#but ive been working on emotional regulation & accepting reality stuff in therapy lately

[narzissenkreuz-ordo]

me, wondering why ive been having panic attacks at night recently

#cancer cw / #your mom has cancer you idiot of course youre gonna have episodes of anxiety and panic #we wont know until after she has major surgery if its spread anywhere else #and even if it has spread elsewhere it should be manageable #shes not gonna die suddenly from it but like #we still had to have the 'if something happens this is what i want to happen with my remains' talk #and holy fuck that shit is scary man #and its completely reasonable to feel this way #but ive been working on emotional regulation & accepting reality stuff in therapy lately #to not make myself go through prolonged suffering and worry #but also not to ignore it completely and go right into fantasy escapism #i need to be able to feel the thing when i need to but not shut down #and let it out reasonably before doing something more productive #maybe i should make nightly posts on my dreamwidth site #since i do find it helpful now to dump out my thoughts in one go and leave them there #i used to have full on panic attacks almost nightly and liveblog them the past like 10 years on tumblr #which isnt good good but i find it helpful to stream of conscious type stuff like this and feel it #and leave it there and go on to my next task #yappin