#crawl inside your rib age and eat your heart so it won't get hurt anymore. or something t

[luukeskywalker]

obi wan before the fall of the republic is sooooo fun and flippant and quippy and he's so full of life and even though he's experienced so much pain and loss, he has so much love in his life, and even though he's fighting in a war he never wanted to be a part of, and even though this war goes against who he wants to be, he fights it because it's his duty and he's proud to be a jedi, he loves to help and has a bleeding heart for all the pathetic lifeforms of the galaxy. and he's so confident, so sure, that one day this war will end and he can go back to his life before, where they will he at peace and his family will be with him and even though he's suffered so much, it will be time to heal.

and then it never comes. and everything he loved is gone, burned and destroyed beyond recognition, the republic in shambles, his friends all massacred, and all that's left of his best friend, his brother, his closest companion throughout this terrible war are his newborn children. and obi-wan can't even know them. and he retires to a shitty desert planet - the same one anakin came from - and all the grief hits him at once and it is fucking overwhelming. it's like he's drowning in it. there's no way out. his only lifeline is occasionally getting to see luke from afar. he has lost everything and even then still has more to lose - he just doesn't know it yet

#can u imagine how he felt when he learned alderaan was destroyed. bail and breha. gone. #did he know leia was on the death star at that moment? how could he? did he think she had died there too? #oh god obi wan oh god i need to #crawl inside your rib age and eat your heart so it won't get hurt anymore. or something t