#but my truth is that becoming human would be deeply upsetting and traumatic for cas even if he chooses it

[clairenatural]

no more fluffy human!cas I only want it if it's angsty and gritty and tragic. a week after he gets back they're in the kitchen, and dean burns himself on a hot pan, and cas reaches to heal him without thinking. they stare at cas' hand hovering over the burn on dean's thumb for a handful of seconds before cas silently leaves the kitchen and doesn't speak for the rest of the night. the first time he ends up in the hospital is from a manageable wound that he refused to tell the winchesters about until it was badly infected. he forces himself to not go to sleep until he's watched dean fall asleep and he insists on being the first one awake, so he's running on 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night and making stupid mistakes in fights. dean only convinces him to talk to him about it after he sits outside in the freezing rain for hours, refusing to use a coat or an umbrella, and gets so sick they worry it's pneumonia. it takes him a long time to be okay and years later he still finds himself flexing his shoulder blades, stretching his non-existent wings like phantom limbs.

#the first sentence is /lh i like mindless fluff that is ignoring any realistic struggle #but my truth is that becoming human would be deeply upsetting and traumatic for cas even if he chooses it #he would NOT take to being Useless And Breakable #If I Cannot Protect Dean What Use Am I complex #i think to make up for this he gets just. super buff and dangerous at like. knife fighting? #bc he still has his blade #i think he trains obsessively and is terrifyingly good at it #but that's a few steps away #mae.txt #human!cas