#done. hopefully. then its back to 11hr days until Monday

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#last night i dreamed that i was trapped in my same patterns as i am while awake but the building i work in was bigger #and i was so dizzy and disoriented that i kept stumbling from room to room. up and down stairs. running into people who would stare at me #in confusion until one grabbed me in the way u do when someone is being concerning and incoherent and he made me sit in an auditorium #with a doctor who already knew my name. but then i was back in my messy apartment staring down at a lizard id let die because id forgotten #to feed it. part of my brain was in contact with my mum and she said i should come home so i did. i appeared there but i seemed somewhat #transparent. liked id been there a long time so no one noticed my being there was out of place. they were there but doing other things #i wandered into a room where some ppl i knew from hs were performing surgery. i went to wash my hands and the soap came out as blood #my sister tolerated my presence. which is out of character. she seemed to sense something was wrong. then i walked back into my current #apartment halfway across the country. caught a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror and became transcendently angry #uneasy dreams. but at least i didnt have to get up at 6. i mean i still only got like 7hrs sleep at most but better than 6 i guess #its probably bc i spent so much time hysterically crying and staring off into space yesterday. by the end of the day i felt so awful i #wondered if i might b getting sick. dizzy in that way thats not quite dizzy #but today should b pretty laid back. still doing things but probably ill hace time to get some non work bullshit #done. hopefully. then its back to 11hr days until Monday #then the experiment is over and i havr to deal with the consequences. and finish my other destructive project #which has at least 11 days left #well see what happens 🫠 #unrelated