#each other's lives' and DD only made that feeling worse. it was like awkwardly running into a kid you went to school with | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

savemefromanepicoftimewasted · 6 years

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Open Bed 2

i almost forgot to put this up

I watched Brian leave a little after eight, he was going out to the bar with Johnny and Zack, and there was no doubt that he was going to go home with one of them either. My heart was slowly breaking, I didn't want Brian to leave, but when his phone went off, I knew he was going to leave no matter what. He didn't want a relationship, he just wanted a fuck buddy was all. Something that would never be serious, he couldn't get mad at me for developing feelings, I had been single for a while. I just wanted someone that was exclusively mine, not someone I had to share with four other people. God I sounded so ignorant and selfish. Who was I kidding? With the way all of us were, I'd never be able to actually find someone like that on the side. I plopped down onto my couch and turned on the tv, picking a channel out of random. I wouldn't be able to focus on it either way. I'd be too busy thinking about Brian.

I woke up at around two AM to the front door slamming, when the hell had I fallen asleep? I rubbed my eyes and sat up slowly, nothing worse than getting a headrush in the middle of the night. As I turned to see who was walking inside I saw Brian, with Zack on his arm. Oh fuck, you've got to me kidding me. There was no way this was happening to me, no way in hell. I stood up and turned on the lamp that was nearby. Brian was trying to drunkenly kiss Zack, who looked as if he was enjoying himself. That is, until I made my presence known. Zack nearly jumped out of his skin as he noticed me, Brian whined loudly at the loss of contact.

“Not in my house” I kept my voice low, Zack must've been the DD for tonight.

“Matt, we thought you were asleep” That caused me to frown and glare, they were just gonna fuck in my living room if I had been asleep?

“I said, Not. In. My. House” Zack had noticed the change, the anger that was rolling off of me in waves.

“Are you okay? I can take Brian to my house and have him sleep there if you want” I wanted nothing more than to bash his face in.

“Take him and get out” I turned towards the stairs that lead to my bedroom and held my breath.

Brian was talking too softly for me to hear, they were probably talking about me. Saying I was just sexually frustrated and needed to get off. That wasn't the case at all, and at this point I wanted nothing more than to take a hot shower and go to bed. I made it into my bedroom before the front door slammed, Zack was leading Brian out to his car. As much as it hurt to watch him take Brian away I sighed, at least I'd get a good nights sleep. I'd just turn on netflix and relax after my shower, could use the background noise to try and distract me. Anything was better than thinking about Brian and Zack having sex.

~~~

“So, what's the deal?” Johnny was sitting across me at the table during lunch. His eyes narrowed slightly as I sipped my water.

“I think I'm depressed” I couldn't come outright and tell him about my feelings for Brian, it'd just end awkwardly.

“What makes you say that?” Johnny took another bite of his sandwich, his eyes staying focused solely on me.

“Really? When's the last time I actually went out with everyone else?” Johnny nodded in agreement and sat back against his seat.

“Is there a reason you're feeling this way? Or did it come out of the blue?” Johnny wiped his hands on his napkin and glanced down at the table.

I opened my mouth to tell him it was because of Brian, I wanted to. Hell I needed to tell someone how I was feeling, but I couldn't deal with the aftermath. He'd find out and blow up in my face, and then they'd all start to ignore me. I'd be completely and utterly alone.

“Out of the blue, just sort of hit me when I was home alone” The lie felt easier to say than I had expected. I hated lying to my friends.

“I'd offer my help, but I know depression isn't something that just goes away” Johnny was such a good friend to me, I'd have to make it up to him.

“I'll figure it out soon enough, I'm sure it's something stupid” Yeah, like your feelings for a certain guitarist.

I grimaced and crossed my legs, I didn't even want to be in public anymore, I had to see my friends though. Even if it was for something they didn't want. I couldn't even think about sex at that moment, I was always a stickler on my performance. And if I performed horribly because I was too distracted then they'd know something was wrong. I couldn't have that, they'd run their mouth to everyone in the group. Getting made fun of because I couldn't get it up unless I was with Brian, or thinking about him at this point. Yeah, not a good look for me.

“You done?” Johnny was gesturing to our plates, our waitress was waiting to take the plates and give us our check.

“Oh, yeah I'm done” I handed the plate to her and finished my drink, she offered to bring out another drink as she took Johnny's plate. I shook my head lightly, I didn't need another one.

“Home? Or did you have somewhere else in mind?” Johnny was looking at me nervously, he was probably expecting me to fuck out my frustration.

“Home sounds fine” I pulled out my wallet to pay the tab but Johnny stopped me.

“My treat, we haven't had time to really hang out in forever” Johnny paid the waitress when she came back, slipping a generous tip underneath a napkin so no one would see it and take it.

I stood up and headed out to his car, I noticed Brian and Zack walking together across the street, I could only hope Johnny hadn't noticed them. That was the absolute last thing I wante-.

“Zack!” Fuck.

Brian turned first, his eyes locking onto Johnny and I, a slight glare and a raised eyebrow. I wanted to just smack the shit out of Johnny for getting their attention. Zack turned after Brian and waved over at us, smiling brightly as he dragged Brian over to where we stood. Brian refused to look at me, he looked anywhere but. Oh so he was going to act like I was an asshole because I wouldn't be his booty call anymore? Really? I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him, which quickly caught his attention. He turned his gaze onto mine and shrunk back into himself. If he wanted to act like an immature prick, I was going to treat him like one.

“Matt and I just grabbed a bite to eat is all, why?” That broke me out of my trance on Brian, Zack was probably just wondering why we were in downtown.

“Well it's been a good week and a half since he's left his house” I ground my teeth and locked my jaw, don't get pissed off Matt.

“Not everyone likes to go out and about every minute of the day Zack” Johnny scoffed and rolled his eyes. He was such a little shit.

“You know what I meant you asshole, so what's the real reason you've been such a pissy pants?” I had to stop myself from beating Zack's face in. Breathe, you can't get in trouble right now.

“Why does it matter to you anyway?” My voice was too harsh, even for myself.

“Seriously? You haven't answered my texts in days Matt” Zack threw his hands up, this wasn't going to end well.

“Oh? You mean your booty call in the middle of the night when I'm sleeping? Or when you want me to come over because Brian won't go to sleep because you couldn't fuck him right?” I regretted the words the moment they left my mouth. Zack's expression was hiding how angry and upset he really was.

“You're a piece of shit Sanders” Zack turned on his heel and walked down the sidewalk. Brian stayed stiff for a few seconds before running after Zack.

Johnny didn't utter a word as we headed to our separate cars, there was no way I could apologize to Zack. He would see right through me every time. I rubbed my face slowly and looked at the time, 2:46. Huh, I was expecting it to be later than that. Turning on the car, I put it into gear and pulled out of the parking lot. I could see Brian and Zack angrily yelling at each other on the sidewalk. If I had been closer I would've tried to eavesdrop while I waited for the light to change. But it would've been too obvious. Oh just casually listening to you two argue while in my car, nothing out of the ordinary.

I hit the gas the moment the light turned green, Zack and Brian had dispersed and went their separate ways. Brian would no doubt send a text yelling about how I didn't need to tell Zack anything about how he liked to be fucked. And Zack would send me a text about how he knows how to fuck perfectly fine. It was a routine between them. My phone was going off before I had even made it down the street. I didn't want to risk getting pulled over so I put it down in the middle console. As I pulled in my phone started ringing. Please be Johnny, or Jimmy. Anyone but Zack, or Brian please.

“Hello?” I said into the receiver, I held my breath waiting for the other person to talk.

“That was a dick move Matt, you have to know that” Johnny ground out, Zack's voice was in the background. So I wasn't safe just yet.

“I was just annoyed is all, I've been trying to catch up on sleep and it's been hard” That wasn't entirely false, I had actually been trying to catch up on sleep.

“You know Zack cares a lot for Brian right? They're best friends for fucks sake, undermining Zack's performance is fucked up” Yeah, Zack was probably in the same boat as I was.

“Like I said, I was annoyed” I got out of the car and went inside. I didn't even want to talk to Johnny anymore. Even he was trying to make me miserable.

“That's bullshit and you know it, what's the actual reason you were so pissy?” I ground my teeth together and groaned. I couldn't tell him the truth.

“I have feelings for Brian, and it's clear there's nothing there for me. So please, just leave me alone for a couple days” I hung up the phone and set it down onto the table

The truth was now out there, and no doubt Johnny was going to run to Brian and tell him everything I had just said. It shouldn't of bothered me as much as it did, he was clear about how he felt about all of us. We were just friends who had sex a lot, nothing more. And yet the thought put a sour taste in my mouth. I was the person demanding more from him while not being able to have it. And what if Zack had feelings for Brian as well? How was that going to go between us? He'd no doubt make it known to Brian that he wasn't into him that deeply. Try to make me look like the bad guy in the situation. I didn't even care anymore, I didn't have it in me to care. I hadn't gotten laid in what felt like months, which in reality was probably not that long at all. I had grown so accustomed to having sex daily that I would crave it constantly if I went without it for longer than three days.

I stared waiting for the phone to ring, even notify me that I had a text. But I got nothing, no one said a single word to me for over three hours. I decided at that point they had all met up and discussed on what to do with me. There was no doubt in my mind that they were all unsure of how to actually address the situation. I had feelings for one of our friends who didn't feel the same way for me. The same friend who would get on his knees if I ordered him too. Jesus who was I kidding, I was in love with the damn man. I was just too scared to really deal with it all. I headed down to my bedroom and shut the door once I was inside, stripping down to nothing before pulling on the same sweatpants I had slept in. A good night's sleep was all I needed. Of course.

#matt's a dick #and we love him anyway

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