#dreadwedge

[dreadwedge]

One thing most people don't realize about Gazebos is how bloodthirsty they used to be until the 1930s or so. It used to be that in order to appease your average small town gazebo you had to feed it 4-5 marching bands a year, or roughly 2 dozen barbershop groups. Noawadays? Throw it a steely dan cover act every 6 months, maybe a bridal party every few years if you're actively trying to court its favor, and you're pretty much in the clear. And the crazy thing is nobody knows why they calmed down, or that their appetite for flesh won't return to its 19th century heights one day. It's actually an increasingly popular theory among modern Gazebo researchers that we're at the tail end of a period of dormancy and it's only a matter of time until they start howling for blood again. And if/when that does happen there's the question of whether our modern zeeb-keepers are really ready for the task of booking enough sacrificial acts to meet that increased demand. Guild policy has gotten lax in the century since the heyday of Dark Pavillionism and a lot of local keepers refuse to even look at newer research that threatens to upset their status quo. Kind of scary to think about

#dreadwedge

[charaznablescanontoyota]

me seeing dreadwedge posts on the dash: they dont know that's my friend the horse

[dreadwedge]

#dreadwedge

[dreadwedge]

the problem with fairy portals is they were designed in the 1970s as a stopgap, under the assumption that they would be replaced after the first 10 years, when the Duchess of Loathesome Satin and Splendid Offal's cycle of death and rebirth was due to roll over. The thinking was, her shed carapace would be such an ample source of fine allegorical essence that waiting until then to enact a more durable, long-term infrastructure plan would be worth it, because the next-gen ley ways woulda barely needed servicing and could have run smoothly for the next 1,000 years and 1,000 days, when her vileness's Moribund Arousal would recur and provide a new batch of raw material. But then in '82 when Wee William Prickertoe tricked his mother the duchess into severing her connection to the flow of time and subsequently took the throne for himself, he slashed the TransVeil department's budget and funneled all of those resources into "elixir development" (don't get me started). So basically we're still using portals that are half a century old and weren't meant to last for more than a decade at most. It's really no wonder they're so unreliable these days, the hardware just gets repainted and retrofitted every couple years when some petty aphid-king or other seizes power and invents a new season or wants to give the Old Passages a new look

#dreadwedge

[dreadwedge]

Wow, I just learned what "edging" is, and it turns out it's when a person (probably a sexual deviant) puts off swallowing their liquid softgel pill capsule for as long as possible after putting it in their mouth so they can savor the sweet and mellow flavor of the gelatinous outer layer, while enjoying the thrill of knowing that if they wait too long, their tongue will eventually breach the thinning shell and meet the foul-tasting medication inside, no doubt prompting an episode of violent involuntary regurgitation.

#dreadwedge

[dreadwedge]

The men who are searching my house are very impressed by my collection of legos. I can tell that the officers who are searching my home are extremely impressed by my large and well-organized collection of legos. The policemen who are ransacking my house (with warrant) keep getting distracted by my many shelves filled with Lego bricks, figures, and other parts, organized by shape and color. The cops are in my home looking for evidence with which to convict me of a certain crime but cannot help but gawk with amazement upon encountering my display room, which contains numerous Lego models of my own design. The fuzz are very careful not to disturb my elaborate lego constructions as they meticulously scan my clean garage for clues. The boys in blue involuntarily sigh at the sight of the 1:72 scale model of the very house in which we are standing, a near perfect replica, constructed entirely of Lego products. “She even has brick separators. That’s the real deal”, the detective murmurs as he shows me the crime scene photos, not even watching my face to see if my reaction is telling. The law marvels at a detailed diorama depicting a grisly murder quite similar to the one that they are currently investigating, only in miniature. The bastards are here for me and they didn’t even care about legos before today, but now they excitedly whistle and cheer as they compete to recognize various scenes from Star Wars and other pop culture properties rendered in carefully engineered plastic bricks in my living room. The bobbies are enamored with my Lego Fridge. I killed an evil man six months ago and buried his body in the park by moonlight. The Man is delighted by my Legoland memorabilia. The constables ask me what Lego sets I would recommend for beginners, as they think it might be a nice way to spend time with their daughters, whose birthdays are coming up. The coppers eagerly scribble the full web address of my blog on their arms. The police officers in my home have so very many questions about Bionicle lore, and I have all of the answers they seek. These men love my legos, and they love me. And they are very impressed.

#dreadwedge #skullduggery

[dreadwedge]

Bro you better not be be about to create something from nothing. Bro don’t you dare wave your hand in a particular way and produce material from where there had previously been none. Are you seriously manifesting while I’m talking to you bro? Come on bro, that substance in your hand better have had also existed in the past. Tell me you did not just violate the law of conservation of matter again bro. I’m gonna close my eyes and count to ten and bro when I open them I really need you to be respecting the nature of causation ok bro?

#dreadwedge #is that an agglomeration of spontaneously generated particles in your pocket or are you just happy to see me

[dreadwedge]

hey ummmm i thought it was really romantic when we were playing quiplash last week and you answered every prompt with "fucking a clown in his lair". would you maybe want to go shoplifting at footlocker with me next week

#dreadwedge

[dreadwedge]

No more “types of guy”. Only a vast ocean of infinitely varied individual guys, each uniquely similar and dissimilar to every other, their bodies rising and falling in messy waves, as one, as many, united in their shared guyness, and in the knowledge that they, too, are someone.

#dreadwedge #dreadwedge legacy post

[dreadwedge]

you'd better not attack me or i might succumb to your flurry of blows and be pummeled into the earth. if you value my continued existence you surely won't mercilessly attack me in a lethal fashion. think carefully before you choose to attack me, lest i be injured by your violent onslaught and subsequently die. there is a precious and delicate thing called my life that i wish to share with you in these brief moments before it is carried away from me by the passage of time, but please in the interim you'd better not attack me.

#dreadwedge

[dreadwedge]

*slaps you in the face with a handful of loose polenta*

t"here's polenta more wehre that came from"

*plunges forearm back into polenta satchel*

#dreadwedge #dreadwedge legacy post

[dreadwedge]

Thousands hospitalized after trying the TikTok “trachea wrigglers” trend. Teens can’t get enough of viral “windpipe worm” dangerous social media phenomenon. Instagram flooded with videos of college students ingesting trap-jaw worms (E. aphroditois) to achieve “perfect Marge Simpson voice”. Beware! voice changing throat worm has nasty side effects. “Marge Simpson Worm” challenge sweeps nation, killing dozens. He sounds like Bart's mom in the hilarious clip - but watch out! Timothée Chalemet is the latest celebrity to swallow the sea-worm: “Its giving Marge”, the actor croaked in recent “Simpson Bobbit Chug Nite” livestream. Biden teaming up with Matt Groening to address “Trachea Wrigglers” epidemic in press conference this Thursday. Click here! 10 safe and euphoric voice training hacks to go Marge Mode without downing the live wriggler. Ocean ecosystem threatened by increasing demand for Simpson Worm as “Marge Fever” goes global. Meet the Stewie Griffin Louse: is this the next “Trachea Wriggler”? Economists say yes. NBA Season cut short after Kyrie Irving pranks teammates by “Margebombing” the locker room water cooler with dangerous worm larvae. Recommended because you purchased: Simpson Trap-Jaw Worm (Live) Family Size Multipack x12

#dreadwedge

[dreadwedge]

If fairy tales was today the wish-granting being would force you to choose wishes from a shitty drop-down menu.

#Select

All wishes are final, irreversible, and non-fungible.

#dreadwedge #Skytechnologies

[dreadwedge]

“Well looky here” - me when I looky at something that is here

#unwell averty your gazey there #dreadwedge

[dreadwedge]

it’s raining so if you are tiny watch out

#dreadwedge #dreadwedge legacy post

[dreadwedge]

Tiles are separated by only grout whereas bricks are separated only by mortar. How I envy them. One can never truly know the mind of another. Can I get a spicy Italian sub on rye. Thanks man

#dreadwedge