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everythingsinred · 1 year

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Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Mikan (pt. 17)

I know it's been a while. I don't really wanna apologize because... well... it's not my fault. I had a lot of stuff happening in my life recently. Nothing too huge but I've been so tired that writing this essay was simply too much. It's a pretty challenging project, actually, and it takes up a lot of time and energy, so I had to take a short break until I felt like I could resume posting.

Anyway, this is the Discovering Natsume Arc, and would you look at that, we left off just as Mikan was learning his tragic backstory, finally after all this time. Today we'll see just how far Mikan is willing to go to protect him and his happiness.

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Chapter Sixty-Five

It would be super-cool if I could analyze Mikan’s real-time reaction to the whole story, but that’s not the way the story is presented to us, so I can’t. All I can analyze is what I see. More than that would be speculation… fanfiction. Anyway!

Ruka’s story ends and the girls finally have a chance to react. Mikan had been hearing about this fire, about Natsume being a criminal and murderer, since she first came to the academy. Reo said that the fire Natsume set was the reason he got sent to the school, why he’d been placed in the DA class. But now she knows the truth. He’s no criminal. He didn’t set the fire. He took the blame himself to protect his sister.

Hadn’t Ruka told her a while ago that Natsume was the kind of person who always puts others before himself? At the time, Mikan struggled to fully fathom that because her view of Natsume was limited to what he wanted her to see. If Mikan listened to Natsume, trusted that how he came off was how he really was, then she wouldn’t feel romantically towards him now. And maybe Mikan would have listened if Ruka hadn’t been there to challenge her. Mikan knows now that Natsume has been sacrificing himself his whole life, that every day at the academy is a sacrifice he makes for his sister. So, yes, Ruka was completely right about Natsume being a selfless person.

Mikan had been slowly seeing small glimpses that he was right before, but now she knows the full extent of it.

Natsume has to do horrible missions for the school. Because Aoi is being held over his head, he has no choice but to comply. And all the while, Ruka’s star rank has been going up, a symbol of Natsume’s suffering. And Ruka can’t do anything but watch helplessly.

This puts things into perspective.

Mikan had always known that Ruka must care about Natsume a lot to defend him so fervently, but now she can see there’s more to it. Ruka defends Natsume and his reputation because he feels like he can’t protect him in a way that matters. This is all he can do for his friend, stick up for him.

And Natsume’s experience with the DA class, his strategic knowledge, his dark life, his disdain for the academy, his suicide attempt--it all makes sense now. The puzzle that is Natsume has been solved after all this time.

And I think it’s important that Ruka is the one to destroy the mystery. Gakuen Alice is so much a story about friendship and love and bonds, more than a story about magic or corruption. Human beings don’t exist in a vacuum. Personality traits are always tied to human interaction. Natsume sharing his own backstory is out of character, but Ruka doing it for him is an act of love. And that makes Natsume look better too, and always has. He has someone who loves him, who sees a lot of good in him. So Mikan has always had Ruka’s voice in her head from the beginning, the voice of somebody who loves Natsume. And now she knows everything, told from the loving and fiercely protective perspective of his very best friend.

In any case, Mikan is trembling with rage. She screams her disapproval at the school.

It's an institutional problem, actually. It would take a while to get into.

Mikan has known from the beginning, partly because Natsume warned her, that this school has a darkness to it, that it’s more than just a wacky academy for weirdo kids. But its darkness has transcended the abstract now. It’s no longer hypothetical. “It’s unfair,” she says, and of course she’s right. Natsume never did anything to deserve what happened to him. He did good and noble things and was taken advantage of ever since.

“No more,” she decides to herself. She won’t let the school do what they want with Natsume anymore. This is a vow of protection. She is swearing, via her internal monologue, that she won’t allow Natsume to be hurt anymore. In particular, she says, “I won’t let them do what they want with Natsume’s future… with our futures anymore!”

This could mean anything!!! I guess my job is to explain some possibilities. It depends on who you think the “our” in question is.

The most likely explanation is that Natsume’s case seems to be the worst, that is that the school’s mistreatment of him is the apex of their general mistreatment of children. Holding them accountable for what they’re doing to Natsume, thus saving his future, is key to helping all the students, thus saving “our futures.” Here, “our” would refer to all academy students. Pretty simple. Pretty likely.

Or it could be a little more personal. “Our” could mean this little group that has set out to save Natsume, all his good friends who care about him. If they save Natsume, they’ll all be happier, because they all love Natsume and want him to be okay. Thus their futures would be secured as well. After all, Ruka is suffering because Natsume is suffering. Obviously, the fate of friends is intertwined. All of them will suffer if Natsume continues to suffer.

Or it could be very personal. “Our” could refer to Mikan and Natsume. This is internal monologue, after all, so it doesn’t need to be bold and inspiring to other characters. Mikan has been thinking of the ESP’s warning/threat during all of this, thinking that Natsume could be the “something important” she might lose if she’s not careful. If Natsume disappears forever, her own future will suffer too. But she doesn’t want anybody to take anything important from her. She refuses to allow the ESP to steal Natsume from her. One consistent fear of Mikan's is the threat of losing Natsume--specifically him. In the future, she is at risk of losing other loved ones, but Natsume's connection to the DA class, his life-shortening alice, and his martyr complex all make him the biggest risk.

It’s probably a mixture of all of those things. In any case, Mikan refuses to let Natsume be hurt anymore, so she and Hotaru rush off to find him and protect him from Persona.

Chapter Sixty-Six

The team decides to split up because the path divides three ways. Ruka is a bit surprised by how determined Mikan and Hotaru are, but they seem to be equally invested in helping Natsume, all three of them.

Mikan’s path involves descending dark stairs. She thinks about Natsume being in a place like this, all on his own, trapped forever. It’s sweet to see her so concerned about him. It’s easy to be like Sumire during the Reo Arc and just assume that he knows what he’s doing because he always acts like he knows what he’s doing. But Natsume was lured here, tricked, which means he’s just as overwhelmed as she is. He doesn’t have a plan because he didn’t even know what he was walking into.

Crying about these scans looking like someone broke a ink pen all over them...

Turns out that Mikan’s path leads to a dungeon, where she meets a very cute girl. They hit it off right away, but Mikan is confused about why a random girl would be locked up in a dungeon for seemingly no reason. When the girl reaches up to touch her face and then comments that Mikan is cute too, pieces start coming together. This girl is blind and Mikan quickly figures out she’s Aoi, Natsume’s lost little sister.

Aoi has apparently been gaslit and manipulated about her position and even her own identity after losing her memories. She talks about Persona like he’s helping her and doesn’t consider herself a prisoner even though the cell door is locked. She’s been getting “treatment” for her eyes and is “allowed” to work to repay the favor, even though the person she’s working for is the person who blinded her in the first place.

Mikan catches on pretty quick that Aoi has the complete wrong idea about her situation and tries to explain to Aoi that Persona is not the kind man he’s tried to make himself out to be and that there’s a lot she doesn’t know, that she should be going to school with the other Alices, not locked away in a dungeon. But Aoi defends Persona, saying he used to live in this very dungeon, and had a very sad life. Persona is comforted by Aoi, who claims she is not an Alice.

But Mikan remembers from Ruka’s story that Aoi had always been smiling, always upbeat and cheerful. But this girl in front of her isn’t smiling, because Persona stole her smile away from her, just like he stole away Natsume and Ruka’s smiles. She wants to help Aoi get her memories back and promises that she’ll help her escape, so that she can be reunited with people who truly love her.

Mikan doesn’t know Aoi very well. They just met, and all she really knows about her she learned from Ruka’s story. But they hit it off, and Aoi is innocent. She doesn’t deserve to be locked up. But there’s something more to it. Aoi is precious to Natsume, who went through a great deal of trouble on the off-chance he might be able to save his sister. Mikan wants to help him too, to reunite him with somebody he loves. Just like at Christmas, when Mikan was at least partially motivated by the thought of Natsume when she yelped Youichi, she's still thinking of him now.

It's lovely to see how strong her love for Natsume is through this exchange.

Hotaru calls her to let her know she and Ruka have found Natsume and suddenly Mikan is reinvigorated. She can’t let Aoi out herself because she’s locked up, but she can bring Natsume here. She promises to come back soon with somebody Aoi loves and takes off, eager to see Natsume again, to tell him that she’s found his precious sister. “The hope he’s been searching for” is so close, she thinks.

And, yes, obviously anybody would be excited to tell the relative of a kidnapping victim that they’ve found the person, but this is tinged with the extra flavor of Mikan’s affection for Natsume, her desire to protect his happiness and to see him happy. He’s been upset and miserable for so long, worrying about his sister for years. It’s hard not to believe that Natsume will feel instant relief to see his sister safe and sound, maybe even smiling. It all seems so close, like everything is coming together. The happy ending is right around the corner.

But when she actually rounds the corner, there’s a fight instead. Her friends are up against a formidable opponent. It’s very cold in this hallway, and obviously something important is happening. But when Natsume turns around and calls her name, that’s important too.

This is the first time she’s seen him since she learned his tragic backstory, since she’s fully discovered him. She already cared about him, obviously, but she can’t help but view him in a new light now. He’s not just kind on occasion, his whole life has been molded from his selflessness. He has suffered and struggled for years and now she knows.

It always feels so important... So it must be.

To be honest, I think this is the point where Mikan (whether she will ever admit it to herself or not) is fully in love with Natsume. Now that she fully understands his motivations, her affection has reached new heights, and seeing him for the first time since learning all this new stuff about him takes her aback. Because this moment carries weight. She looks at him and it matters.

But she doesn’t have the privilege of lingering in the moment because the fight is still going on. They’re fighting against an ice alice, against somebody used to the basement. Natsume’s fire alice is a good defense, and he calls to Mikan for assistance. Together, he says, they can stop her without hurting her.

Very nice!

Mikan always struggles with feeling like her alice carries worth. It is a consistent insecurity. But just like Natsume turned to her during the Z Arc and expected her to contribute, he now is asking for her help. His alice can only hurt. But hers can protect, even their opponent. This is also important. Lots of important stuff going on here.

Then Mikan sees that their opponent is Nobara, who doesn’t look like herself. Nobara, who had been concerned about them, about Natsume. Nobara, who’d warned Mikan to get Natsume out of there. Nobara, who had led Tsubasa to help them. Nobara, Mikan’s sweet friend.

All it takes is a bit of nullification and Mikan calling out her name for Nobara to snap out of it, suddenly emotional and horrified. Just like with Youichi, Mikan can see another example of the struggle DA kids go through. They’re pitted against each other, made to fight, put in dangerous situations, treated like weapons, hypnotized into a state where they can finally be made to commit violence.

Nobara runs away, ashamed, but nobody can chase after her, because Persona and Yakumo are still there, emerging from the shadows.

Chapter Sixty-Seven

Mikan asks Persona what he had done to Nobara, but he only laughs her off. It’s Natsume who explains, who tells her that Nobara is put into a trance for missions because she can’t be made to hurt people normally.

That other personality brought out by the trance state is why people call her the “Ice Princess,” why she’s notorious and feared throughout the school. In the state, she can be cold and heartless, blindly and emotionlessly carrying out orders. All the DA class kids have unfair reputations forced upon them. Nobara, the Ice Princess. Natsume, the criminal Black Cat. Mikan is angry that Persona has gotten away with taking advantage of kids for so long, unchecked.

Persona announces that Natsume lost the “deal,” so he’ll be locked up forever without ever seeing his sister again. But Mikan won’t allow that. Aoi is so close. A happy future has to be waiting for them, still, especially for Natsume. Natsume has suffered enough, and she will no longer allow his life to be at the mercy of a sadistic child abuser.

He’s her partner, after all.

Mouse... Rat... I don't know what it is.

Ruka saves her in the knick of time from Persona’s alice, unfortunately resulting in the untimely demise of one of his rats. They can all see Persona’s alice clearly now. The reader likely already has an idea of what his alice is from the end of Chapter 27, when he threatened Natsume. A dead plant, then. A dead rat now. Furthermore, he’s unmoved by the damage he’s caused. Undoubtedly, Ruka and the others are horrified, not just to see the alice in action, but also to witness the loss of life. But Persona’s only bothered by the fact that he hadn’t managed to kill Mikan.

Sadly, Mikan never gets the chance to tell Natsume herself that she’s found his sister, that they can be reunited. Instead, amnesiac Aoi is mysteriously free from her dungeon and blindly making her way through the halls, calling out to Mikan and to Persona. Natsume is shocked to see her, quickly approaching her. But when he calls out to her, she asks him who he is. She can’t recognize his voice and asks for Persona instead.

Natsume is hurt, and Mikan can tell. That’s unacceptable. They’re supposed to have a happy reunion. Natsume is supposed to smile, relieved that his sister is safe. They’re supposed to remember each other, to hug maybe.

That has gotta hurt.

So she pleads with Aoi to remember her precious brother, Natsume.

Mikan uses the word “precious” or “important” or something along those lines a lot in reference to Natsume and Aoi and their joined suffering. It’s true that Natsume and Aoi should be precious to each other, on the basis of being siblings who love each other. But it’s brought up so often, especially from Mikan’s side, I can’t help but feel like this issue is personal for her. Aoi is precious in large part because she’s precious to Natsume, because she’s the key to Natsume’s happiness, in Mikan’s view. And Natsume has to be precious to Aoi because he’s precious to her. Aoi has to love him, because Mikan does. Aoi has to remember her brother, because Mikan can’t imagine forgetting him.

Mikan’s desperation for them to properly reunite is an act of love.

They’re again interrupted by the fight. Yakumo takes advantage of the distraction to have a bug bite Hotaru, Ruka, and Mikan. Though Hotaru and Ruka are bitten on the neck, effectively paralyzing them momentarily, Mikan manages to protect herself just in time to be bitten on the hand instead.

Persona tries to manipulate Aoi again, accusing Natsume of being the one who injured her and had her lose her memories. It’s infuriating that he’s constantly lying, but Natsume just stands in front of his sister to protect her anyway, making a declaration that he will protect her this time. And Aoi remembers him.

He protects her, the way he always has, and that triggers her memories.

Persona uses his power while they’re distracted, and Mikan, who was perhaps pretending to be fully paralyzed up ‘til now, finally moves. She pushes Natsume and Aoi out the way and uses her nullification. But the barrier is impeding her alice too, meaning she has to use a lot of her power in order to be effective.

Mikan has been desperate for them to reunite (for Natsume to be happy), and she isn’t about to let Persona ruin things, especially the very moment that Aoi has finally remembered her brother. There’s a lot of reasons why Mikan acts the way she does in this scene, but the most overarching theme here is protecting Natsume’s happiness, from the way she sees it.

Not on Mikan's watch!

That’s why, when Persona walks right up to the Hyuuga siblings to attack them, when Natsume stands in front of Aoi to protect her, when things are looking dire, Mikan steps in.

From her point of view, all of Natsume’s suffering so far has been a direct result of Persona’s actions. This is, of course, true to some extent. Persona is undoubtedly a child abuser in multiple ways and feels no remorse in kidnapping, extortion, assault, and even murder, as shown in this scene. But getting rid of Persona wouldn’t necessarily eliminate all of Natsume’s issues, either. Persona may be a villain, but he’s just another employee. I bring this all up because even though Mikan might fancy herself a little more in the know after hearing Ruka’s story, she’s still naive. She still thinks there’s some way she can fix everything by herself, some way of unlocking the path to a perfectly happy ending for the people she loves. Persona causes Natsume to suffer. Ergo, getting Persona out of the picture would mean Natsume could be happy, right?

There is the fact that they are currently threatened by Persona in the sense that he intends to lock Natsume up forever, and thus defeating him is the key to ensuring Natsume’s (relative) freedom. But my previous point still stands. She still has a pretty idealistic view of things, even after everything.

I know Natsume's the one whose thoughts are on the page right now, but it also fits Mikan's point of view right now, and her desire to protect Natsume for once.

Thus she tackles Persona. I’d mentioned before that Mikan’s alice seems to work best through physical contact or at least some degree of proximity. The one exception was when she nullified Yuka’s stealing alice so she wouldn’t take Natsume’s alice. Down here in the basement, with the barrier alice, Mikan needs the proximity more than ever. Persona has a powerful alice, so it only makes sense that she would need to fully tackle him to prevent him from using it. Though Mikan was able to stop him from using the alice on the Hyuuga siblings, his mask fell off, and because of the physical contact, Mikan got a full hit of his power.

Persona gloats about this. If she had been smart or hadn’t been such a busybody, they’d all have only faced the smoke he gives off, which wouldn’t have been life-threatening. But the physical touch, especially without the mask, made it sure that Mikan wouldn’t survive. He tells her that it’s too late now; she is certainly going to die.

So precious she would die for it.

I think Persona’s alice being a little vague and mysterious up to now was important. The only previous hints we had as to what his power might be were only revealed through other characters’ interactions with him, namely Natsume or Narumi. We get only small glimpses throughout the manga, but his power remains mysterious anyway. But Mikan never got those glimpses. She’s entirely in the dark, entirely oblivious. She saw that mouse die, so she knows they’re up against a dangerous villain, but she was still ignorant to how his alice functioned. Mikan wasn’t trying to be cocky or full of herself, as Persona suggests. Instead, she uses her alice the way it works the best, hoping to be as effective as possible so she could protect the people she loves. The problem was that by using her alice to the best of its ability, she invited Persona to use his alice the same.

In short, ignorance can cause a lot of grief for a person. But, really, how could Mikan have known? The real message here is nobody can ever be fully informed on any decision they make. I guess.

Conclusion

Next time (tomorrow), we'll try to wrap up this arc and see how far Mikan will go now that she's already pretty much cemented her incoming death. Whoops!

Yeah. This might be a short post but tomorrow's will probably be pretty long and to be honest, today was a wreck for me. One of my cats was having some concerning symptoms so I had to take her to the vet and I have cried so much in the past couple days about it. It's okay--she'll be fine now. But OOF. Big day for me.

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