#developing a crush on one of them i guess isn't necessarily unavoidable but something that smacked me the face and caught me off guard

[bitchkay]

"Did you just she/her me?😕" Me asking if someone still perceives me as a woman because I'm offended they misgendered me.

easy to get over

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"... you think I'm lying when I say your attractive..?😕" Me being offended that someone dosen't still perceive me as a woman because I have a crush on them and they imply that their straight and I have mixed feelings because yes you did gender me correctly and I love you for it but that means you're not attracted to me because I'm not straight or a woman.

i'm in shambles

#i am a negro that actively persues other negros romantically #not that i dont wouldn't or have dated a white person before nor that i dont see myself possibly falling for one again #i just wanna date another black person and theres nothing wrong with that #but within my friend group being one of three black people in the group and the only one of the three that is neither straight nor cis #in a group full of queers mind #developing a crush on one of them i guess isn't necessarily unavoidable but something that smacked me the face and caught me off guard #and this feels so gross too #like the feeling of liking someone and like butterflies and all thst i hate it so much #i wanna throw up #his stupid face makes me literally gag #and im not offended but I'm not delighted either #and my brain keeps making up these grossly sweet scenarios in my head like i dont have the most disgusted look on my face #who said i wanna be thinking of this #i did not consent to having a crush my brain just created it and wont let go for some reason #you see me being delusional just know that aint me that my brain doing some weird shit #kay just saying shit