#dont like that. religion is interesting. i will not learn more bc u have annoyed me. bc that's how my brain works and here we r | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bloopbyoop · 3 years

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weep woop

ayo. ive read my scheduled email and its time for freewriting shit again. lmao. I want this post to be like a small light from a lit match stick inside a very hollow, icy, and numbing cave. (sounds cartoonish right? I know. Im obsessed with Adventure Time.) I want all people to be genuinely happy. Spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Upon reaching my 24th anniversary in this world, I finally learned how to truly embrace all my emotions. Some are more overwhelming than the other, but we have to heed in our treacherous yet perplexing minds that everything is fleeting and we are in control. The feeling of extreme sadness fades, but so does joyful states. Everything can change in a matter of minutes or years. You are in control of all your emotions. You are in control of all your life choices. Your actions. Your words. Your perspective. It feels weird to actually write about it. I've wanted to talk about it. I never wanted help from anyone as I firmly believed that I was alone. Sure, I have a family and friends, but it is hard to see that when your head is clouded with negativity. I've even come to the point where I was too overwhelmed, I found being physically hurt less painful. The pain I felt distracted me from what I was thinking. My mind tended to go bonkers. lmao. But bro, I was so good at concealing my bonkers mind. It's easy to fake any emotion that you have. Slap anything sunshine-y or happy to anything and people would believe you. It went on for years. Long story short, thousands of bracelets collected, it became worse. The physical pain could no longer withhold the emotional pain. Couldn't sleep. Couldn't stop thinking. And voila! I found a good amount of self help books (from tumblr) and novels. Novels that brought me to different places. Self-help books that made me understand what I feel and what to do. I've read that taking the easy way out will leave everyone sad. AND IN THE FIRST PLACEEEEEE, I NEVER WANT THATTTTTTT. I want everyone to be happy. I would act foolish and do dumb shit to make everyone happy in a heartbeat. So, that idea made me push a few more years. Later on, the crippling shit came crawling back again to my head, sooooooo I needed new shit to keep me distracted again. Films, series, music, and short clips from YouTube helped me out a lot. Every single time that my mind is going to think like anything that can think of, even to the point that I was just going to think that I might be hungry, I'd watch something. There's just something about silence for me. Because of this new habit of mine, I've learned more about myself. I love different types of things. I like horror. I like thriller. I like comedy. I like romance. I love all types of films, but there is something about the horror genre that interests me. I still can't point out what, but I love watching horror films. With regards to music, I've learned that I love Indie, Punk Rock, Rap, and Pop. We all can't like a specific genre. It's stupid to ask "what genre of music do you like?". It's not actually stupid-stupid, it's just stupid. Ya know? Anyway, passing this phase, I needed to find something again because it's not doing the shit that it was supposed to, I tried investing more time on video games. By investing more, I mean a whole shit lot. I love video games since I was young cuz.... u know.... they keep u... try to guess it! oh yeah. you got that right! distracted! I love the aggressive plays and trashtalks that my friends and I make. The short stories we tell one another. The rants. The lame jokes. The late night we sound drunk but we are not drunk jokes. The roleplays. The lame jokes. The memes. And once again, The lame jokes. Something about lame jokes and the laughs and curses after that always gets me every single time. Oh shoot. Yup Yup. Few years later, I finally noticed the pattern that my sadness is temporary. I got over it one way or the other (or another. depends on how you wanna read it. i dont wanna say another cause i might write about one direction like what im doing now so-). Happiness is temporary as well. But, we are the ones who are actually in control of our emotions. If you wanna feel sad, be sad for a while. You're getting too sad? Try hanging out with your funny friends. Can't do that? Find an alternative. Watch a movie, knit a sweater. Anything your mind could think of as long as it will keep you mentally distracted from being physically and mentally hurt. I do have a few notes though. We cannot and should never assume what people are going through. It may be petty for you, but it may be very crucial to them. So never everrrr say things like: -Some people have it worse than you -At least you have ..... These sheetsss are annoying as heckkk and could really down someone. I know it is not your intention to annoy but people react differently. alsooooooo, it is not okay or normal to hate on things for bandwagon. that is just plainly crazy and stupid. let people enjoy things. anddddddd never suppress your emotions. admit what you feel inside and try to think of a way to resolve ittttt. keeping it to yourself will just make it worseeeeee. find your own outlettttttttt. hihihi ️ alsooooo. being more spiritually full with God's words and ideas really help me to be spiritually happy. ps. im christian but i dont discredit other religion and even applaud other religion's ideas and beliefs. this is a really long, selfish post so i might as well recommend some things I like : Songs with their lyrics that made me go through life. “I’ve got soul but I’m not a soldier” -All These Things That I've Done, The Killers “It's not too late, I'm still right here” -Breaking Your Own Heart, Kelly Clarkson "And the salt in my wounds / Isn't burning any more than it used to / It's not that I don't feel the pain / It's just I'm not afraid of hurting anymore / And the blood in these veins / Isn't pumping any less than it ever has / And that's the hope I have / The only thing I know that's keeping me alive" -Last Hope, Paramore “There is not a single word in the whole world / That could describe the hurt / The dullest knife just sawing back and forth / And ripping through the softest skin there ever was / How were you to know?” -Hate to See Your Heartbreak, Paramore "It's holding on, though the road's long / And seeing light in the darkest things And when you stare at your reflection / Finally knowing who it is / I know that you'll thank God you did" -1800, Logic "Did some things you can't speak of / But at night you live it all again / You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now / If only you had seen what you know now then" -Innocent, Taylor Swift (My bb) "10 months sober, I must admit / Just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it / 10 months older, I won't give in / Now that I'm clean I'm never gonna risk it // Rain came pouring down when I was drowning / That's when I could finally breathe / And by morning gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean" -Clean, Taylor Swift “I guess I always knew / That I had all the strength to make it through.” -Believe in Me, Demi Lovato "I'm addicted to the madness / I'm a daughter of the sadness / I've been here too many times before / Been abandoned and I'm scared now / I can't handle another fallout / I am fragile, just washed upon the shore / They forget me, don't see me / When they love me, they leave me" -I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me, Demi Lovato “I'm overwhelmed / I need a voice to echo / I need a light to take me home / I need a star to follow / I don't know” -Nightingale, Demi Lovato "I'm a walking travesty / But I'm smiling at everything. // Arrogant boy, Love yourself so no one has to." -Therapy, All Time Low "I tried it once before but I didn't get too far / I felt a lot of pain but it didn't stop my heart. / But maybe I'm alive 'cause I didn't really wanna die / But nothing very special ever happens in my life / Take the blade away from me I am a freak, I am afraid that / All the blood escaping me won't end the pain / And I'll be haunting all the lives that cared for me / I died to be the white ghost / Of the man that I was meant to be" -Ghost, Badflower "Are the pieces of you / In the pieces of me? / I'm just so scared / You're who I'll be / When I erupt / Just like you do / They look at me / Like I look at you" -DNA, Lia Marie Johnson Movies and series to try : -The Perks of Being a Wallflower (The book is bomb af. if yall havent tried, ur missing out) -The Kings of Summer -Never Let Me Go -The Art of Getting By -Silver Linings Playbook -Winter’s Bone -The Lovely Bones (The script. The words) -Me and Earl and the Dying Girl -American Horror Story -Black Swan

pps. remember that every one has their own pace and point of view. don’t push yourself too hard, and don’t overthink. give yourself time, and respect all your emotions. analyze them but not more than like 5 minutes as anything beyond that might cause you to overthink and be sadder. and sad is not rad. hehe. you got this. you got you. self love is the best even though it can be tricky to do. nobody else is like you. you’re the only one of you (i just remembered me.......... i might have hummed it while typing it mid sentence). consider other people’s opinion but do not let it cloud your own judgement as you know yourself best. dont let other comment’s define you. spread love. vibe people you vibe with. ayeeee lets go!!!

ppps this is my last post bc im happier now and know myself better. i no longer limit myself on the age that I want. I want to live as long as how God wants me to be. hehe.

x :D

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localspirit · 3 years

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Ah I’m interested in all! I assume beginning to look into spirituality will help me in the future when it comes to spirits and such! I have communicated with a ghost/ghosts before so I think I’m naturally a little more ‘open’ to spirits than the average person but I don’t really know how this works.

under the cut bc its so long!

wow thats AWESOME!!! ive been interested in spirits, spirituality, some aspects of religion like djinn for as long as i can remember but wasnt able to communicate with spirits until recently.

pendulums do you own a pendulum? it doesnt have to be anything fancy, mine ended up being a fake crystal i got from a friend that was on a necklace. out of boredom and slight curiosity i asked a yes/no question and it just started swinging with the right answer... it was really freaky!! some people believe pendulums are a scam, some think that its your arm unconsciously moving with the right answer, some think that its you tapping into your third eye clairvoyance, and some think its an angel communicating thru it. mine ended up being an angel! it took a very long time bc i had to go thru the alphabet but my pendulum uses he/him prns and his name is azhu. he says hes not a guardian angel or an angel sent by a higher power. pendulums have their own way on saying yes/no, so if you ever do get one, make sure you know what its swinging means! azhu goes left/right for no, up/down for yes, and in circles or unsure. he's predicted things like my (unpredictable, unstable) health and what college i'll end up going to, and when. pendulums can also 100% be used to communicate with spirits and djinn- that's my main form of communication!

spirits with spirits i kinda jumped into it rlly fast. remember that phase in 2016 where people on yt were like 'i bought a HAUNTED DOLL from EBAY... SCARY 3AM OUIJA'?? i suddenly remembered that. and was like... lemme have a look here. i really did just go on ebay and look at haunted dolls and thats where i met my 'first' spirit vessel i was connected to. you dont really question it, if you find yourself completely drawn into a spirit doll/toy/jewelry piece (aka vessel), theyre calling out to you. it was mean to be! spirits can be 'evil or good', but i prefer the terms 'positive and negative'. a spirit can be positive but very sad and troubled and have a bad temper. spirits can be 'evil' and seem like the sweetest things ever. to be sure, i ask my pendulum which one they are. it turns out i owned three spirit vessels and i didnt even know until my pendulum told me!! i was very attached and affectionate to them (theyre old thrifted/collectable toys) to the point where i found it a bit strange. the spirits explain it. and btw, just because a spirit has a vessel, doesnt mean theyre inside of it or anything... idk think of it as an anchor or something. they can wander around, but they can always find their way back to their vessel. a spirit can have a vessel for 100 years, or pick a new vessel very frequently. asking for activity right away annoys the hell out of them. i find asking 'how did you die?' right away a bit rude too... its like going up to a stranger with a large scar on their face shouting 'what happened to your face?'. i always ask the spirit 'is it okay to ask about your death?' before going any further. some spirits show great activity, some dont show much at all. never force it out of them! they arent a show. they have feelings and stuff! if you wanna know more about spirits i recommend watching videos from ppl with ACTUAL INFORMATIVE vids on their spirit dolls, not just the 'scary 3am ouija’ vids. i also recommend going through ebay and just typing in 'spirit vessel' instead of 'haunted doll', and just taking the time to read their descriptions. all spirits have a story!

djinn im pretty new to djinn myself! some ppl on the stricter side of islam swear that all djinn are evil and work for the devil which isnt true at all... there are lots of types of djinn, most i dont know myself!!! most djinn seek a relationship with humans, platonic or romantic. there are khodam (friendliest afaik, 'grant wishes' to humans), marid (my djinn friend! works with water. possibly a mermaid? srs.), ifrit (mischievous, want to see humans suffer), shiatan (works for the devil i think), etc. this is where things get a little hard to believe so pls pls do your research. a lot of djinn conjurers and people who work with djinn claim that djinn can be vampires, elves, succubi, faeries, mermaids, 'aliens'/starseeds, etc... which i think is SUPER cool. hundreds of people who have worked with them swear by it. people say djinn helped with the egyptian pyramids. they have their own appearance they can tell you like height and eye color, and preferences to anything. most really do want to help out humans, i wouldnt say GRANT them, but definitely wave off any negativity coming your way and to shove you on the right path. they can be really protective. king djinn can have hundreds of thousands of djinn working for them. DEFINITELY do your own research, a lot of it before having a djinn attached to a vessel you own, or purchasing a vessel from a conjurer. i really do recommend just taking your time one day to scroll through etsy when you search 'djinn vessel' and just taking the time to read their descriptions, and LOOKING AT THE REVIEWS. i was skeptical and then i saw '85 reviews under item, 5/5 stars'. i read every single review, every description, everything i can. u can learn so much from peoples experiences. it really is amazing!!

just to be clear i didnt conjure my djinn myself ! i contacted a conjurer on etsy when i was ready and she literally had him attached to my ring in SECONDS. it was crazy. you can find her here!

misc a big part of spirituality is learning about your chakras, unblocking them, and eventually opening your third eye. there are lots of informative videos on chakras, and im still tryna open my third eye myself! i meditate every few days and have been close to astral travel (which some spirits can interact with you through! dreams too. theyre called 'dream walkers'.). i REALLY recommend binaural beats videos for meditation, not just rain noises or something. like this . there are thousands of videos for this kinda stuff... take the time and find one that works best for you! if you need ANY clarification or anything just lmk because i love talking about this stuff and im sure i left lots out okay!!! i also have a spirituality page you can find here!!

#ask

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princepriestandpirate · 6 years

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Yo do them all for Ilde! (If u want!)

FINALLY these are finished here’s a bunch of backstory about my favorite shitty girl

1. How does your character think of their father? What do they hate and love about him? What influence - literal or imagined - did the father have?

she kinda idolized the guy tbh. she saw him as an ideal to aspire to, someone who was a hero and lived an exciting life, and ultimately he was more of a symbol than an actual person that she remembered (he disappeared when she was 8). he represented freedom & excitement that she didn’t have in her life, and later on what it meant to be a “hero” (alongside mara). the idea of him influenced her path in life a lot, even if she probably would have fucked off to travel around anyway.

2. Their mother? How do they think of her? What do they hate? Love? What influence - literal or imagined - did the mother have?

it’s…. complicated. she loves her mom a lot, her mom is her favorite (living) family member, but their relationship is sort of muddied by ilde being the Family Disappointment™ (and fucking off at the age of 16 to be an adventurer) and the kind of weird relationship that her dad has to the family (bc she looks a lot like her father and is a lot like him). so. it’s weird. they’re very distant now.

3. Brothers, sisters? Who do they like? Why? What do they despise about their siblings?

She has an older half-sister, who is about 6 years older than her, named Ada. i’d characterize their relationship as… distant? more than anything else? they’re just far apart in age and in personality that they grew apart as they grew older, although when they were younger ilde was a pain in ada’s ass, very loud and always wanting to play.

at the end of the day though, ilde’s also a little jealous of her sister because she’s everything she couldn’t be– she’s smarter and more responsible and always seems like she’s figured everything out and has found her place in the work. ilde doesn’t regret her life decisions but she know that they made her the black sheep of the family, so sometimes she’s jealous that ada just seems to fit into that life so well.

4. What type of discipline was your character subjected to at home? Strict? Lenient?

i think her mom erred on the more lenient side, trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, or save that try to approach the situation by talking it out rather than going straight to punishment. she probably couldn’t keep it up all the time though, ilde was a troublemaker

5. Were they overprotected as a child? Sheltered?

not really? she had a normal family who took care of her but she wasn’t overprotected by any means

6. Did they feel rejection or affection as a child?

a weird mix of the two, and probably not on purpose. her family loved her and cared for her (ada will always say that ilde was mom’s favorite) but ilde, physically and personality-wise, is just a little to reminiscent of her father. this meant her mother treated her with a little more leniency, but her sister and her grandmother saw her father in a much less favorable light (that he abandoned the family or that he was too reckless and a bad example), and through either being compared to him or them obviously not looking highly on his chosen profession (which ilde idolized) she felt somewhat rejected. she just felt like she couldn’t fit their vision of what they wanted her to be, basically.

7. What was the economic status of their family?

they’re middle class, they own a small cobbling business.

8. How does your character feel about religion?

she didn’t like it when she was younger (her family worshipped waukeen but in a very ‘goes to church on sunday’ kind of thing, so ilde just saw religion as just a thing that she was supposed to do and therefore boring and annoying), but she’s grown to respect those who practice religion (hanging out with a paladin for like 3 years will do that to you) although she doesn’t want to have anything to do with it herself. she doesnt want anyone telling her want to do or believe.

9. What about political beliefs?

”fuck the government”

10. Is your character street-smart, book-smart, intelligent, intellectual, slow-witted?

street-smart, not very book-smart but that’s a good amount due to a) not liking school as an institution because it’s boring and she’s bad at it so why bother, and b) i think she has a learning disability of some sort, probably dyscalculia or dyslexia which made school difficult for her and thus she figured it wasn’t for her and kind of gave up on it

11. How do they see themselves: as smart, as intelligent, uneducated?

she sees herself as smart when it comes to life skills and street smarts, and sees herself as dumb when it comes to traditionally academic spheres

12. How does their education and intelligence – or lack thereof - reflect in their speech pattern, vocabulary, and pronunciations?

i don’t think she comes across as very educated– she’s very crass and generally doesn’t use a lot of complex vocabulary, and her speech in general tends to be very informal. she probably also has a bit of an accent that reflects where she’s from

13. Did they like school? Teachers? Schoolmates?

she hated all of it. too many rules and too much structure, and as a result she got in trouble a lot. she also didn’t have a lot of close friends and ended up getting into fights with other kids

14. Were they involved at school? Sports? Clubs? Debate? Were they unconnected?

i dont think her school had much of that? and if it did i don’t think she’d be interested in much of it.

15. Did they graduate? High-School? College? Do they have a PHD? A GED?

she’s the equivalent of a high school drop out

16. What does your character do for a living? How do they see their profession? What do they like about it? Dislike?

she’s an “adventurer” which really is just a fancy word for doing odd and dangerous jobs for not as much money as she should be making. it’s tough work and it’s never as stable or safe or as glory-filled as she’d imagined. she wouldn’t have it any other way though– nothing else affords her the same amount of freedom. also in other jobs you dont get to hit stuff w/ an axe as much? what’s even the point then

17. Did they travel? Where? Why? When?

yes, everywhere she can, because staying in one place too long is boring and she needs to keep looking for work. she’s still traveling now, really

18. What did they find abroad, and what did they remember?

a great mentor, new skills, a cool ass axe, and a sense of like... personal responsibility. she remembers what she learned from mara, both the practical skills and the lessons that she didn’t even know she was learning. she remembers bandits and monsters and getting cheated out of money and the feeling of pride in a finishing blow. she remembers seeing mara die and thinking “was it like this for dad, too?”

19. What were your character’s deepest disillusions? In life? What are they now?

the adventuring life isn’t everything she thought it’d be. it’s kind of thankless, and kind of lonely, and there’s not as much glory in it as one would expect. this doesn’t mean she wont brag about her life like it’s actually really cool tho

20. What were the most deeply impressive political or social, national or international, events that they experienced?

discovery of the other continent, but that’s about it

21. What are your character’s manners like? What is their type of hero? Whom do they hate?

she’s, uh, kind of an asshole tbh? or at least she can be very rude and crass and really doesn’t care about manners all that much. as for heroes, she thinks a true hero is someone who is willing to give up everything, including their life, for other people. sort of by extension, she hates cowards and people who hurt the innocent. the worst type of people are a mix of those two.

22. Who are their friends? Lovers? ‘Type’ or ‘ideal’ partner?

she doesn’t have many friends, and most of the friends that she does have are friends of circumstance rather than long-lasting relationships. her closest friendship was with mara, but that was also very much a mentorship and born partially out of the benefits of having a traveling partner (and ilde having a bit of a crush) right now though, she’d consider her squad and some of the pirates and prisoners to be sort of friends.

she doesn’t have any lovers lol, but her type tends to be “cute girls who could probably kick her ass”

23. What do they want from a partner? What do they think and feel of sex?

i think she wants someone who could match her & challenge her, push her to be better but also not make her settle down or give up her freedom. really, she wants a romantic AND traveling partner. as for sex, it’s something she enjoys but she’s kinda shy around girls unless she’s drunk so it’s not something she’s having a lot of lol

24. What social groups and activities does your character attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actually play, usually?

not many? if she’s in a social group she’s usual a part of one because they’re all on the same job (or, as w/ this campaign, all thrown into the same bad situation). in which case she likes to take charge and drive the group forward, even if she’s not the technical leader, although she often just ends up being the fighty one who’s maybe a leader in battle but not in the rest of the mission (or not in a meaningful way)

25. What are their hobbies and interests?

hitting things w/ an axe

26. What does your character’s home look like? Personal taste? Clothing? Hair? Appearance?

the closest thing she has to home is her family’s shop, which i think of as being very cozy and well-maintained. her room is probably kind of sparse but messy when she stays there.

as for personal taste, i don’t think she’s very aesthetics-oriented in general, and will go for usefulness over looking good, although she’ll make an exception for anything that looks badass or has the color red in it. she’s currently wearing her pirate’s uniform with the sleeves ripped off, along with her armor. she has long red hair that she usually keeps up in some sort of bun, or in a braid or braids in her downtime. she is short and stocky, with pale skin and freckles, large brown eyes and a strong jaw. i rolled for it an apparently she’s pretty hot too, although i don’t think she puts much work into her appearance beyond the basics.

27. How do they relate to their appearance? How do they wear their clothing? Style? Quality?

her relationship to clothing is very pragmatic, but she likes anything that will carry across the notion that she’s cool and badass and not to be messed with. she wears her clothing in whatever way is most comfortable, and goes for comfort and quality over anything else.

28. Who is your character’s mate? How do they relate to him or her? How did they make their choice?

she is very single rn (altho she thinks lionheart is cute)

29. What is your character’s weaknesses? Hubris? Pride? Controlling?

a very bad mix of pride and recklessness. she’s incredibly prideful and doesn’t want to ever ask for help and it’s gotten her in trouble before. mix that with a propensity to not think very much before she acts (although she’s gotten better about that as she’s gotten older) and it’s a recipe for disaster and also lying to her mom too much

30. Are they holding on to something in the past? Can he or she forgive?

kind of; she’s still holding onto her father and mara’s death, but not really in the sense of holding onto a grudge, more in the sense of holding onto those memories because she admires them, and especially with mara wants to follow in her example to honor her memory. so her holding onto the past grounds her with some ideals and morals, especially about sacrifice and what it means to be a hero

31. Does your character have children? How do they feel about their parental role? About the children? How do the children relate?

she has no kids and doesn’t want any

32. How does your character react to stress situations? Defensively? Aggressively? Evasively?

very aggressively, put her in a stressful situation and her first reaction is to fight back, either verbally or physically

33. Do they drink? Take drugs? What about their health?

she drinks, mostly to relax in between jobs

34. Does your character feel self-righteous? Revengeful? Contemptuous?

yeah a general feeling of anger is pretty common, right now mostly directed at someone i can’t talk about because spoilers, but she’s dealing with it. she chopped of a worm’s head so she cooled down a little, even if so and so is still a fucking coward

35. Do they always rationalize errors? How do they accept disasters and failures?

unless they’re particularly spectacular failures she just tries to move on from any mistakes she makes and not linger on them too long. her first instinct usually isn’t to blame herself tho

36. Do they like to suffer? Like to see other people suffering?

she doesn’t like to suffer, but she thinks that all of the struggles (physical or emotional) that she’s had to go through have made her stronger, so she’s okay with having gone through them. she doesn’t like seeing innocents or friends suffer but if it’s the person/thing she’s fighting it’s fine. she’s not going to draw out anyone’s suffering though.

37. How is your character’s imagination? Daydreaming a lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories?

she tends to live in the present and focus on dealing with current problems rather than be off in her own world, although that’s more of a result of her growing up than anything. when she was younger, she was constantly dreaming about being an adventurer.

38. Are they basically negative when facing new things? Suspicious? Hostile? Scared? Enthusiastic?

a weird mix of suspicious and enthusiastic? like, she’s constantly seeking out new experiences but at the same time she’s been doing this shit long enough to be aware of potential danger and ready to fight it.

39. What do they like to ridicule? What do they find stupid?

oh so much. SO much. she generally likes to ridicule people she doesn’t like, especially people who take themselves too seriously or who are very uptight

40. How is their sense of humor? Do they have one?

she definitely has a sense of humor but it’s kind of a mean one-- she tends to laugh at other people’s embarrassments and fuck ups

41. Is your character aware of who they are? Strengths? Weaknesses? Idiosyncrasies? Capable of self-irony?

she’s gained a bit of this as she’s grown older. she’s not terribly introspective but she’s gained a better sense of her own strengths and weaknesses and is at least able to reflect back on her younger self with something resembling self-criticism

42. What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain?

she wants freedom, hands down. it’s not a very tangible “want” but it’s the thing that drives most of her decisions-- it’s the reason she rebelled so much as a kid, the reason she left home, the reason she continues to travel and take odd jobs to make ends meet, the reason she want so badly to get off these islands. she’s will to cut ties and even hurt others if necessary.

43. Does your character have any secrets? If so, are they holding them back?

not to the people around her, but she’s been exaggerating how cool/exciting/good her life is to her family for a while because she’s a prideful shit who can’t admit when she’s wrong, and it keeps her from having a closer relationship w/ her family and a stronger support system. (i don’t think she went home right after mara died because of this and just dealt with it by herself because she couldnt bring herself to tell her family ‘oh this life kinda sucks sometimes,’ and she only ever goes home when she’s doing well for herself)

44. How badly do they want to obtain their life objectives? How do they pursue them?

she’s a girl of action-- she wanted to be an adventurer so she became one, even not being super prepared for what it would be like at all. she tends to jump in head-first into things

45. Is your character pragmatic? Think first? Responsible? All action? A visionary? Passionate? Quixotic?

she’s grown more pragmatic as she’s grown up, but she’s fundamentally very action-oriented and puts her heart into what she’s doing. she was very irresponsible as a kid but has grown more responsible w/ age.

46. Is your character tall? Short? What about size? Weight? Posture? How do they feel about their physical body?

she’s tall for a dwarf (like 4′11″) but short overall, her body type is pretty broad/stocky and muscular. she has pretty decent posture but it’s only because her grandmother was strict about it– she doesn’t care about her posture much but she tends to fall back into good posture. as for her body, she’s very proud of it! the way she sees it, her body is a weapon that she put a lot of work into honing and mastering, and her muscles and her scars are the result of that hard work, so why not be proud of them?

47. Do they want to project an image of a younger, older, more important person? Does they want to be visible or invisible?

she wants to project the image of someone a little older and very in-control and commanding. she wants to be very visible.

48. How are your character’s gestures? Vigorous? Weak? Controlled? Compulsive? Energetic? Sluggish?

depends on her mood. all of her movements tend to have a lot of weight to them, and her movements are either v energetic or v relaxed

49. What about voice? Pitch? Strength? Tempo and rhythm of speech? Pronunciation? Accent?

uhh kind of on the lower side (somewhat deliberate bc it gives off an air of her being confident and serious or some shit), and she tends to be kinda loud. she talks very casually so she doesn’t care if sometimes her words run together a little. she speaks like she wants to be heard and get her point across. she probably has a light accent that one would probably recognize as being from Drag’t, and vaguely dwarvish (bc that’s probably her actual first language and one she spoke at home a lot)

50. What are the prevailing facial expressions? Sour? Cheerful? Dominating?

a general expression of “don’t fuck with me”

#romanarcadia #ilde #here she is w/ all her vaguely tragic backstory bs too

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