#but i'm a brown person writing about brown ppl and apparently i'm not good enough

[the-everqueen]

the third time is...maybe a sign that i need to find another career

(i did not get the fellowship i’d interviewed for)

#i do indeed feel heartwrenchingly disappointed and angry #my cohort-mate got it #(1 of like 12 ppl) #and while i'm really glad for her and proud of her #i'm also like...insanely envious #partly because she got to have a really chill conversation with her interviewers #about her research and her course design #and didn't feel like they were grilling her #and didn't get any tricky questions about what she's doing to promote equity as a fucking TA #and like. she's white. of course. #she's white and she writes about the middle east and that's FINE. #but i'm a brown person writing about brown ppl and apparently i'm not good enough #i got three yt ppl and interview q's i was never told to expect #because they were kind of invasive and also just kind of biased! #also bc of this i'm probably going to have to go back to VA for the next year #so like........god. #i almost regret coming home for this year #it got my hopes up and that's just stupid #if anyone responds to this with ''oh well it wasn't reflective of your work'' #i will block and report you #i'm fucking tired of not being good enough