#by that dude I mean the dude with the condoms from Shabbat | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

againjack · 6 years

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Shiva

Thursday afternoon Colby called me. Since he has gotten in the habit of calling me when he is in the car (to work, to a client, from a client, heading home) I didn’t think much of it. Turns out it was to tell me that his cousin’s mother had died, the cousin who knew we were a couple before Colby did.

After we chatted about that we moved onto other things until he had to go. I found it interesting that he pulled the same thing my brother did. When I asked if he wanted me there, he just said, “Well, I won’t be going into work so I can go to the funeral.” Thanks for the direction, dude, and letting me know your expectations and how involved you want me. :P

The original plan was to meet at his shul for services Friday evening. Since the funeral was 9am, I made the call to head to his place for Thursday night. It was funny, I left him a voicemail to that effect, and hours later he called me to suggest the same not having heard my voicemail.

I would love to say he was excited to see me or was affectionate. He was his normal self, kissed me when he got home and we just hung out. I mostly hung out in the living room watching tv and being on my computer while he putzed upstairs after we ate. He did give me a bit of crap for the dinner I threw together but it was fairly healthy, cheap, fast, etc. I was impressed he got up and was able to get out the door by 7:45am.

The funeral was... interesting. The rabbi at my current shul was there and basically ignored me; didn’t even say hi or anything. He also ignored Colby completely. I was somewhat shocked at how many of my friends showed up from my current shul. To be fair, they weren't there for me at all, but for the cousin who is a member of that shul and good (better) friends with them all. I got to see and interact with the former administrator as well, which was awkward.

It was funny because my friends kept telling me to go be with family. They all recognized how I was part of the grieving family and sorta kept their distance. I was able to introduce Colby to a few of my friends, especially one that is important to me. Through the short service, I stood at Colby’s side. I participated in the mitzvah of helping to bury the dead - while I was doing my three shovels, Colby offered to hold my purse, which was sweet. After the service I met a lot of that part of the family, my head is swimming with names and faces, not necessarily matching up.

We had taken separate vehicles to the service (and I beat him by 20 minutes even though we left at the same time.) After the service, he went to work and I went back to his place to work from there. Good thing too, because there was a huge accident that it would have taken forever to get home. I guess had I brought my work stuff to the service I could have gone to an office, but I didn’t.

As the original plan was for me to basically stay and not go back to my place until after next weekend was shot, after doing some meetings, training, and catching up on some tickets I headed north to my place. I knew at 2pm on Friday afternoon it was a crap shoot. After an hour plus (more than 3x normal without traffic) I made it and let the dogs play in the backyard. Loki got loose so I had to chase him around my neighborhood a bit; luckily he likes to stop and sniff everything so I was able to catch up and grab him by his collar. Yes, I was stupid enough to not have a leash on him.

I managed to pack food, clothes, etc. - even taking into account the road trip next weekend - in a half hour. Ten minuted into the way back and I realized I had forgotten something important that I can’t just pick up so I turned around to get it. It took the normal 30 minutes to his place. I was glad as it gave me a chance to walk the dogs and freshen up before heading to his shul.

I got there early, to participate in a guided meditation before Shabbat. That was a really nice experience. I loved every part of it - only natural sunlight streaming in through the chapel windows, the hippie-dippie music, the quiet, the soft voice of the cantor - and her hug at the end. I then tried to enjoy the 15 minutes before services started with Colby en route, but that was uncomfortable since I didn’t know anyone, and didn’t want to barge into any conversations.

We were supposed to meet up with friends, but they had spaced on us (again.) So instead of going to a fancy restaurant, we went to a cheaper one. I’ve gotten bolder in talking about my wants/needs. He is very clear that I expect some action this week, as that is basically what I need to know at this point. I also pointed out that I know how challenging that would be this coming week considering he has something every night. Even with that chat, there were no cuddles or making out last night. In fact, he went out to walk Loki and I gave up waiting and went to bed - a half hour later I passed out and he hadn’t returned yet. I have no idea when he came to bed, but I know that he did because I sorta woke and got super hot.

This morning he had appointments to get his hair cut and take Loki to the vet for a check up and some vaccinations. Even for a 9:40 appointment he ran late despite getting up around 8:15ish. (I did not appreciate an alarm at 6:30am that he forgot to update from yesterday.) He called on his way back from the barber asking me to join him for the vet, which I did.

While at the vet waiting on various things he scrolled through his phone (he did that through dinner last night too, which I didn’t appreciate) and somehow an ad for a dating app came up, that had an image of a banana with a condom as a hat. I asked him how he got that ad (since, let’s face it, 90% ads are now targeted based on our facebook profile or searches) he claimed he didn’t know. I joked pointedly that his facebook status is still single, to which he said he had been meaning to change that.

From the vet to Petco I brought up how he didn’t seem to know my cycle, based on comments he made a few days ago. I asked if he wanted to be part of my app, but he declined. He said I make it known normally with comments somehow, which I didn’t think I did. He made it clear he didn’t understand how cycles work and how hormones impact the body in other ways - such as headaches, being extra tired, etc.

Later over lunch, I brought back up the ad and discussed that since we are monogamous and in a long-term relationship we probably won’t need them when we get there, also since dealing with it could exacerbate his issues. He freaked out, worried about birth control. I told him that I am aware of timing with my app/tracking and that helps for the most part. Though considering I am not so careful at the time when one should be most... well we paused the conversation there. :P

Over lunch, we also discussed my concern about affording things. I’ve been telling him my plight and options I have, but it seemed to just sink in. the nice thing is that he said that we would figure out the storage and how to afford movers for the things from my place to storage or his place. It was nice that he took ownership/responsibility for at least these things, seeing it as being a team effort. I appreciate that he is starting to see us as a team.

At this point, I am waiting for him to return from errands (I guess?) for us to go to Shiva, where I get to do more socializing with his extended family. I got the impression from some comments made yesterday that they are eager to get to know me, so staying on the fringes might not be in the cards.

#dating Colby #test moving in #combining households #money issues #sex please

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