#but there's a charm to a twisted up web of fringe ideas and terms that can barely begin to describe

[craycraybluejay]

im attracted to abstract concepts found in morbidly perverted things

#the kind of mental illness you only unlock when you have someone else to make yoy specially ill you know? #someone who makes you sick in a way thats truly rare and unusual #normal and good and whatever are boring #but there's a charm to a twisted up web of fringe ideas and terms that can barely begin to describe #idk maybe bc im schizo i just assign extra meaning to things that 'arent that deep' #but idk there are unique beaties only i can notice and maybe its horror but its beautiful too #and there are never enough words #other than 'i am disgusting and you are my muse' #to look at someone and just in that one moment there is a universe of unnamed emotion in looking at them #and its not stuff like Being In Love most of the time #its more like. wow theres something so wrong with you. wow your hair looks so beautiful in this angle. wow.. wow #wow you chew really interesting. your opinions are horrible. i can fix you. i want to make you worse #in a millisecond its like having lived an entire life staring at this one person #and thinking a million bundled twisted twined thoughts of them #and always the best word you can really grab for it is WOW #im in awe with whatever the fuck my brain just did in response to the existence of You #and quite possibly it will never do that again #its not like in loveness or like some weird limerence #but in this one singular point in time You fascinate me beyond comprehension #the pores in your skin fascinate me. what you had for dinner fascinates me. #another good word is enthralled.. enraptured.. deluded.. religious #i can tell you the falling in love on acid phenomenon is like this but ten times less or more than ten less #i know bc ive had that #but conceptually it feels similar