The Beast was a ride to be feared, when it was arguably less intense than the coaster they were in line for.

Luckily for them, being a single rider not only cut their time in line short, but also landed them their favourite seat. Maybe being at a park full of people who aren't enthusiasts was a good thing. Listening to people calling a flat ride a coaster? Annoying sure, but in the grand scheme, sitting in the back was well worth it.

With a whole one of their goal rides behind them, they were a little discouraged. Hellevator wasn't getting less nerve-wracking, and the new ride, newly discovered to be named Sky-something-or-other, still wasn't operating.

They took a seat near the restaurant, in the shade, but also in a spot where they couldn't see either attraction. They were starting to doubt they were ever gonna get to Hellevator. Maybe it was just a ride that they needed a friend for. Maybe that wasn't something to be ashamed of.

It wasn't a safety issue. They knew everything about the intimin drop tower that stood before them. It was the anticipation that killed them.

Sitting, waiting for the ride to launch up, and then sitting, waiting for the ride to drop.

If there was none of that, they'd be fine! Somewhere not so far back in their mind, they understood that it wasn't all that different from a lift hill.

Except on a lift hill, you know exactly how much further you have to go before you drop. Even knowing the amount of time it took to launch on Hellevator, they couldn't count reliably enough to eradicate the "oh my god, when's it gonna drop?" thorn in their brain.

They would come back another time, and ride Hellevator with a hype man. Yeah. That would work. A hype man who could count to eleven consistently.

With that, they were left to rerides, or maybe food? They were finally starting to cool down enough to actually feel hungry.

And in all honesty, with the new ride still not operating and the wooden coaster down for maintenance, they didn't really have much interest in rerides anyway. Maybe it was time to wrap it up? Grab some mini donuts and call their ride?

Their ride was still an hour away, go figure.

They watched The Beast cycle. The line was significantly longer than the twenty minute wait they'd been in earlier in the day. If they had one piece of advice for people coming to this park for the first time, it would be to hit The Beast first, because no matter how long the line is at opening, it would triple by the end of the day.

The Beast was easily the best flat ride at the park, no questions asked. It was worth a ride, just maybe not a two hour wait to get on.

It was a pendulum ride, one of their favourite models. They never understood what made pendulum rides scary to the general public, even back when they weren't an enthusiast. To them, it was barely different from a big swing. The sensation of the air hitting their face, the slight floater airtime when you reach the highest point, it just wasn't a particularly rough or fast ride.

#me: i love amusement parks! #also me: complains about amusement park as writing practice #i had a good time i swear #i really did!! i just did the fun stuff first #back when the lines were shorter so i didn't need to write to pass the time #those three guys behind me annoyed me way more than they should have LMAO #i seriously try not to judge people i really really do #but i slept HORRIBLY last night and woke up with a headache that wouldn't go away no matter what i did #and it was HOT #so my patience was at zero istg #mr man was going back and forth like 'am i gonna ride the beast?' MAKE UP YOUR MIND #JUST RIDE IT #side note: why do people go to amusement parks if they aren't gonna ride things? #not theme parks i understand theme parks #but amusement parks??? a park that is pretty much exclusively rides?? #anyways whatever 😭 #BACK TO THESE MEN BECAUSE #normally this kind of conversation doesn't ruffle me too much #but they were talking SO LOUD #and they were standing so close to me it looked like we were part of the same group #like 😐 give me space please #😐 i'm not partaking in your 'should i? no. yes?' ritual #BUT I HAD FUN 😭 I SWEAR I DID 😭

[pbandjesse]

Today was exhausting and I have a horrible headache right now. But it was not a bad day. It was just a lot.

I slept better last night. I think having the fan on did help. Wasn't so quiet. When I woke up my alarm went off and I felt pretty good. James came and gave me a hug and they made the bed while I went to go get dressed. I didn't feel great about my clothes today. But it was fine. I would feel cute eventually. The problem really was I was cold but I didn't know what to wear I would also just too tired to think of a better outfit. I did appreciate that this dress has pockets. Because the black girl had yesterday does not. So even if they look very similar they are very different.

I checked on my mice and they were doing pretty good. Every warmed up their heating pad and fed them and then James helped me carry things to the car. And they told me I better be safe and that they would only be safe if I was safe. Which seems fair. And then they biked off and I took a moment to settle myself before I drove to camp.

I would go and drop my mice off in the girls between. And hope that Mom mouse would come find them. But I was not that lucky because as soon as I walked in there I found two more mice. I was so mad. That was not the plan. I just put them in with the other two and hoped for the best.

And for real for the first hour I was there I was just running back and forth to different buildings just getting the last pieces to set everything up. Was stupidly stressful for some reason. I just feel like I wasn't awake. Like I wasn't that tired but I was not thinking things through and not getting everything I needed. And then I went to get the schedules and I realized I accidentally gave them an hour and 45 minutes for lunch which messed up the whole afternoon. So I had to fix that and reprint them and then I went to the lodge to make sure everything was set up and then I didn't have anywhere to plug my laptop in so I had to figure out how to get an extension cord with the whole thing. And then I found an extension cord but it only had two prongs and so that wouldn't work. Thankfully Elizabeth would find something in the office that I could use and it would all work out but man was that stressful.

It was really grateful for my co-workers today making the program work so well. I hope they do come to me with some feedback because I know that I can trust them. And the kids today work right. They did come late which was fine. We started at 10:00. And I was able to get everything going basically right away. We were able to push the whole day about 15 minutes and that worked out wonderfully.

I really enjoyed this group. Just really nice kids. And enthusiastic. I love enthusiasm. And with both my intro and with brush making They were just all in and they did such a good job.

I did decide after watching the makeup brushes that we cannot use blue. Well ideally you would use glue they're just isn't enough time and it makes too big of a mess. So we're going to get more tape and string and that's just going to be the way we're going to make them from now on. Which honestly will make them sturdier for what they're doing today. And I ran around and helped a few people but everyone made brushes and all of the chaperones were awesome. It was a great way to start.

Once they were done I sent each group off with one of my co-workers. Elizabeth was awesome with fixing the schedule and getting all of the numbers done. Because I would have spent so much time figuring that out.

And doing that first half hour I would clean all of the tables so that they would be nice for lunch. And during second half hour I would do a loop and then sit down for a few minutes just to catch my breath.

I found an interesting little cluster of mini mushrooms. Pictured above. I thought that they were a plastic cow buried upside down but when I touched them they were mushrooms. It was very surprising.

I had a talk with the groups leader and showed him the mushroom picture. And we talked about having a hike at the end of the day. He originally had asked to do a fire but he changed his mind. And I said that it was probably fine but we should check with Elizabeth. And he was like okay but I could also tell that he didn't understand why I wasn't just saying yes. I don't really have that authority. And I also don't know any of the trails. So I didn't want to leave anyone in the wrong direction.

So at lunch they would talk about that and they were kind of a kerfuffle about it because none of their chaperone teachers wanted to walk so it was a little unsure about ratios and having enough people and it was a little strange. But it was fine. We would work it out.

And the last two programs went so well. I did my loops and checked on everyone and everything seemed to be going great. I haven't gotten any feedback that there were disasters yet. And everyone seemed like they were having a great time. Elizabeth said that she only heard one curse word all day. Which was when a child was struggling to use our fire sticks and just said that he was "sick of this shit". Which is objectively funny so you can't get in trouble when things are funny. But overall I was just here in a lot of positivity and laughing and it was good.

Plus it was just a beautiful day. I have been very cold in the morning but once it warmed up and I was able to just be in my T-shirt I felt pretty good. I was very happy with my shoe choice but the inside of my shoes has a hole in the lining that bothers the underside of my foot. I had put medical tape on it and that had held for a while but it seems like it's not holding anymore and I'm annoyed by that. I'll fix it but it's fine for now.

After our last program the plan was to have everyone come and meet at the totem pole and then go on a hike with Elizabeth in the front. I was going to join them. It was under the rest but I was still going to do it. I have been walking around knitting all day. I had figured out how to shove my ball of yarn in the folds of my tied t-shirt. But then as they were getting ready to leave some of the chaperones handed me a couple things to take back to the lodge and so I did that and I told Elizabeth I would catch up. But I never caught up.

Not for lack of trying but I couldn't figure out where they were. I could hear them because there were 50 people walking in a group. But I couldn't figure out which direction to go and I'm not very fast. So instead I just went up to the art building and cleaned up pigments socelia wouldn't have to worry about it. And then I went to the lodge to start cleaning up over there.

And we finished up and I said thank you to everyone and it was great. I do wish we would have gotten a little bit of a closing but it's good It's not a huge loss. They were very sweet kids and it was a good day.

Jesus was I exhausted. I was just so tired. The feet hurt so much and I just wanted to sit down but I knew that there was so much to do still. I started packing things up while Nick and Sarah were starting to wipe down and pack at the tables and chairs. They would also sweep with Celia. And I would go and get my car. I made a stop at the office to ask about paint for tomorrow and they said I should go grab Joe who had just parked up top. So I went up there and asked him and he asked if I could drive him to Tlingit to his paint shed storage. I had never been in there before so I drove up with him and we talked about how annoying it is when the car does not turn off all the way when you turn off the engine. And he gave me the paint and we chatted and it was nice. He's such a nice guy.

Then I worked on collecting old stuff. Appreciate my coworkers putting all of the things in the boxes for me. I had to make one stop at the art building and then go to the lodge to get the last of the things before I came back to the building again. But that was totally fine. And I got everything into the art shed and then put my fibers boxes on the tables to start resetting them.

I'm definitely going to have to spend some time making a reserve of all of my materials. Because while it doesn't take very long. I am so tired after the program that this just kind of a nightmare of two reset them. I think having no glue will help the next one. But I laid everything out and I figured out a good system. I had a video going and I was most of the way down when Celia came up and asked if she could help. I sent her to go find me more sticks. Because I need a hundred sticks every time. And she did a very good job finding sticks that were all the same size. Well I finished resetting the bags and making sure that all of the boxes have the same material and enough of everything.

Once that was done she left and I collected walkies and put them in my car with my laptop and drove down to the office.

The next 40ish minutes we would spend debriefing with Elizabeth. The group really enjoyed the day but next week we're having 90 kindergarteners. And they want it to be free choice. First of all. I love free choice. I think it's great idea and it's really really good. Within reason. There needs to be parameters and boundaries. And they want to have those. But when you're doing it with 90 kids it can get outrageous at the very quickly. And I don't know if any of us are really set up or ready for that. It would be different if they were running the programs but they still want us to run them and we don't really have lessons that are pop up. So I don't exactly know how we're going to do this.

I'm in charge of arts and crafts so I'm going to have a great time. And I suggested that I do a community painting. And asked if I could buy a drop cloth. Elizabeth said that it sounded good to her. And she gave me her work credit card and told me I could leave whenever I want. I took a minute to sit and complain with them about how it's not fair to ask a facility staff to change the way they do things when we are not employees of other company. Like we are not doing things the way that you do them but if you want to do anyway you should have your staff do it. But whatever. I still really enjoy them I just hope that we can come to a meeting of the mines and an agreement on the way we're going to proceed.

I would follow Elizabeth to her car because she had to figure out where her purse was. And when she gave me her card and reminded me to get a receipt I drove up to the girls the train to see if mice were still there.

This is a mixed bag. My two boy mice that have been thriving so much last night and we're still in the box. I was not thrilled I was hoping that Mom would have come and taken them. But there were two more mice on the ground. A boy and a girl. And they were not doing good. They were cold and the one was covered in spider webs. They were still moving but barely. I put them in the box. But the two I found this morning were not there anymore. I have no idea if one of the two I found this afternoon or the same ones. And then my two boys from last night were cold too because the little jar of formula I had left in there with them had not been closed all the way or something and had spilled all on the inside and so the rags that they have been cuddled in or damp. And everyone was so cold. I was so upset.

My first plan was to try to warm them up so I collect it all four of them and I put them in my shirt and tried to keep them warm for a few minutes but I realized that wasn't working and my best bet was to just finish my errands and get them home and try my best to warm them up then.

Put them in the car and wash my hands and then went to the Amish market.

I've been looking forward to this all day. I was going to get pretzels for me and pretzel hot dogs for James and a couple other treats. And it was great. I got out there after getting stuck in a little bit of traffic. And it was busy because they were having a sidewalk sale but I got everything that I wanted and everyone was so nice and I got two pretzels, two hot dogs pretzels, mini cheesecakes, cinnamon buns, two whoopie pies, and six deviled eggs. For less than $30. Amazing.

After that I drove down the street to go to home Depot. The drop cloth sizes were very bizarre so I hope the one that I picked works out the way that I'm imagining it will. I paid for that and I think the guy thought I was Jewish because he kept saying happy holidays and happy Rosh Hashanah to me. Which thank you. But it was very funny. He was Indian. He was very nice. And I love that for him. I love when people are very nice.

I went home and all the nice were alive but the two that I found at the end of the day we're not doing well. I had had James pull out our smaller electric heating pad because I thought we could put it under the case to keep everyone warm and that has been a great idea tonight and I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner. I put that on I got everyone set up and I got milk.

But the two were just not doing good. I put them directly on the microwave heating pad to try to warm them up and they did get warm. They were breathing but it was shallow and the other two I put inside the washcloth like they had been fed them and they held the eyedropper and it was great. But an hour later I went back and the two new ones were stiff. They weren't breathing or moving. I picked them up and then other women's even dropped. They were gone.

I wrapped them up in a tissue together and James buried them in our plants. I'm just glad they were warm at the end.

The other two seem to be doing great. I fed them a few times and I've made sure that they're not too warm in there. The he can grab turns off every 2 hours so I don't know if they will be okay overnight but it's better that they have been so we'll see. I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow. I might just leave some at home. But we'll see.

I was really happy to see James. They got me yellow flowers and they are so lovely. But I was exhausted. And then I was so sad about my nights. James would sit with me in the bedroom while I told him about the day and they told me drama at work. And they were very excited because they are going to be interviewing someone who is a former NFL player tonight. Which is what they're doing right now. So I'm trying to be quiet.

I'm so happy for them that their podcast is such a nice little bit of joy. I like listening to them laugh and I'm glad it gives them something to research.

And while they were doing that I was in the other room putting on clothing make Olympia costume. Don't want to wear a corset. And I wasn't loving my green dress that I usually wear as an overlay. So I picked my new blue dress that I've been loving and I'm going to layer that with a pee pieces and do skip pickups and I think it's going to be great. Plus it was really fun to put together.

I wasn't sure where the bag was that I keep all of our costume stuff in and I exhausted myself for a little while trying to find it. James took apart the closet and him to find it. It turned out I had taken everything up the tote bag and put them into a suitcase. So at least I know where it is now. And I hung up our costumes and I'm really excited for next weekend.

Speaking of excited. Just booked our Disney trip for January. So that is going to be really cool. It's expensive but not as bad as I thought. And we're doing it in three payments so it's not even a huge deal. I already have the money saved for it and I am excited for this big trip. It's going to be really cool. We're already working on a document with all the things that we would like to do while we're there. She goes to Disney all the time but I haven't been since I was in fourth grade. So I'm really excited to see things with her that she knows so well. I'm really going in with almost no expectations. Though I do think it's funny that and all my research so far I pretty much just want to do all the boat rides. Anything that's on water or slow. Those are the things I would like the most.

Now though I am really tired and a little dehydrated. I have taken a bath a little while ago and that was nice but I wish it had helped my achy body a little bit more. I think I would have been worse if I didn't take it though so I'm taking it as a positive still. Now though I am going to just rest and wait for James to be done their podcast. And tomorrow I'm hoping we'll be a good day.

You don't do field trips on Friday which is nice. I'm going to update some stuff in my lesson plans and my files so that they run a little smoother for our next one. I have a couple supplies that need to be fixed. And then I'm going to paint a door. And I don't know what else. I think it will just be a chill day. That is what I'm hoping. I'm hoping for it to be quiet.

Hope you all sleep well tonight. Be safe out there. Take care of yourselves. Until next time.

[chainbakery]

,, comfort, part two .

note; sorry for taking so long! some are a bit different than the request, but I hope it's okay. the first part is here. gn! reader, romantic, hurt/comfort.

Sky knew you well, and always tried his best to remember your likes, dislikes and your expressions. He loved hearing you talk about your interests, seeing your face brighten depending on the topic.

And he hated how sad you looked right now.

You had a bad day, he could see it clearly on your face along with the tension in your whole body. You were talking less, and tried to avoid eye contact even with him, the hero felt like you were close to crying.

That was the last thing he needed before he offered you his hand with a soft smile. "Come with me?" His voice was a gentle whisper, and you grabbed his hand to let him help you stand.

The chosen hero gave a subtle nod to Wild, who had been worried about you since you didn't eat much earlier. The cook nodded back, he would tell Time that you were dealing with something personal and to not bother you unless it was necessary.

You didn't walk too far from the camp, it wasn't completely safe after all, before Sky made you sit down. It was a nice place, with many flowers around the two of you.

"I know something is bothering you." He started, slowly. "You don't have to talk about it, I just want to remind you that I'm here to help you whenever you need it, my love." The hero held both of your hands, caressing them with his thumbs.

A few tears fell from your eyes, and you let him wrap his arms around you, hiding your face in his chest. One of his hands rubbed your back, softly and lovingly.

"Let it all out, we can stay here for as long as you need."

He was going to do his best to see you smile again soon.

"It's alright to be overwhelmed." The older hero's voice snapped you out of your thoughts.

Time had seen how stressed you were during the day, between having a headache because of not sleeping well, having horrible luck during a fight and being extremely clumsy... Plus, you felt bad for taking potions when you could've avoided being hurt if you had slept enough.

"I was nothing but a burden today, Link." You sighed, one hand rubbing your eyes. You didn't want to cry, you had to keep watch with the blond.

Your lover slowly shook his head. "You're never a burden, you just had a bad day." He took one of your hands, keeping his hold gentle and easy for you to take your hand away. "None of us think of you as a burden." His voice was firm, he wouldn't let you think of yourself like that.

You knew that you wouldn't be able to make him otherwise, he was stubborn. "...Hold me, please?" Your voice was a whisper, but it was quiet enough for Time to hear it.

"Of course, dear." The blond wrapped his arms around you, letting you rest your head on his shoulder. Thankfully, he had taken off his armor this time, so it wasn't uncomfortable.

You spent the rest of your watch like that, his warmth and the soft kisses he often left on your head helped you feel better. That night, you slept in his arms, and woke up without any kind of pain.

"I'm here." The dirty-blond whispered in your ear. His arms were firmly wrapped around you as he tried to comfort you while you let the tears spill from your eyes.

He had almost died because of a mistake you made. You didn't notice how slippery a part of the ground was, and tripped, he protected you and got hurt because of it. The thought of losing him scared you, and all of the others, so much that you couldn't focus well enough afterwards. You had ended up with some injuries, but none as bad as his were, and the day was absolutely horrible as you waited for him to wake up.

You couldn't rest until you saw him healed and awake, until you were sure that he wouldn't disappear from your arms. And as soon as he was better, you hugged him, trying to be careful as his body still hurt.

"I'm fine. I'll be more careful, I promise." His body was a bit sore, but it was better than the pain from before. He managed to move one of his hands to caress your head without much trouble.

You wanted to talk, to say something, but you couldn't, you didn't want to cry even if some tears escaped. Your body relaxed little by little, tension leaving your bones after seeing that he wasn't in danger anymore.

"It wasn't your fault, none of us knew that it would be so slippery in that side." Twilight didn't want you to blame yourself, as it could've happened to any of the heroes, even the more experienced ones.

He spent the rest of the day comforting you as you made sure he was completely fine.

#cinnamon rolls #linked universe x reader #group headcanons #lu sky #lu time #lu twilight #not happy with twilight's but oh well #been hit with a writing block

[bjornswoman]

Destruction VII

Author's note: Hey guys! I know that it's been ages from my last part and I am sorry for that, so here it is. The next part won't be that late. I have already started writing it. Anyways, I hope that you will like this one. Thank you for being so supportive, it means a lot to me. Till the next time have fun and take care!

Pairing: Modern!Ivar x Reader.

Genre: Modern!au, series, drama, fluff, romance, angst.

Summary: After the night you spent with Ivar you feel horrible.

Warnings: Mentions of cheating, strong language.

Destruction | Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X | Part XI

You woke up due to a terrible headache, but that wasn't the only problem. Your room felt really hot —hotter than any other day— it had never felt this hot before. Things only got worse when you opened your eyes and understood that you weren't in your room. This place was darker than any other place you had ever been. You knew exactly where you were. Ivar's room. You had been there before several times when you were in relationship with him.

You tried to spot your clothes along with your purse and your shoes on the floor to get dressed and leave this place that contained many memories from your days as a couple and from the previous night.

You felt ashamed and really guilty for what you let yourself do in this same room the night before with the man who was still sleeping covered in the black sheets of his bed. You and Ivar had done a long time ago, you were dating Mason and last night you had cheated on him. Mason was the best person who ever walked in your life and you were going to lose him because of your stupidity.

You didn't want this to happen. You didn't want to lie to him, but you had no choice. It was selfish not to tell him the truth and keep him by lying to him. He didn't deserve a woman like you. An awful woman like you.

You stood up from his bed, trying not to wake him up and took your clothes in your hands. When you dressed up and before you leave from his room, your eyes fell on his sleeping figure.

This man had destroyed you by choosing his ex over you. He hadn't only broken your heart, Ivar had destroyed all of you. He made you feel like you wouldn't feel what you felt for him for another man and, after you, finally, recovered and moved on from your breakup with another man, with Mason, the best man you could find, as everyone said, he stormed back in your life making you feel all that things you believed that you weren't going to feel again. Above all the others, Ivar was the one who told you that there had happened something between Mason and himself and least night you had slept with him.

You felt terrible for what you did last night and the worst part of it was that you liked it. You really liked it. You had to feel like that during sex a long time. The last time you felt such things were the last time you slept with Ivar, before the night before.

You opened the door and walked out of his dark room. This —the thing that happened last night and nobody was going to talk about again because you wouldn't see Ivar again— never happened, or you were going to act like it. You had planned to avoid Ivar. To be honest, you didn't really think that he would want to meet you again. He took what he want. He proved his point, as he had said himself. Ivar had slept with you and you were in relationship with Mason, his enemy. So it was kind of the end of a vendetta in your mind. He had proven his point and that was all. You were done for good after you exit from his room.

"I should have bet that it was you the one with Ivar last night." You sounded a hoarse voice saying behind you and you felt yourself sweating.

You thought that nobody would be in this house and that was the reason Ivar took you here and you did what you did anyway. Ubbe, behind you, made you see for yourself that you were wrong. All of them had listened you having sex and as you could recall yourself you were pretty vocal. How embarrassing.

You thought that nobody was there, because something like that didn't happen before. Ivar insisted on your private moments to stay private. He wouldn't even tell to his brothers about them and he shared most of the things with them.

"I didn't know that we weren't alone." Your voice came out of your mouth like a whisper due to shame and uneasiness.

"Your secret is safe with me." He stated and a smile fixed on his face. "You are a good woman, (Y/N), and I don't want to see you getting hurt, as I don't want to see Ivar getting hurt. You can do whatever you want, you are adults after all, just don't get hurt and don't hurt Mason too." He continued and you looked him in the eyes. This had been the first time you did it since the moment you met him in the hallway.

"You know what has happened between them, don't you?" You asked him, referring to the hot topic which nearly made you fight with Mason just an hour or so before you met Ivar. His blue eyes looked at you again, but this time his gaze was different. He knew what had happened.

"I do, but I can't tell you anything about it. It's something personal between them." This was the only answer he gave to you, before you left from their house.

Ubbe was right, all this between Ivar and you only hurt people. It could hurt you, again, Ivar and Mason. Little did you care for you or even Ivar, but you did care for Mason. It wasn't his fault that you had fucked up everything in your life and hadn't been aware of what you wanted.

You should talk to Mason. He was a reasonable person, he would understand, but, again, you didn't dare to talk to him about what had happened with Ivar when you lied to Mason and went to find your ex.

And above everything else, tears came in your eyes. You let them fall from your eyes down to your cheeks. You didn't know the exact reason behind your tears, but you had several of them in your mind.

You took your phone out of your purse and found some messages and missed calls. Mason was trying to contact you all night. All he was thinking was you while you were getting laid with Ivar, your ex, his enemy.

All these thoughts made you feel even worse than you did. You felt really guilty. You were guilty. You had done the worst thing. You had cheated. You had been cheated before and it hurt. It really hurt.

Another call from Mason came to phone and more tears fell from your eyes when you saw his name on the screen.

"Mason." You just said his name, trying to sound natural and not like you were crying.

"(Y/N) is everything alright?" He asked you and you bit your lip to avoid the tears to fall from your eyes again. He was so good. You didn't deserve such a man. You weren't good enough for him. You were a cheater. "Is your father alright?" He asked again, reminding of the lie you used the previous night just to meet Ivar when he called you.

"Yes, he's doing well. He will wake up and I don't want to be there when this happens, so I am going home."

"Do you want me to come over?"

"I'm really exhausted, but do you wanna go to the bar tonight?"

"Okay. I mean, yes, I'll come there after work."

When you hung up you felt even more awfully than before for lying again. You had overdid it with all these lies, but you would stop after this day everything would change. You wouldn't see Ivar again. You wouldn't even try to meet him again. You would forget about your mistake qnd move on. Of course, you should talk to Mason about your betrayal. That wouldn't be easy.

-------------------------------------------------------

Some times after your phone call with Mason —that one who made you feel that you were the worst person in the whole world— you were in the bar, Mason was sitting on a stool next to you, looking at you. You hadn't told him anything since the moment he came here, anything apart from the typical words which people are saying.

"So, do you want to talk about what happened in the hospital with your parents last night?" Mason asked you, destroying that uncomfortable silence between you.

You were about to spill another one of your lies to him, but a very familiar voice behind you stopped you. You felt all your body sweating out of shame and anxiety.

"What's up bro?" You heard Hvitserk Lothbrok, saying and you turned around and faced him along with his brothers, Ubbe and the man you didn't want to see again, his youngest brother, Ivar Lothbrok.

"Everything it's perfect man." Mason responded as he stood up to greet Hvitserk and Ubbe.

You didn't talk. You just looked at them all, except Ivar. You couldn't face him. You didn't dare to do it. Not after the events of last night.

The brothers went to order drinks. When you were sure that they were away and couldn't hear you, you turned around to look at Mason. You were angry. Not at Mason, you had no right to be angry at him when you were the one who cheated on him with his enemy. You were angry because they came and Mason was the one who invited them obviously. This wasn't oneof the bars they spent their nights in. That was the reason you spent your nights there alone after your breakup with Ivar and later with Mason.

"Why did you tell them?" You asked him, downing all your drink. Mason frowned at your question.

"Hvitserk called me and told me to go out for drinks and I told him that we had plans for tonight and I invited him and Ubbe to come. I didn't know that Ivar was coming too." He said and then came in front of your stool. "But why is such a deal the fact that I called them?" He asked again, placing both of his hands on your cheeks. You sighed and looked his in the eyes.

"I just - I don't know what happened and I acted like that. Maybe, it's because I'm tired and I wanted to spent the night with you and some drinks."

He smiled when he heard your words and after some moments that smile faded of his face.

"Did something happen with your parents?"

You felt really bad when he mentioned your lie again. You would lie tohim again and you hated yourself for that. Mason was so sweet and good to you and all he was taking in return from you was lies. You left your gaze fall on the ground and then you lifted it again, but didn't let it meet his. You weren't honest with him, so you couldn't look him in the eyes.

"Well, yes. I fought with my mother again and we are on the same terms as before. That's the main reason I left." You lied and before you know it, his lips fell on yours, in a passionate kiss. This kiss was sweet and loving. Within it he wanted you to know that be cared for you, unlike some other people.

The worst part of this kiss was that in your mind you were comparing it with the kisses you shared with Ivar last night. Ivar's kisses didn't feel like this one you shared with Mason. You hated to admit it, but the feelings you felt last night were stronger. Maybe they felt like that because of the alcohol, but still you hated that you were comparing them.

"Hey, don't let stuff like that to make you sad." He spoke and he was about to say something more, but he didn't, because you weren't alone anymore. Ubbe and Hvitserk came to your table and Mason turned to them. Of course, he didn't leave from your side. He placed his hand around your waist and had you close to him.

After that, something happened that you weren't proud about. In fact, you did something that you weren't proud about it. You found yourself trying to find Ivar among all this people in the bar. You felt strange about the fact that he wasn't there, when you saw him entering the bar with his brothers.

In the thought of him being with another woman, you felt kind of angry and something different. This feeling was like stings in your heart, or something. It couldn't be jealousy. You weren't in love with Ivar, neither were his girlfriend. The fact that last night a mistake happened didn't mean anything about your relationship with him. You were with Mason, the best man you could find, you shouldn't try to find another man and, more particularly, this man, Ivar Lothbrok, your ex boyfriend who didn't only break your heart but destroyed every piece of you.

You shook your head to avoid thinking about Ivar. You had a boyfriend —the perfect man— Mason and he was standing next to you with his hand wrapped around your waist. All this Ivar thing needed to be done.

That's what you were saying to yourself, before you spotted him. He was drinking whiskey, as always, chatting with some people. He didn't seem pleased, happy, or something. You could say that he was annoyed. They were probably chatting about work, or something like that.

His blue eyes found yours the moment you would take them away from him. When he saw you staring, he smirked and placed the glass of whiskey on his lips. You took your eyes away and grabbed your glass. For your own bad luck, it was empty. You had downed it when the brothers approached you and Mason.

"Hey, babe, I am gonna take another one." You said to Mason and placed a quick kiss on his lips. You walked through the crowd of people and finally you made it to the bar. You ordered another drink and you let your gaze wandering around to the people inside there.

"Are you looking for someone?" You listened a familiar voice saying next to you. You knew exactly the owner of this voice.

"Not really. I am waiting for my drink." You answered and turned around to look at him —which was a really bad idea. The worst to be honest. When you saw him, all the memories from last night hit you. You reminded every little detail and you felt really embarrassed about it. "Hey, look about last night. I want you to know that it was nothing. It was just a mistake that happened because we were drunk. I am with Mason and we are perfect. I am saying these things to you because I don't want to think something different." You spoke, feeling something weird. The feeling you had was bittersweet. It was like you didn't believe anything of the stuff you were saying.

Ivar's expression changed too. He wasn't cool and he wasn't smirking anymore. He seemed kind of angry, without no reason. His jaw was clenched and his blue eyes were like stormy seas.

"That's my exact thoughts about last night. It was nothing more than an one night stand because we were wasted." Ivar stated and motioned to the bartender to pour him another one drink. When you heard the words coming out of his mouth, it was like someone took your broken pieces that you called heart or of your chest. You didn't expect to be so affected by his words, because you told to him similar words just a second before. "As for the perfect man." He scoffed and you looked at him frowned. "Nobody is perfect, especially people like him. You should not trust people so easily, (Y/N)."

"People like him? Wait, wait, wait. You have said stuff like that for Mason before and I don't get the reason. I know that something had happened. So if you like to say things like that, just tell the reason behind them." You snapped and he looked away for a moment. Apparently, Ivar didn't want to talk about it and was angry. Your words enraged him more, but you didn't care.

Ivar had always a bad word to spill about Mason without to say the reason. You wanted a reason behind all these mean words and rude comments.

"I will let to prince charming the weight of telling the truth. After all, it's his problem more than mine. You are his girlfriend, not mine. Ask your prince charming, not the evil king." Ivar answered and left you alone, looking at him leaving. But he had managed to enrage you first before he left.

Instead of help you —somehow— this man had the bloody ability to confuse you even more about anything. Something had happened and, after Ivar's words to you, you wanted to learn about it more than ever before.

Everybody knew about it and no one of them was able to talk to you about it. You had to find out the truth on your own and you would.

Taglist: @not-another-viking-fanfic-blog, @ivarhoegh, @adrille88, @anotherfan07, @heavenly1927

#vikings ivar #ivar imagine #modern ivar #ivar fanfic #ivar lothbrok #ivar ragnarsson #ivar the boneless #ivar #modern ivar x reader #ivar x reader #vikings imagine #modern vikings #vikings modern au #vikings fic #modern vikings x reader #vikings x reader #modern au

[hematomes]

hi ced<3 i missed you too<3

i have just returned from class, I've got the world's worst headache, and actually last night i slept horribly (period cramps woke me up and just wouldn't go away). which is to say, I've had a very exhausting day but at least i can finally relax.

i did skip school to go shopping though, which honestly really did me in bc there's absolutely nothing more exhausting than downtown shopping. fun, sure, but everything hurts.

good luck with those future emails! a friend of mine mentioned that she's hand-written a really long letter for herself, and im thinking of doing that too. but seeing as letters are a lot more romantic, i fear i would get carried away. lately it's like im casting fishing lines into the future. or grappling hooks, more like. but i think i prefer to think of the future as more of an ocean-like thing than a cliff.

aah I've just been having some,,, communication issues with my mother. which end up in 20-minute calls of her yelling to/about me (it's hard to tell sometimes). good thing though is that mock exams have been going well. i suppose there's still hope for me lol

how'd your Friday go? and what are your weekend plans? i hope you get to do smth exciting, cause I'll just be studying latin:')

do you feel better? :( periods are a bitch istg

what did you buy!!!!

oh yeah hand written letters could be really fun too tbh, but i can barely read what i hand write so it wouldn't work for me lmao. it's cool to get carried away tho

feels like you're in a rough patch, but don't let it get to you too much okay? it'll be alright <3

i hope things get better with your mom, im guessing you already try to clear up the miscommunications?

of course there's hope for you, don't even dare to imply the opposite :( glad it went well <3

well friday i went back to my lonely (/j it's fine) apartment bc the 2nd semester starts tomorrow lol and yesterday i went out to buy some groceries,,, today im thinking of doing some self care, maybe a bath? not sure, but at least im gonna wash my hair and maybe shave my legs. perhaps some make-up too, i have a palette i didn't get to try!!!

hope the studies are going well, kick some asses <3

#[☂️] soup anon / 💜

[pbandjesse]

Today was all over the place emotionally. And physically honestly.Last night I was finally starting to feel better. My armpit lymph nodes were so incredibly swollen. But I wasn't feeling so horrible. And that's mostly where I was too.

I slept okay, despite waking up in pain every time I moved. I woke up earlier like I wanted. Trying to get my sleep schedule back on track. But man. I was in so much pain. This was a kind of pain I haven't experienced before. There was no good way to keep my arm that didn't move my side. It was exhausting. But I was determined to not be a mess, though the pain had me incredibly nauseous.

I would have a lot of soda today. It was the only thing that wasn't upsetting me and gave me a little caffeine and made me feel like I could do anything. I got washed and dressed and decided I could not go to the puhtok party. This was for the best. I had work tonight anyway so I figured I could only hold enough energy for one thing.

So I tried to take care of myself. I did some cleaning. I want to deep clean the apartment this week. As I get more energy. I want to get all the crevises and the bathroom and do all the floors.

But I started with the kitchen and just cleaning it enough. But it was hard.

I decided to send an email to my boss at the styling job, letting them know I wouldn't be doing any more after this last set of 50. I have 6 slots left. I have just decided that its not worth the stress is causes me. It barely pays anything but it was fun while it lasted I guess. They still haven't answered me so we will see what happens.

I also I did do some art. I pulled a few prints with my new stamps and I am really happy with how the dog came out. And the raven is growing on me. Backgroundless and boarderless pieces are hard for me but I am happy with this one still.

James tried their best to support me. But I was a big baby and I was hurting a lot. They helped me clean the frog tank a bit but I don't think we took out enough water. We trimmed down the plants though so its a little better and we put the new heater in so its a much better temperature. Same with the betta tank, its such a nice temp now. I hope they are both very happy in their homes.

I would lay down for a little bit just because I was cold and a little exhausted. Laying down with my heating pack on my side helped a lot. It doesn't hurt as bad anyway. I hope it just keeps getting better.

As I was laying there James came and hugged me and I checked my email and my boss at the museum emailed me. That I may have been exposed at work on Tuesday. Incredible.

I wasn't sure what to do. I just got the booster and it takes two weeks to do anything. So that's not a help. But I always wear my mask and I do my best to give people space. But I was just. So sad. And Mike wasn't sure what was up with return tests and stuff since we were having groups for a few weeks. But I work tonight and tomorrow. So I sent him a text to ask.

He was pretty sure I could still work if I wanted but I didn't feel safe. And between the fear and my arm hurting so bad I started getting nauseous and upset. So we both decided I would not work today or tomorrow. Me and James will get tested after sunday. We were going to get tested for travel anyway. But like. This is why I have so much trouble getting excited for things these days. Unless its actively happening and in front of me, I am just so afraid things will be snatched away from me. Travel this week was something I was looking forward to so much and it might be ruined. I am trying to not think like that but man its hard. I had sat and pulled outfits for James to match with me for the week. And I am just going to be so sad if we cant go.

I started feeling better though. The pain stopped being so intense. I had some food. I played some animal crossing. I made a funeral home for a character. I painted my nails. I tried to be positive.

I took a bath and scrubbed my skin. I have a little bit of a headache but mostly I am just tired.

Tomorrow since I don't have work I hope to do some cleaning. Maybe I will start a new print. We will see. I hope you all have a good night. Take care of each other. Send me some good thoughts.

Goodnight!