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WHERE THE LOVE GO? - THE TOP FIFTEEN BEST HIT SONGS OF 2018

The popular music in America of 2018 was somehow both chaotic and dreary and monotonous as hell at the same time. Constant album bombs and additional rule changes to the charts made the Hot 100 increasingly irrelevant – as if it wasn’t already, and to be honest, I didn’t hate as much of it as I thought I would – in fact, I have since learned to appreciate what little upbeat pop gems we had this year instead of observing it as just a dark, moody year full of mindless egotistical trap-rap... which it definitely was, for the record, I mean, there’s a reason I talk about the UK Top 40 more because the US’ charts seemed a tad painful to keep up with, just going off of exhausted recounts I’ve seen on YouTube and Twitter this whole year. Am I going to preface this with anything more interesting? No, because frankly I don’t think 2018 really deserves it. Let’s just talk about some ground rules.

-I am using the predicted year-end top 125 posted in the Pulse Music forum by MikesMusicReviews to determine what a “hit song of 2018” is. Songs that made it into the top 10 during the charting year (December 2017 to November 2018) count as well.

-This is the best list, and it’s what was posted second. The worst list is out right now if you want to read that, and the list that will count down my picks for the top 5 best and top 5 worst United Kingdom-exclusive hit songs will be out somewhere in the first quarter of the year, I imagine, but don’t expect it too soon.

-If this comes out on the day an episode was supposed to be released, REVIEWING THE CHARTS will be postponed, obviously.

-Finally, this is simply my opinion and I don’t consider myself highly as a music critic. This is just a silly little hobby of mine, and this list’ll probably actually be shorter and more reasonable than the worst list. Nevertheless, we’re counting down...

THE TOP 15 BEST HIT SONGS OF 2018

HONOURABLE MENTIONS

In a rough order of popularity, but no other particular order...

“Psycho” – Post Malone featuring Ty Dolla $ign and “Better Now” – Post Malone

Actual Year-End Hot 100 Placements: #6 and #13 – Peaks: #1 and #3

Yeah, what can I say? As much as I don’t really think Post can handle an album by himself at all, and I still stand by how beerbongs & bentleys sucked, these songs are pretty fantastic, if only for how catchy those hooks are. Seriously, him and Louis Bell can write a damn good chorus.

“Nice for What” – Drake – Year-End: #11 – Peak: #1

This soured on me quite a lot since I first talked about it, but I’m still impressed by how he got a song with a Fabo reference to hit #1 five separate times.

“MotorSport” – Migos, Cardi B and Nicki Minaj – Year-End: #34 – Peak: #6

Migos are too boring for this to really stand out as anything more than wasted potential.

“Back to You” – Selena Gomez – Year-End: #41 – Peak: #18

Nothing about this song remotely works and I love it.

“One Kiss” – Calvin Harris and Dua Lipa – Year-End: #68 – Peak: #26

This was the biggest song of the year in the UK, and while it really grew on me, it didn’t really survive too well to overplay, as I got into more house, I realised that this really wasn’t as unique as I thought it was. “Promises” with Sam Smith sucked though, so I’m glad “One Kiss” was the Calvin Harris single that actually succeeded.

“Happier” – Marshmello and Bastille – Year-End: #80 – Peak: #3

This song is awesome. Do I know why? Absolutely no clue.

“X” – Nicky Jam and J Balvin – Year-End: #90 – Peak: #41

Depending on how I feel, this song is either fantastic, or unlistenable, and sometimes both.

“Call Out My Name” – The Weeknd – Year-End: #78 – Peak: #4

Honestly, I think I just got sick of the Weeknd’s existence in the middle of this year, but this stop still holds up for the most part.

“JAPAN” – Famous Dex – Year-End: N/A – Peak: #28

Famous Dex’s ad-libs are heavenly, but they do make this track feel a tad too cluttered... and yeah, those are all the Honourable Mentions. There aren’t many but that’s because I’ve increased the number of songs on the best list to fifteen, and that’s how it’ll be for years to come, so, let’s just get straight into the list, starting with something that has definitely grown on me.

#15

In Summer of 2018, I said this on my “Best and Worst of 1994” list.

That’s why I hate “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran so much – it lacks what I want from any good pop song, a real hook that reels you in, not because it’s catchy and not because it’s unique, hell, I’m not talking about the musical hook here, just a moment in a song that forces you to pay attention and even if you don’t like it, you will understand why it’s so popular because it demands you to be attracted to it. – me, a few months ago

Yeah, well, um...

#15 – “Perfect” – Ed Sheeran

Produced by Ed Sheeran and Will Hicks – from the album Divide – Year-End: #2 – Peak: #1

It’s grown on me immensely, to say the least, and honestly I think that’s not only because of how there was so much less overplay and I heard it a couple fewer times per day in the latter half of the year, but how I realised this song doesn’t need that moment, and never needed that hook to begin with.

Well, I found a girl, so beautiful and sweet / I never knew you were the someone waiting for me

See, the fact that this song is generic and simplistic is the point, I guess, because it’s much like the artist himself – gingerly. It’s shy and cute in a way that only Ed Sheeran could pull off believably because he’s built his career off of being the everyman (who has since burst into fame, but in his album canon, that never really happened), and this is the climax of it. This is the everyman settling down and planning his life, and almost abandoning the events that are reminisced on in “Castle on the Hill” (which, yes, it’s still a better song than “Perfect”). The production isn’t anything special really either but it is clean and almost like a sweet sweep of cloudy nothingness with a slick acoustic guitar as all of Ed’s songs have, coated in some pretty elegant strings, it’s like the normal, somewhat rough-around-the-edges British dude has just been overwhelmed by the “orchestra” of this love he found with this woman. It’s cute and simple, and in that way it’s as effective as a song with an immense amount of hooks and catchy, interesting blips that can be pointed out and analysed.

#15 – “Wait” – Maroon 5

Produced by John Ryan – from the album Red Pill Blues – Year-End: #58 – Peak: #24

Yeah, this isn’t really a tie either, I just want to talk about as many songs in such little time – because this is a rushed list? Perhaps, but also because best lists are boring as hell, and I want some urgency... speaking of, “Wait!”. This song isn’t a chaotic emergency from the get-go, it’s just a polished and filtered guitar with some transcendent multi-tracked “Oh!” ad-libs, that later become part of the beat. Some may say Adam Levine sounds plastic and manufactured here, but I think he just sounds sick of it all and bored in the best way. He makes dirty looks from his wife’s mother seem like Vietnam flashbacks because he’s so unimpressed or unfazed by everything, it’s kind of hilarious. Oh, yeah, and then the beat drop, which happens way too quickly – and that’s the art of it. The beat drop happening 20 seconds into the song and never really having another effective drop throughout, especially with Levine’s rapid, nasal and sometimes almost triplet-flow falsetto over it, is just a demonstration of how panicked Levine is, and with the alerted trap skitter and the sheer lack of length or development to the track, you feel pain in overly polished material, and yeah, that’s why I still defend Maroon 5, because they still know how to express emotion, despite how their music is no longer close to the quality of stuff like “Sunday Morning”. That bridge where it all builds up into an insane synth that immediately disappears is like an anxious thought creeping up on Levine then just popping out of existence, and the abrupt end to the song is just a book end to this story we’ve been following, where Levine is like a desperate dog using puppy eyes.

Wait, can you turn around? Can you turn around? / Just wait, can we work this out? Can we work this out?

It shows Adam Levine at his purest core – a pathetic shell of a man... with a bunch of tattoos and a Twitter account that mutes the word “SpongeBob”.

#14

Oh, hey, speaking of the Super Bowl fiasco...

#14 – “STARGAZING” – Travis Scott

Produced by Sonny Digital, B Wheezy, Bkorn and 30 Roc – from the album ASTROWORLD – Year-End: N/A – Peak: #8

You know how good this song is? When you go on the Wikipedia page for ASTROWORLD, you can play a small snippet from this song. That means nothing but don’t let distract you because this song is fantastic. It starts with a really eerie synth and creepy guitar before the reverb-drowned snares hit in the intense bass drop. Travis Scott croons about how the psychedelics have “got [him] going crazy”, and I believe it, I mean, this song is trippy, with the spliced vocal samples and the drum fill (as well as the cut) in the beat that sounds kind of like a mistake, just furthering that off-kilter vibe. I love the post-hook as well where he goes into that brilliantly awful falsetto. I don’t think this is mumble-rap at all, but the fact that most of the post-hook is unintelligible makes this song perfect because he isn’t paying attention to you, he isn’t paying attention to the mic, he’s paying attention to the “stars”... and then he realises.

The beat cuts, losing its drums to a reverb echo and then the vocals, with only the eerie guitar and synth it started with, until an elephant-like siren pops up and one brief female vocal snippet, with a ghostly laughter popping up right before the rollercoaster sound effects and it crashes. This is the musical equivalent to Travis Scott getting his priorities straight and realising what his fans want after the bland trap of his last two records, and that beat switch is the best on the album, “SICKO MODE” included.

Oh, yeah, and this new beat? It’s so good, it just has this sweeping feel with Travis’ faster flow (including the echoes) making it feel so fun despite how it sounds like the beat has a splinter in it, if that makes sense. Travis’ bars are funny and almost anthemic, especially this one:

This right here is astronomical / I see you picked up all my ways, I feel responsible / They trying to say that all my problems is improbable / They keep itching at my spit, it’s diabolical, you feel me?

There is no better way to triumphantly start your album, which is already a greatly misleading, scattered and fun, all-over-the-place record, with a fitting ride through Travis’ mindset while producing it. Yeah, it’s astronomical. Next.

#13

I haven’t watched or read any best lists but I think everyone’s gone deep into this song so I’ll keep this brief (like I will for all best list entries if I go by my current formula of a bunch more songs with more urgency and more jokes, hyperbole and a generally fast-paced flow to the list, to make it not feel like a slog). This is “Finesse” by Bruno Mars, which is a great song in its own right, being improved by a pretty obscure female rap artist, I don’t know, you might have heard of her?

#13 – “Finesse” (Remix) – Bruno Mars featuring Cardi B

Produced by Shampoo Press & Curl and the Stereotypes – from the album 24K Magic – Year-End: #14 – Peak: #3

From those first few drum hits and vocal samples that start it off, you know what’s coming.

Drop-top Porsche, Rollie on my wrist / Diamonds up and down my chain (Haha!)

The ad-libs and backing vocals add so much to her verse because they add so much excitement and energy that feels like a crowd following on with Cardi and Bruno, who takes a smoother approach to the sugary slice of 90s throwback new jack swing, especially in the chorus where Bruno isn’t really audible, you just hear the guys behind him reciting his vocals, almost as if they’re hypnotised into this groove, which, honestly, I don’t blame them for. Every melody in this song is gorgeous, mostly because it’s a complete rip-off of 90s R&B but it’s such a good one, that still feels modern, even with the talkbox-like synths, there’s still that polished, clean percussion you hear from modern R&B and Cardi B to mix things up, including a Lil Jon reference. Yeah, even in 90s throwbacks, they want to flash straight to the next decade. Cardi makes me believe Lil Jon was as big in the early-to-mid 90s though, because her boisterous personality is just all over this song, especially the bridge, where she’s drowned out by the instrumental but her charisma drips through anyway, she’s that powerful of a presence. Yeah, Cardi saves this from being forgettable, but it’d still be here if it didn’t have her at all, Bruno brings a lot of that vocal ability we know him for, and it’s very reminiscent of “Treasure”, another of his songs I absolutely loved. Man, I hope this guy sticks to the 90s throwbacks for a while. He’s done several 70s and 80s songs, hell, a whole album of them, so I hope he doesn’t entirely skip this decade when working through the R&B of each era to add to his discography.

I drink ‘till I’m drunk, smoke ‘till I’m high / Castle in the hills, wake up in the sky / You can’t tell me I ain’t fly – Bruno Mars on Gucci Mane’s “Wake Up in the Sky” featuring Kodak Black

Oh, he’s just gone straight to 2010s trap featuring... Kodak Black? Alright, yeah, nevermind, just restart your career entirely, we’ve gone too far.

#12

“Woo”. It’s such a simple, primal exclamation of excitement. It’s so commonplace, especially in rap, because anyone can pull off a “woo”, and it can be in so many varieties. Just going to pull off one little “woo” that you can barely hear? Cool. You’re going to croon “Woo” in the background autotuned to hell and back while Drake’s talking about taking half a Xan? Sure, Travis. You’re going to repeat it ad nauseum to build up hype for a verse like in “Bad and Boujee”? Sure, Offset, you do that. Offset, how about you say “woo” all the time? Like Pusha T, he does that, he says “woo”, although nowadays he prefers “YEUGH”. God, I hope rap ad-libs continue to be a thing, they’re awesome.

#12 – “Ric Flair Drip” – Offset and Metro Boomin

Produced by Metro Boomin and Bijan Amir – from the album Without Warning - #38 – Peak: #13

I have no idea why I love this song so much. Do I like Offset? Yeah, he’s the best Migo. Do I like Metro Boomin? Yeah, I liked this album he released this year, he has iconic producer tags and is the most creative trap producer out there right now. It only makes sense, right, but this is both Offset and Boomin at their most clean, simple and “okay”... except the whole song’s about paying respect to wrestler Ric Flair for popularising the use of the word “woo”. Offset describes his lifestyle as he always does, but he then says, “Ric Flair drip”, so casually, because it should be something that rolls off the tongue, not anything that should be made a big deal.

Soon as we came in the game, all of these n****s, they imitate

Yes, you see, this is an apology from Offset to Ric Flair about jacking the “woo” ad-lib. Sure... I mean, all of that is headcanon, but that hook is insanely catchy, that beat has a classy piano melody that is way better than it has any right to be. Offset’s verses have enough flow switches and fast yet chilled, relaxed delivery to feel like a traditional Migos song... but there’s something about this one specifically. I think it’s how the focus of the song, despite relying on the typical subject matter otherwise, being “woo”, like, the use of the word “woo”, it’s so funny to me, and justifies Offset’s second verse, which is intense, dramatic and slides into the chorus like Offset’s jetski, perfectly, especially when it’s just him, the strings and the 808s. It’s melodramatic, for no reason, with Offset’s rapid flow emphasising the lyrics... which still roll around to being about how when Offset is dripping in jewellery, he thinks about Ric Flair and, paraphrasing, “goes woo on a bih”... I’m glad you and Cardi are back together, I guess, you delightful... homophobe... okay, maybe I don’t like Offset but this is a cool song.

#11

This next song is the most fun, enthusiastic and party-ready scream for help I’ve ever heard.

#11 – “Uproar” – Lil Wayne featuring Swizz Beatz

Produced by Swizz Beatz and Avenue – from the album Tha Carter V – Year-End: N/A – Peak: #7

Keep in mind that this is a beat Lil Wayne has said on record, he does not like, at all... and he kills it. You see, this is a reworking of the G. Dep song “Special Delivery” with Diddy, and Wayne has freestyled over it before on one of his mixtapes, before cutting his verse to say that he doesn’t like it, and passed J. Cole the beat, I believe... you wouldn’t believe me, though, because there’s crowd cheering implemented the beat and pretty much the first half a minute is dedicated to Swizz Beatz hyping everyone up, including another reference to an ad-lib (specifically, Lil Wayne’s lighter flick and bong hit).

If you ain’t got a lighter, what the f*** you smoking for? / We hot, ha!

Seriously, rap ad-libs got meta this year. Anyways, about this being a cry for help, despite how upbeat and fun the party-perfect beat is, the guitar line is actually somewhat menacing and the dark bass largely nullifies all presence of human emotion and excitement, and what do you think Lil Wayne raps about? Well, I’m not entirely sure.

What the f*** though? (DAMN!) Where the love go? (OH) / Five, four, three, two, I let one go (LET’S GO)

He talks about killing someone, but goes into really oddly specific detail (like his other song on the list), but here he specifies the “love going”. So it’s like, he knows he’s betraying this person he clearly cares for but his gangsta rap mentality inspired by 2Pac has hardened him to the point where he doesn’t care. The flow is catchy here, and Wayne sounds hungry, which is fitting for the subject matter.

Money over b****es, and above hoes (THAT’S WAYNE) / That is still my favourite love quote (C5) / Put the gun inside, what the f*** for? (OH) / I sleep with the gun, and she don’t snore (AHHHHHHHHHH)

This is Lil Wayne’s middle-age existential crisis narrated by hilarious yelling from Swizz Beatz adding punch to everything he says, and it’s fitting for a retrospective album such as Tha Carter V.

This the jungle, so have the utmost, for the nutzos and we nuts, so—(IGH!)

I really love this line, because it portrays how much of a chaotic growing up Wayne has had as a jungle, which he went into detail about during his Billboard interview, but he’s just come to accept himself as “nuts”, and he knows that’s unhealthy, but he’s at a point in his life where he just has to come to that as the only solution.

Listenin’ to Bono, you listenin’ to Donald (GODDAMN HE SAY WHAT?!)

Yeah, hit those far-right weirdos with this diss about you being superior to them because you listen to... U2, I guess? Nah, I prefer when I thought he said this:

Listenin’ to Bono, you listen to Don O.

Like Donny Osbourne? Now that’s a diss track line true music nerds would come up with.

I see the shovel, but where did bruh go? (TALK TO ‘EM WEEZY) Hmm, to the unknown (OH!) / Only way he coming back is through his unborns

He calls him “bruh” because he’s so familiar and close to the person he’s murdering, to the point that he knows that he has unborn children? This is either me thinking way too much into these lyrics or genius and grim storytelling from Wayne, and I’d like to think it’s both, and it’s also a hilarious experience if this is an existential crisis, simply because of Swizz Beatz’ existence on the beat.

TALK TO ‘EM WEEZY

#10

So as I’m writing this, Harverd Dropout by Lil Pump, his debut album, has yet to come out, but I’m thinking it’s probably going to suck (Edit: It did) because Lil Pump has made himself bland and uninteresting, or at least the labels have sucked all the ignorant raw energy out of him, because they don’t know why he was so cool in the first place. He was pure energy in the most sarcastic, SoundCloud way possible, without making awful folk albums like X, being boring like his friend Smokepurpp or the Migos, or being a pedophile like 6ix9ine. He was the least problematic of the wave, but he had more charisma and personality than those guys combined, mostly because his one-line hooks were insanely catchy, his beats banged (especially the ones with distorted, crazy basslines), and he had the wit he needed to stand out, with particularly funny lines and running gags always included in his two minutes or less tracks. Now why do I say this? Because I feel bad for Pump, he’s been ripped of its unique characteristics and is now just nothing but a faceless (albeit face-tatted) body for Quavo and executives to paint lyrics onto so they can be regurgitated onto “catchy” trap beats... and this is why I miss songs like this so much.

#10 – “Gucci Gang” – Lil Pump

Produced by Bighead and Gnealz – from the album Lil Pump – Year-End: #44 – Peak: #3

This song isn’t really anything special on the surface, because it’s just Lil Pump spitting a hook and singular verse over a great beat from Bighead and Gnealz, with eerie piano countermelodies being immediately blasted with a hilariously heavy bassline, but that beat, regardless of how strong it is on its own, would be nothing without Pump, and he has no filter in this song, especially since he just calls out a popular brand of airlines by name, even though it was clearly his own fault when he was recklessly misbehaving on a plane because of drug influence... yeah, it doesn’t seem like I actually enjoy the song because of this ramble but that’s the best part of the song, his lyrics, especially when the beat cuts out for Pump to just spout his... “lyrical genius” onto pure silence, with an amount of dopey confidence that makes his family drug operations with his grandmother seem profound.

They kicked me out the plane off a Percocet / Now Lil Pump flyin’ private jet (yuh) / Everybody scream, “F*** WestJet!” (F*** ‘em!) / Lil Pump still sell that meth (yuh)

And he ends off the song with the words that started it all.

Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci gang

...As the audience realise, Lil Pump has learned nothing and none of the last two minutes and four seconds were of any substance, and wasted your time. That is the genius of “Gucci Gang” – it catches your attention for only two minutes but it feels like more and it feels like something better, something special and most importantly, something mesmerising, for those 124 seconds, then crushes all of your expectations by ending with a cheap fade out. Esketit, indeed.

Other than #2, I feel like this is the hardest one to explain, but I’ll try and get through it. See, Taylor Swift is a very talented songwriter, but her best ever decision was to link up with Jack Antonoff, as the music she’s produced with him has been her most intriguing yet, and I think she could potentially make an amazing album if they really perfected their pop song formula. Swift did take a turn though, a darker one, that involved both a #1 hit and her worst year on the charts yet, as it’s hard to even think that Taylor Swift had a sleeper hit this year. She seems to be doing okay with the tour and all, but I do feel bad for how a lot of people turned on her when she really should be excluded from this narrative... and she would be if she stopped talking about it and making an entire album about her “tainted reputation” that wouldn’t really exist if she didn’t pipe up about it—

#9 – “Delicate” – Taylor Swift

Produced by Max Martin and Shellback – from the album reputation – Year-End: #24 – Peak: #12

This song wasn’t even written by Jack Antonoff, but a lot of reputation was, and even in the non-Antonoff songs you can tell that his influence rubbed off on Taylor, with the beautiful vocoder effect put onto Taylor’s vocals in the intro and the spacey 80s-influenced production, especially with the vibrant synths in the pre-chorus that work as an excellent build-up to a drop that never happens, because Taylor’s still curious about it being soon. I don’t know what the lyrics are about, and I don’t care, because they’re catchy and even kind of odd and janky, so you can tell Taylor wrote some of them. Yeah, the songwriting and storytelling is subtle but all over the place at the same time, I think it’s mostly nonsensical, none of the Genius explanations really make much sense to me – but that’s fine, because it doesn’t attempt to really be all that serious. When it sounds like it, it’s immediately contrasted with the fun, melodramatic 80s synths, the absolutely beautiful bridge and the pitch-shifted vocals. From what I can gather, it’s written like it’s her talking to a guy, but it’s actually her reputation? Eh, who cares? This song is a fun slice of traditional pop in a year that had literally none, and like I said, it’s hard to explain what works about this song, but I think it’s the imperfect songwriting, because that’s Taylor’s main appeal to me. Even in her poppier, more “sell-out” efforts, you can tell that it’s home grown and not entirely polished. The production and songwriting does feel “delicate” in that regard... Huh.

Oh, yeah, speaking of people being delicate... and Taylor Swift...

#8 – “Yikes” – Kanye West

Produced by Kanye West – from the album ye – Year-End: N/A – Peak: #8

Now this song is a joke. I thought it was a legitimate expression of his struggles with bipolar disorder, but he said that he doesn’t have it, and then he said he needs meds for it? I’m not entirely sure about his status but as a fan, as long as the music’s good and he’s mentally okay, that’s all I’m worried about. Now about this song being a joke, well, yeah, it’s a joke at Kanye’s expense.

S*** could get menacing, frightening, find help / Sometimes I scare myself, myself

When he’s off the medication, when he’s crazy, when he doesn’t know what he’s going to do next, he panics, understandably, but instead of making a dramatic fuss about it, he makes a fun trap-influenced banger with several jokes pulling fun at potentially “problematic” or sensitive topics, but it’s his best material in a while, running off with Juvenile’s “Ha” flow, in the first verse, talking about how he’s scared of getting #MeToo’d (surprisingly he’s avoided that), how he made TMZ watchable by turning it into “Smack DVD, hanh” and how he got resurrected by drugs after he thinks he’s run creatively dry, which is something he’s mentioned on Twitter afterwards.

Yeezy, Yeezy trollin’ OD, hanh

I like this line as it demonstrates how there’s a thin line between Kanye “trolling” and joking around, and legitimately being dependent on hard drugs or medication to the point where he could inevitably overdose, and covering that up with humour, which is what he’s been doing his whole career: playing the underdog whilst covering all his insecurities in bragging about, as he said himself, “money, hoes and rims again”.

The second verse is hilarious too, as he rambles about how he hates hospitals and would rather be in North Korea smoking with Wiz Khalifa (presumably in his cool pants), whilst cheating on his wife, Kim Kardashian.

Ask your homegirl right now, you had a shot at Ye? You drop everything!

I love these spoken word interludes as it’s just primal Kanye releasing pure thoughts, especially in the outro, where he brilliantly says that his bipolar disorder is just a “superpower” instead of just a mental illness, and whether this is unhealthy or a legitimate attempt at normalising mental health issues we don’t really know, you never do with Kanye, but one thing’s for sure: this song is a great example of honesty on record, and it really shines in those stand-up comedy moments throughout. Oh, and that melody is just like three seconds of a string sample from another piece of music pitched down, cut and time-stretched to sound like a vocal saying “hey”, DJ Mustard style. Now that’s genius.

I’m so. Freaking. Glad this. Song exists.

#7 – “Mine” – Bazzi

Produced by Bazzi and Rice ‘n’ Peas – from the album COSMIC – Year-End: #21 – Peak: #11

Don’t get me wrong, this song is pure aesthetic-pop, music that only exists for the “vibe” and has no substance or artistic merit, in the lyrics or the composition. This is Snapchat filter level R&B... hence why it was used as a Snapchat filter and became a meme because of it. Although that stodgy flute melody can’t be denied, and I like how the filter starts off filtered before becoming entirely honest and blunt, because this is just Bazzi expressing pure love for this girl, although his motives are disputed throughout.

Hit it from the back and drive you wild

Throughout the whole song, you know for a fact that this man just wants sex, despite how genuine he attempts to be, and that’s the appeal, it’s Instagram filter pop because he puts a filter on something that is really ugly, natural and primal: lust. That’s not only pretty funny to me but it makes all the bluntly delivered lines feel not only like lies but manipulation – like when he chuckles right after crooning “eyes”, like, yeah, you care about her eyes, sure, Bazzi, sure. And then there’s the twinkly drop, with quite literally a twinkle prior to the chorus, and a cute synth that plays throughout, as well as multi-tracked vocal harmonisations that immediately come to a stop for an 8-bit escalation sound... Yeah, I don’t know what the deal with that is either but it all adds to the song’s statement of sorts: This isn’t what I really think, and the synths in the background are emphasising the lie. It’s cutesy, but in the most scummy way.

Waste this night away with me, you’re mine

“Yeah, waste it, because that’s all it’ll be, a complete waste, because I don’t care, I just want to pamper you until you’re in bed with me.” The mini-rap verse in the second verse with those cheesy Rhodes pianos is hilarious, especially the last line about turning her into a bride. Now, that’s an innuendo I don’t want to explain.

I can’t look away, I just gotta say

Yeah, he can’t look away, but he can’t even bring himself to say that the girl is his, because she isn’t. He doesn’t want her to be either, he doesn’t care, he just wants sex and it’s evident throughout the whole experience, with all these cloudy synthesizer melodies covering a storm of lust and sex-fuelled deceit.

Eminem is a great technical rapper, and sometimes he is funny, sometimes he has a couple good flows and subject matter that makes a decent song. If this was the early 2000s, I wouldn’t need to specify technicality. I could have just said, “Eminem is a great rapper”, and I would need no other introduction to this entry on the list, but Eminem has fallen off, especially in recent years, with a couple awful records, including his biggest misstep, Revival, which, frankly, everyone hated. There’s no beating around the bush here, there is no critic who really enjoyed this album too much, so as a response, Em dropped a remix to his song “Chloraseptic” where he mocked them (and missed the point)... but that wasn’t enough.

#6 – “Lucky You” – Eminem featuring Joyner Lucas

Produced by Boi-1da, Illa da Producer, Eminem and Jahaan Sweet – Year-End: N/A – Peak: #6

See, it’s that one intense bell melody that makes this song so good, not the orchestral or piano riffs added onto it, not the brass, not the rapping, not the lyrics, but that bell loop, because that’s what makes this song so urgent and intense, and so furious. If the bell loop was any slower or pitched lower, this song wouldn’t bang nearly as much, but it’s not like Joyner and Em wouldn’t try. Like I said there’s a heavy bass and trap percussion here, and it’s great, but Joyner Lucas goes off, essentially yelling in his first chorus before the smooth transition to Joyner’s verse, where he essentially just lets everyone know he’s back on his BS, while proving all of the rappers that are charting from one hit that he’s been there for a decade and still isn’t quitting, and despite people wanting him tied down, he is the “underdog who never lost hope”, as he says himself, and is finally finding success. Not only do I love his verse’s content, other than the part where he says some homophobic slurs in Spanish for some reason, but his flow is awe-inspiring. It’s simple but charismatic, constantly switching and it’s still clear what he’s saying, even in the fast-rap section. It’s pretty cool, to say the least, especially the last line, which is just kind of hilarious:

Snakes in the grass trying to slither fast, I just bought a f***ing lawnmower (VROOM)

Then he passes the mic to Eminem, who repeats the chorus with a couple differences, notably how he doesn’t believe his Grammys were well-deserved or earned, until the bass drops and he somehow trumps Joyner so much that it’s not even funny. While I don’t necessarily agree with what he says about the new wave rap, Em doesn’t seem to, either? He says that he feels bad for all the lean these guys are doing (to the point where they have brain damage) and that he doesn’t hate trap, but no one in the game is like his old fueds with Ja Rule, Benzino and, uh, Mariah Carey, or even technically great enough to make him have the fire to snap and make great music again like his friends used to force him back in the day. He needs the desire to snap back at the criticism, but he doesn’t have it, and—wow, this is the most self-deprecating brag-rap song I’ve ever heard. Then they both finish off the song by repeating the first part of Joyner’s verse, and it’s all come full circle, but not a single moment was wasted. Oh, Eminem went quicker than “Rap God” on this one as well, that’s pretty impressive to say the least. Next.

Wow, we’re already in the top five – now, these are the five (or in this case, six) songs I have the most trouble explaining, because to be this high on the list, you have to have some form of connection with me, because it has to last the whole year and I have to still care about it enough to write about it passionately. I first heard this song in late 2017 and honestly, it’s still growing on me and could easily be my #1 by the end of this year, but that’s beside the point. How do I write about this song? How do I gather my thoughts on “Mo Bamba” by Sheck Wes without yelling profanities at the top of my lungs?

OH! F***! S***! B****! / YOUNG SHECK WES AND I’M GETTING REALLY RICH (CHING CHING)

Honestly, I have no idea, so just read me try and make sense of this song.

#5 – “Mo Bamba” – Sheck Wes

Produced by 16yrold and Take a Daytrip – from the album MUDBOY – Year-End: N/A – Peak: #6

“Mo Bamba” by Sheck Wes is raw, and makes you think Sheck Wes is an absolute beast with no remnants of human characteristics, because he can’t really be a human if you take only his music into account. He’s either a droning robot man or a confused, furious animal that’s been caged for too long and is trying to get out, but can only yell the word “bitch” at the cage so many times. That iconic piano line is given like two seconds to play out before being interrupted by producer tags and the bass-heavy beat, with Sheck Wes just moaning about people calling his phone in the most dreary way possible (no autotune either to add artificial vibrato), with only ad-libs to hype up the droning slog of a performance, and those ad-libs absolutely help, especially those ring-rings and the iconic ad-lib you know him for, but also the panting and the maniacal laughter. I couldn’t care less about what Sheck is saying, I’m pretty sure it’s violent, but I don’t care. Then he takes a long, odd pause, just to continue like nothing happened, as the chorus continues with a slight increase in energy. Then he mentions Drake.

Call me Drake how a n**** control—

Then the beat cuts out because Take a Daytrip’s ancient computer lags, what do you do? Well, scream like a madman, of course. What else to do? You’ve freestyled the whole song, you’re on a roll, don’t let that stop you, Sheck Wes... and he really doesn’t, because he goes insane and we just have to listen with our jaws dropped for that one verse, and I can barely describe in words how that feels, that one verse is just transcendent in a weird way. It’s a release of anger and frustration that you have with the song droning on, that Sheck Wes has with the hoeeeeeeeeees caaaaaallllling, and it feels so raw and energetic, like one man against the world and he tells them to stick it in the purest way possible, by yelling profanities, threatening violence and making ching-ching sounds in the background, and it’s reasonable, because you’ve gotten through one and a half minutes of just one constant routine and this is your one big break... until it just continues like normal, until it stops abruptly so Sheck Wes can have his own mini-verse about the DOOOOOOOPE and gettin’ rich with his BROOOOOOOOOS and taking YOUR girl and she don’t even let you KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW

Now this one is an actual tie, not like #15, because this one has a genuine connection that isn’t subjective or only a loose relation, but I decided to tie these because they’re both excellent and brilliant songs produced by the one and only Pharrell Williams. Let’s just forget about Sweetener, and get mad ethnic right now.

#4 – “Lemon” – N.E.R.D. and Rihanna

Produced by Pharrell Williams and Kuk Harrell – from the album NO_ONE EVER REALLY DIES – Year-End: #83 – Peak: #36

The truth will set you free, but first it’ll piss you off.

N.E.R.D. made an amazing comeback in December of 2017 with the crazy good album NO_ONE EVER REALLY DIES, although it kind of got overshadowed by releases from BROCKHAMPTON and Eminem with more longevity, which is unfortunate because it’s one of the best albums I’ve heard from this decade. I own it on CD and at any chance I get to talk about it, I will. There are three versions of this song that all technically charted, but the one with Rihanna is the prime version. There’s a solo version and a Drake remix, but honestly why would you bother when this exists?

It starts with a manic bounce-influenced hyphy beat, reminding me of the Triggerman beat that bounce producers used to use back in the day and still do in Miami scenes, but unlike “Nice for What” by Drake, which just kind of lifted the sound and didn’t develop it or do anything interesting with it, Pharrell raps on the plucky synths and 808s like he was in an intense police car chase, fitting as the song is about authority and race politics which I’m not going to get into, because I don’t care, I just want to be bouncing around, bouncin’ to the sounds of hate supplements found right in their couches... what?

Yeah, that’s an actual lyric, but he doesn’t just spout nonsense over a bounce beat, no, he switches it with a stretched 808 section, using an Instagram video from a social media comedian and a blood-curdling shriek as a transition, then turns into a trap beat for Rihanna to brag on, and by God, I think I’m in love. This is the best performance, hands down, on the Year-End list, no question. Her flow, which switches throughout, is constantly slick and her delivery is powerful, carefree and fantastic.

Woo! This beat tastes like lunch

After a freaking Star Trek reference, it goes back to Pharrell talking about bath salt as his vocals are twisted in every possible way imaginable, as he raps about pulling up in a broken car not because he doesn’t have money, but because “your eyes get acidic”. Oh, N.E.R.D., please don’t leave us for this long next time. Wait, wait a minute--

Also #4 – “Stir Fry” – Migos

Produced by Pharrell Williams – from the album Culture II – Year-End: #48 – Peak: #8

Oh, he also produced this, just to show his versatility and Goddamn, is this one a great flip of the classic Mohawks “The Champ” sample, making an almost difficult beat. Pharrell, the genius producer he is, just lifts pretty much everything possible from this song, from the off-kilter snares, bongos and cricket sound effects from the whistles in the original, for the Migos to flow over, and I love the coating of keys every few bars that harmonises with the refrain, now that is godly production, especially for a top 10 trap-rap song, which I can only barely describe it as, really. I love Quavo’s eerily droning melodies in the refrain, before the hook that leads perfectly into Offset’s amazing verse, which is really short but also has a rapid flow to it, like it’s so fun and energetic, really proving how despite competition from Quavo’s brilliant ear for melody and hooks, Takeoff’s chilled rap skills, he is the best Migo.

Oh, there’s this distortion coming in on like the third chorus which is just an ugly synth that disappears immediately when Takeoff comes in, for one of his shortest yet best verse, until he copies Quavo’s refrain in the funniest way, where Takeoff knows he can’t sing, so makes his shoddiest effort possible and it’s majestically awful, like it’s seriously such an interesting experience to have Takeoff essentially croon off-key moaning about how everyone’s watching him in your ear, it’s oddly soothing and by God, I think I’m in love again. Everything I said about “Lemon” applies here, it’s manic, insane, somehow not a cluster of random sounds despite being just that, and finishes way too quickly when it deserves and can easily take another minute or two doing its thing. Pharrell brings out the best in everyone, even two homophobic weirdos and Takeoff.

So this is the hottest take of the bunch, and I think I like this because it’s a catchy, fun pop song in a year that didn’t have many, but it’s also probably because I’m lame and like sincere songs about love as well as awfully misleading “I just want to get into her pants” songs that pretend they’re sincere songs about love, and this is just a song like that... except it’s both? And it’s not really about love at all?

#3 – “I Like Me Better” – LAUV

Produced by LAUV – from the album I met you when I was 18. (the playlist) – Year-End: #35 – Peak: #27

This song is way too robotic to be about love, it’s way too stiff and way too sad. There’s not even a real flower on the single cover art, that is a plastic replica, I tell you. I think it’s about LAUV’s caffeine addiction. See, that’s why the guitar is scratchy and you can hear every single slap and string being hit with a twang, every single mistake, it’s organic, unlike the rest of the song. The guitar and his passion for music and songwriting is the only remnant of his personality before the first time when he got morning coffee, which caused him to stay for a long time and get addicted, eventually causing himself to believe that he has to rely on caffeine to live and he’s only productive when he’s—

Falling in love for the first time and being in a four-year relationship that taught me everything about myself, the world and how to love. – LAUV about the album this song originates from

Well, nevermind. Then why is it so stodgy? Is it because this love doesn’t exist, because if anything from the interview, it seems it does. The main drop melody is actually a vocal sample manipulated which I think represents the sheer emotion he’s feeling when he’s in love, how he can’t even find the words to describe this relationship that’s almost trapped himself into a cycle of fake finger-snaps and falsettos. Is its cutesy disguise and ugly drop supposed to be his facade disappearing and him finally realising love doesn’t mean anything and he’s been manipulating himself this whole time? Honestly, I don’t know, and I’m not going to over-think it anymore. This is a dude that’s just genuinely in love, or at least was, and is longing for her to stay with them, because LAUV thinks that when he’s around his true love, his soulmate, or at least who he thinks is his soulmate at the time, he’s a better person because of them, and he also said in that interview that the album is about him finding the ability to trust himself, so I think this is his first step, finding someone he can confide into. I like that, and I think this song’s head-in-the-clouds nature and atmosphere expresses that perfectly because he’s found himself in something he can’t safely get himself out of, but he doesn’t mind. It’s cool with him.

I like me better when I’m with you

It’s a pretty nice acoustic tune with some nice, dramatic synth work and a confusing yet perfect drop, and despite me having no clue what to think about it, really, I definitely know that I love how it sounds and I’m excited to hear more of LAUV in the future...

...Man, what did I just do? I put freaking LAUV on my best list, how humiliating is that? How am I ever going to be taken seriously when I put LAUV on my list of the best songs of 2018? Hopefully I can redeem myself with my choice for #2, Rae Sremm—What?

#2 – “Powerglide” – Rae Sremmurd (Swae Lee and Slim Jxmmi) featuring Juicy J

Produced by Mally Mall, Jean-Marie Hovart and Mike WiLL Made-It – from the album SR3MM (specifically disc 1, which is also titled SR3MM) – Year-End: #97 – Peak: #28

Yeah, the credits for this one are really THAT convoluted. Anyway, this one barely made the Year-End list and barely counted for this list, but even if it didn’t, this would be on the list, maybe lower for the sake of sticking to the rules though. Anyway, this is a Memphis rap song that just straight-up takes the beat from an old Three 6 Mafia song, bass-boosts it and has Rae Sremmurd rap on it about cars and strippers. So, what’s so special about it? Everything. It immediately puts you in that pump-up mood with Swae’s fun “yeah” ad-libs over intense strings and then the producer tags lead into the bass that knocks way too hard. The hook is way catchier than it has any right to be, and it’s just a simple flow but it’s so fun and swift, especially over this classic beat, with Swae dripping charisma from both his standard high-pitched singing vocals and his autotuned falsetto mumbling. In fact, the song as a whole is so positive. The lyrics may seem just like the standard rap fare because, really, they are, but they’re all so happy, upbeat and delightful, because this song is about respecting strippers for their work... in a car which is apparently just as good as an original generation Transformer. Cool, I guess?

R.I.P. Lil Peep, I gotta slow down on them Xans (HEY!)

Yeah, rest in peace to Lil Peep, and this line from Juicy J should be a message to rappers who are more careless about their hard drug use, it will mess you up and can kill you if you get an untrustworthy dose of fentanyl, be careful, guys. Wait, wasn’t this song about cars? Anyway, back to the song being positive, here’s a quote from Swae Lee that describes how cheery this song actually is, regarding the lyric, “she finer than a motherlover”.

I had to say it in the softest way. I want to say she’s beautiful, basically. She finer than a motherf***er—that’s kind of harsh. – Swae Lee on Genius’ Verified

That’s so pure. Just listen to the hook, which is already catchy and fun, and you can see how passive yet joyful this song is.

Kush all in my lap because these hoes don’t want to roll it

He’s not going to force them to smoke if they do not want to, he’s just going to put it in his lap. How nice of you. This whole song is about doing the usual rapper schtick, getting strippers to dance for you and smoke with you in a fast luxury car whilst wearing designer clothing, but they’re so respectful about it. Slim Jxmmi brings so much charisma to the track in his verse, and even shouts out the strippers directly, and says that sex workers and strippers shouldn’t be degraded just because of their line of work.

Might just leave with me tonight, but that don’t mean she a freak hoe / F*** with dancers and models, shout out them girls who get dollars

Jxmmi even specifies that if she wants, she can dance with her friends.

Shake that a** with your bestie

How nice of you, how respectful. Honestly I’m talking about the lyrics because there’s not much to say about the performers or the beat, it doesn’t change for the most part and each performer brings a unique delivery that keeps the turnt up vibe of the song. It’s an absolute banger and one of the best of 2018.

Much cooler than the cool kids, whoa

That’s cute, Swae. That’s cute. The song ends with Swae just chanting “hey” over and over and that’s a perfect way of finishing this banger, albeit abruptly. Uh, what else do I have to say about this? Uh, Slim Jxmmi is the best out of Rae Sremmurd and while I expected Swae Lee to have the bigger solo career, I am disappointed that it wasn’t Jxmmi, because he is such a legitimately fun and hype personality that I wish got more recognition. There’s a MuchDank video that replaces words in this song with “peanut butter” and it’s hilarious. Juicy J’s a legend. R.I.P. Lil Peep. Now it’s time for the big one.

After struggles with the label pulling him down and not letting him release music, and Birdman’s constant abuse and mismanagement, Lil Wayne managed to free himself in a court case and have a resurgence in the mainstream, mostly due to the release of his best album yet, Tha Carter V. Now I’ve already talked about “Uproar”, but now for the truly genius storytelling track on the record, and probably my favourite song that either artist has ever made, lasting longer than five minutes, that somehow nearly debuted at #1 on Billboard. Screw you, Maroon 5.

#1 – “Mona Lisa” – Lil Wayne featuring Kendrick Lamar

Produced by Infamous – from the album Tha Carter V – Year-End: N/A – Peak: #2

How in the mother of God does this song not have a Wikipedia page? This track is cinematic and presents itself beautifully, especially its story, which is about Wayne observing a deceptive woman who Wayne hires in order to rob a dude after the woman succeeds in seducing him for weeks and gaining his trust, before being betrayed. Kendrick then shifts the perspective to the “boyfriend” and talks about his feelings as he’s being deceived. That is the story in a nutshell, but the track makes it feel like a blockbuster movie.

We start with a light piano melody with Kendrick riffing a little refrain briefly before that lighter flick, which feels more tense than ever, as he sums up Wayne’s role as the mafia boss who essentially just sends women to hunt these men so Wayne can have the loot while not caring about himself or the dude they’re robbing. It’s awful and dreadful, and that’s why Kendrick’s verse is so good, because it gives a bigger picture to both perspectives and doesn’t just become a pointless, one-sided track from Wayne’s autotuned, braggadocios side of the story.

I see n****s in this b****, stuntin’, poppin’ bottles / Gettin’ drunk with these b****es, and when they leave they get followed / Fall asleep with that b**** and really don’t know much about her / Then she let us in, we take all of your s*** and when you wake up, she help you try to find it / I love it

Yeah, essentially, thanks, Wayne, for making my commentary and synopsis entirely unnecessary by explaining the whole thing in the first few bars. Wayne does later go into grim detail about the situation, with some really clever lines here and there.

Watch your mouth, Milli Vanilli (Ooh)

That b**** ain’t no angel, I treat her halo like a Frisbee

Lil Wayne’s intense second verse develops the story by detailing his experience with the girl named Liz who is one of the women he hired, as he hides in the bushes outside, turns music on to distract him and follows her into the house, then turning the music down and putting a gun to his frown, as he says in the song, just to get the pure satisfaction of seeing his terrified face as he is being robbed and killed by Wayne and his gang, as he finds out that Liz has been deceiving him. It’s fantastically evil, with the spacey beat only furthering this atmosphere. I love the comparison to Mona Lisa’s ambiguous smile as well. The song seems like it would end at about three and a half minutes in, but then...

Kendrick Lamar comes in with an ad-lib, he’s that good, and impresses over an orchestral instrumentation, beeping noises, distorted multi-tracked vocals of his own lyrics and police sirens... what? He then shifts his perspective to Liz’s “boyfriend” after he’s being robbed, panicking and sniffing around Liz, completely flabbergasted by this fake story that he’s been believing for weeks, maybe months, years, on end, and it all wasn’t worth it – and it’s all executed excellently, sometimes it’s really funny too, especially in that blip where Lil Wayne’s hit “Lollipop” comes up on Liz’s ringtone, it’s great. Both brought their A-game here, and when it comes to the end of Kendrick’s verse, well...

You scandalous as f*** and I hope you blow up / You know what? I give up, let me go get my gun / I got one in the chamber, I’m plannin’ on aimin’, Goddamn it, you know that the damage is done / B****, I’m in emotional ‘cause I’m in stress / I’m not supposed to go through this, I guess / So in conclusion, since you like rappers that’s killin’ that p****, I’m killing myself

Well? Do you expect me to say anything about that? It’s pretty self-explanatory, and with Kendrick Lamar’s rapid flow, it sounds insane. This song is one of the most perplexing hits of the year, but it’s one that actually requires you to think. It tells a story. Sure, it’s dreary like the worst of the year instead of joyful like its runner-up but it’s genius songwriting, all in a pop context, for five straight minutes, all elegantly orchestrated in a cinematic tone that makes it feel worth of a film adaptation. That’s what I like in pop music, when everyone has everything sorted out and it’s perfect, or imperfect, because every single little trait about the song has been ironed out and perfected to extend the song’s quality, personality, length, story and overall massive feeling. This is the peak of 2018 pop music, and I think that’s pretty safe to say, nobody expected this from Wayne in 2018, and with the amount of trouble Wayne had to go through to even get this released, with Birdman pulling its release for years to Martin Shkreli leaking a snippet and potentially meaning it never got out to the public ever, this feels triumphant, and an essential piece of music when examining the late 2010s, a time when the American public was that insanely depressed and downbeat that they let a song about hiring women to trick men into being robbed, leading to the man killing himself because he’s been living a lie, that lasts five minutes and doesn’t even have a hook, fight with a plastic, inoffensive Maroon 5 song for the #1 spot on the most prestigious music chart worldwide, and nearly bloody make it as well. And to think I nearly gave this to freaking Rae Sremmurd. Thank you, Lil Wayne, Kendrick Lamar and Infamous, thank you for “Mona Lisa”, the best hit song of 2018, by far – and thank you for reading, see you next time.

She say, “Ooh”, no emotion, Mona Lisa, Mona Lisa / Now he gets the picture, Mona Lisa, Mona Lisa, yeah...

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