#cyrusXanders

[thedragonagelesbian]

@hexblooddruid while we're on today's theme, i need to share cyrus' tendency to flirt with healers who are trying to take care of him rather than engage authentically with their concern for him.

#this post has been in my drafts since october but i'm sharing it now for bryn acevedo specifically #cyrus hawke #cyrusXanders #cyrusXhalsin

[roxyjane]

My handsome 7 year old #CyrusXander #Cyruszilla starting 2nd grade and he's so excited and happy. (at Huntington Park, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bmd_tFWHUSt74Q5SEohPIPrxn4F_cWPn1f8ST80/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=77jglkz5oy1p

#cyrusxander #cyruszilla

[thedragonagelesbian]

in honor of the fic being drafted...

#cyrus hawke #cyrusXanders #okay now im going back to bed

[thedragonagelesbian]

@hexblooddruid replied to your post “For the WIP asks 1 has me intrigued as well”:

‘“I’m resilient” Cyrus offered, quiet but defensive’ I care him so much

​same energy

cyrus will be hanging onto life by a bloody tether & still his first instinct will be to reassure/apologize to the person trying to save him, especially in a setting where healing magic is so much more limited, and especially to anders, who is so acutely distraught by it. other characters worry about his sacrificial tendencies, but anders (and to a lesser extent astarion) is the one for whom that distress manifests as frustration & even sometimes anger.

#hexblooddruid #cyrus hawke #cyrusXanders

[thedragonagelesbian]

i have this heartbreaking and crystal clear moment in my mind of post-kirkwall cyrus having a bad body feels episode, unsure of where he begins and ends, reaching out to a fire just trying to feel something and watching numbly as the skin blisters and burns and regrows over and over and over again, and anders sees him, snuffs the fire out with a burst of ice magic, and even though he doesnt need to heal them, he kisses cyrus' fingers while holding him as cyrus cries gently

#cyrus hawke #cyrusXanders #i guess this is the energy we're bringing to monday lol

[thedragonagelesbian]

For the WIP asks 1 has me intrigued as well

WIP Folder Game

I made the 'cyrusXvarric quarantine zone' doc because I got frustrated trying to write/edit the fic where they get together after the Arishok fight, and I decided to separate it from the rest of my da2 cyrus fics as punishment. Initially I was just trying to have a dedicated space to work through the climactic scene, but then I. Decided to rewrite the entire thing, this time an extra emphasis on (a) the duel itself and the toll it takes on cyrus; (b) cyrus & anders still being super unwell about each other even like a month after their breakup; and (c) the realization that cyrus' body has started to reject healing magic, all of which add important context imo to cyrus' desire for the selfishness that varric offers him but weren't present in the original draft

“Maker’s breath,” Anders groused, blessedly unsentimental, “how are you still conscious right now?”

Cyrus tried to sit up, but Anders grabbed him by the shoulder, and Cyrus must have really been out of it because Anders kept him down effortlessly. “Is… is it that bad?”

“Yes! Stay still.”

“I’m resilient,” Cyrus offered, quiet but defensive.

“You’re only mortal, Cyrus.” Between the edge in Anders’ voice, sharp enough to be familiar, and the way Cyrus’ immediately looked away, it seemed like an argument that they had had before. With a sigh, Anders touched one hand to Cyrus’ stomach and brought the tip of his staff close. “Hold still and breathe deep, this might hurt a bit.”

“I’ve done this before.”

“Too many damn times.”

A soft wash of blue light flooded the edge of Varric’s vision… followed by a puzzled, “Um… That didn’t—?”

“Lay back down!”

Again, the glow of magic flooded this room, but when it faded, Anders swore, and Varric couldn’t help but turn around— and immediately regretted it upon seeing the gouge through Cyrus’ abdomen, as bloody and raw as if the Arishok’s sword had just slid out of it.

“What is it?” Fenris asked, and when he saw the answer to his question, he lunged for the bed in a heartbeat. “What are you doing to him?”

“I’m trying to heal him,” Anders snapped back.

Fenris’ lip curled. “Not trying hard enough, evidently.”

“Maybe if you weren’t breathing down my neck—”

“Could you two please fight later?” Cyrus’ plea silenced them both, eliciting a small smile. Pleased but fleeting, a pained grimace twisted his features a moment later. Cyrus tried to hide it, but he couldn’t smooth out all of the lines where his brows knit together, nor could he keep his voice from wobbling as he whispered, “Anders… What’s happening to me?”

Anders wouldn’t look him in the eye, keeping his gaze affixed to his torso. “I… I don’t know."

#cyrus hawke #cyrusXvarric #cyrusXanders

[thedragonagelesbian]

Anders opened his mouth to protest, but he realized that Cyrus was looking at a series of small portraits strung along the mantle. They were clumsier than the profile of Leandra in the hall, brushstrokes smudged and stray and faded with age, but loving attention had been paid to the details of each face of the Hawke family— the dimples around Leandra’s smile, the matching whorls of deep brown in Bethany and Carver’s eyes, the splash of freckles across the long nose of a man Anders could have mistaken for Cyrus were it not for the shorter hair.

Cyrus’ eyes were wild cinders in the firelight staring at something halfway between a mirror and a memory. “My father,” his voice smoldered, quiet but intense, “would have given anything to keep Bethany from seeing the inside of the Gallows. I cannot give any less.”

Anders crept close, and when Cyrus didn’t pull back, he touched a hand to his shoulder. His thumb dipped beneath the collar of his robe to graze the scar that Ser Alrik had left there. “No one is asking you to give anything.”

“I’m asking it of myself.”

“To what end?!” Despite himself, Anders’ voice pitched into something like a plea. A cry. But he was running out of things to say to stop Cyrus from clenching his jaw like that, clamped tight against the possibility of caring about himself. “You nearly got yourself killed trying to save Bethany the last time. Is that really what you want? To sacrifice yourself for something no one asked for?”

Shoulders hunched, arms folded across his chest, Cyrus yanked away from him. “It would be worth it.”

Anders glanced at Cyrus’ own portrait. He must have been a decade younger at least, still boyish and auburn all the way down his single long braid… and he still had a scar splitting the left side of his face. The bright line of red cutting across his eye suggested that the wound hadn’t yet faded to white when Cyrus sat for the painting.

How long had Cyrus been measuring his life in the scraps of it that could be given away?

“Don’t say that…”

“It’s the truth.”

#were not gonna finish the first round of edits tonight......... but we're close!! #featuring peak problems cyrus #cyrus hawke #cyrusXanders

[thedragonagelesbian]

anyway rip to this line specifically that got cut in the revision process

#cyrus hawke #cyrusXanders #i do love cheeky cyrus. goofy cyrus. silly cyrus. we need more of him

[thedragonagelesbian]

i was rereading some of my cyrusXvarric drafts last night, and it finally clicked for me that so much of why that relationship happens when it does and how it does is contingent on cyrus and anders' breakup and this moment of not only heartbreak but a real dread that cyrus might get himself hurt in a way that he can't come back from, and even if he thinks that's fine, the people he loves and wants to be loved by disagree, and he's just... desperately casting around for another way to be in the world and he finds that in varric and the assurance that he gets to define himself for himself and that he can leave kirkwall if he wants to and he won't be alone no matter what choice he makes........................

AND IT'S TOO LATE IT'S TOO LATE IT'S TOO LATE IT'S TOO---

#YOU'RE YOU #cyrusXvarric #cyrusXanders #i have a comment somewhere thats like... cyrus doesnt know how to ask for what he needs so anders presumes he knows whats best #wheres varric tells him pointblank: ask now. ask yourself who you want to be and i'll be with you every step of the way #and cyrus is ready to open up that possibility even if he doesnt have the answers yet #idk. they should all kiss about it.

[thedragonagelesbian]

Cyrus Hawke Playlist ~ Top 5 + 3 Ship Songs

I started drafting this post in fucking July, but now I'm awake at 7am with a sore throat and need the serotonin boost SO here we go!!

Also I made most of this playlist with DA2!Cyrus in mind, but many of its core themes hold across the (/counts on my fingers real quick/) five(?) distinct iterations of this character (why am i like this...).

1. It Keeps Us Dancing - The Family Crest

You know those blorbo songs that come with incredibly detailed line-by-line, shot-by-shot AMVs? I could describe in overwrought detail the images and moments that play in my mind when I listen to this, but I'll spare y'all that.

Big picture is that this is a song about not merely surviving but thriving through the bonds you form with others. I first encountered it in a Mighty Nein AMV, and unsurprisingly it maps beautifully onto another group of tragedy-stricken misfits. As much as it's a Cyrus song, then, it's also a Kirkwall Crew song. It's about the levity and respite he finds with them-- the strength to keep on moving, to keep dancing, despite everything the world subjects him to.

2. One Foot in Front of the Other - Emilie Autumn

A lot of Cyrus' song hit on survival, actually. The ability to endure--and the profound price of that resilience--are fundamental parts of his character and story. If for nothing else, this song gets a mention for the line if ive no one to fight, how do i know who i am? Who is Cyrus if not the Champion, if not his oath, his shield, his sword, if not the knight in shining armor come to save everyone but himself? What is he good for if not bleeding so someone else doesn't have to?

Also the last verse is a huge end of Act 3 mood: we've won the final round, but how to enjoy the win / when we've been broken down and we'll never know what could have been / heaven help us where do we begin? Allying with the mages at the end of DA2, as we all know, produces an immensely fucking hollow victory: you can't save anyone or anything, you only just barely save yourself and your family, and it's only at the mercy of Cullen fucking Rutherford.

And the line we'll never know what could have been hits particularly hard for Cyrus killing Anders-- or maybe it just hits hard for me because I do know what could've been between them. What is between them in a timeline where Cyrus doesn't make that choice, even if Anders still asks for it.

But in the canon timeline, where Cyrus is dragging all the dead weight of Kirkwall and Anders around his neck, how does he continue on after losing everything? By putting one foot in front of the other.

3. Simmer - Hayley Williams

What are you gonna do with that big bat? Gonna hit me? Better make it count. Better make it hurt. Better kill me in one shot

4. Into the West - Return of the King Soundtrack

Cyrus' victories are few and far between and fiercely fought and dearly paid for. Such is the nature of the tragedy he finds himself written into-- such is his propensity for self-sacrifice and inclinations toward martyrdom.

But somehow, miraculously, he makes it out of Kirkwall alive. And whatever that may have cost him, he's earned his sense of respite and safety. Peace, in whatever small measure he and his loved ones can manage.

5. Francesca

I cannot emphasize enough: this is it. This is the whole character. The intense, cosmologically defiant love, the endurance, the insistence that I would do it again. I'd go through it again. All the loss and suffering, all the ways his body has been harmed and changed, to love and to be loved in return matters more.

Even the verses are so delightfully appropriate for him-- my life was a storm since i was born / how could i fear any hurricane? My boy is sooooooo storm coded, all that strength and willingness to stand in the face of anything...

And then the second verse, losing parts of himself and his body to the trials life subjects him to, be it his asymptotic approach to Tranquility and Kirkwall's jaw clenched around his lifeblood or having his grief preyed on and stolen to forge him into a weapon of pure misery.............................. but if i could hold you for a minute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And, of course, some songs for some loves that heaven is not fit to house:

1. CyrusXVarric: Anything For You - Ludo

This is just such a universal VarricXHawke song. I mean, it's about a grandstanding storyteller whose highest, most singular devotion is to the person he loves! Come on!!

Then again, even my happier song picks aren't without their touch of angst-- the best story that Varric could ever tell (the one where am i growing old with you) isn't one he gets to experience. Not, at least, in the main timeline where Cyrus becomes Inquisitor and Varric sacrifices himself to save him in the final fight against Corypheus.

2. CyrusXAnders: Unknown/Nth - Hozier

I told myself I could only put one other Hozier song in this post, and while I was sorely tempted by some for Cyrus & Karlach, the honor really had to go to Unknown/Nth and the most disastrous ship of the fleet.

What is there to say other than that the bridge of this song permanently rewired my brain? 'the injury of finally knowing you' was the title of their WIP for a while-- the agony of learning and experiencing each other as intimately as they do only for everything to come crashing down around the very next day, as their own intractable issues and flaws begin to grind together again? Ugh......

And of course there's the weight of the goodness Anders still carries for Cyrus into Act 3. All the deceit, all the manipulation, all the hurt... it's because of that goodness, right? It's to protect him. It's all for love.

At least, that's what Anders tells himself.

3. CyrusXKarlach: Inkpot Gods - The Amazing Devil

and i can hear her sing / and i know she's giving up / and i don't know what to do, how to help her / how to bring her home

and i can hear him break / and he doesn't understand / and i wish that i could take his hand / but where i'm going is for me and me alone

#cyrus hawke #cyrus bg3 #cyrusXvarric #cyrusXanders #cyrusXkarlach

[thedragonagelesbian]

Ship ask 4 Cyrus and Anders: what was the exact moment that they each realized "Oh fuck I might be very gay for this man"? Was it instantaneous, or were either of them in denial about their feelings?

Roscoe i adore you

You haven't played da2 so i cant emphasize enough how canonically textually anders is completely 10000% obsessed with a hawke who even flirts back once. From jump from the fucking get go anders' impossibly low standards and profound craving for an intimacy he feels unworthy of come together so that he says shit like "i would drown us in blood to keep you safe" IN-GAME. BEFORE either of them have confessed to their feelings or acted upon them.

And cyrus' innate protectiveness just makes anders fall harder and faster. The first time cyrus uses his whole body to shield anders against a templar? All of cyrus' worry and care and concern and willingness to risk himself to keep anders safe? Anders has been pining for him since basically the moment they met and would've thrown him against a wall a lot sooner if (a) he wasn't a scrawny mage and (b) he wasn't so scared that his proximity would hurt cyrus.

Meanwhile cyrus is a bi slut (affectionate) who makes a similar early calculation but with regards to anders as a potential sexual partner, rather than a romantic one. They dance around each other for three years, during which they become super close friends-- but that extra spice is always simmering underneath.

They can only resist each other for so long. Queue three of the worst weeks of Cyrus' life, including an explosive falling out with his best friend, Dead Dad/Shitty Mom Feelings, losing his baby sister again to Fantasy Wizard Jail, and having to fight three other friends as they are influenced by demons/spirits (including Anders). In the case of the other two friends, both of whom are former partners, he has to go so far as to fake magic kill them (because Magic/the night terrors quest). Oh, and also while he was fighting Anders, Anders grievously wounded him with a lightning bolt, an injury that Cyrus has been trying desperately to ignore because the entire Point of him is to Protect Others, and he can't do that if he's in pain, so he must simply Not Be In Pain.

Oh and ALSO like an hour before they get together Anders nearly loses his mind and kills an innocent girl :)

That's like. a healthy and good time to bone down, right?

In the midst of everything Cyrus goes through in that short stretch of time (almost always with Anders at his side, for better and for worse), he latches on fiercely to Anders as the One who is still there. The friend who isn't mad at him like Merrill and Aveline, the friend he doesn't have to kill like he had to kill Isabela and Fenris in the Fade because maybe, somehow, if he gives enough of himself, he'll be able to save Anders in the end.

So, like, the moment comes at different times for both of them, but when it DOES come, they both sprint from '0' to '100' on the 'would burn everything to the ground to protect him' scale as fast as they fucking can.

Which i say not to minimize those feelings, especially in alternative timelines where they're both allowed to grow past obsession, but. For as utterly hornily infatuated and engrossed and consumed as they are by each other, they really. Really. Really. Should not stay together at the "oh fuck i am undeniably very gay for this man" moment.

#cyrus hawke #cyrusXanders #love the version of them that gets to be healthy and happy and grow. they are not that version of themselves yet. they need varric.

[thedragonagelesbian]

WAIT WHEN DID THE CYRUSxANDERS FIC GET TO 15,000 WORDS.............................

#it was 10000 last time i checked and that was still way more than i was expecting... #anyway if you want to read about two martyrs being deeply unwell about each other for 15000 words and then breaking up........... #well ill have a fic for you in like a month bc this thing is going to take a while to edit #cyrus hawke #cyrusXanders

[thedragonagelesbian]

Maybe it's just because I was listening to this song while scrolling through my dash seeing Cyrus thoughts but. Cyrus vibes? (song is Where Do We Go From Here by Misterwives)

<33333

brb let me just add this to his playlist real quick...

YES cyrus vibes...... for me it's giving post breakup cyrusXanders vibes specifically, and more generally cyrus' inability to understand why the people he loves don't want him to martyr himself for them. he WANTS so badly to give all of himself (not just to people but, more in dragon age 2, to a place and to a cause) w/out recognizing that he still needs something of himself for himself... idk.

#cyrus hawke #cyrusXanders #i have a draft somewhere of the top 5 songs from my cyrus playlist i need to share that at some point...

[thedragonagelesbian]

remember this. wild.

#cyrus hawke #cyrusXanders #i feel myself coming back to them... slowly but surely......

[thedragonagelesbian]

cas ‘thedragonagelesbian’ terisk found running to the nearest river to drift away in after @antivan-surana​ articulated this fundamental truth about cyrus’ character and they had to go cry about it forever............................

#cyrus hawke #cyrus bg3 #i cannot articulate how much this message has rewired my brain forever ilyilyilyily #cyrusXkarlach #cyrusXhalsin #cyrusXvarric #cyrusXanders #and also its all of his friendships and family relationships its ALL OF THEM ITS HIS ENTIRE PHILOSOPHY ITS HOW HE GOES THRU THE WORLD

[thedragonagelesbian]

#cyrus hawke #this is very cringe of me im sorry #but they can have a little fantasy catholic guilt toxic homoeroticism one-sided pining mutual martyrdom......................... as a treat #cyrusXanders