#especially bein the oldest out of the girls -> feelin sum sense of responsibility n havin to 'grow up' faster akin to an oldest sibling role

[gurorori]

🥺

#one day i wanna post on ao3.... idk how brave i am to like post under my username but #id def anon a lot if i ever were to start postin #im really scared of hate aha #especially for the. things i wanna tap into #i wldn prolly write blatantly Disgustin things like the stuff ppl consider profic or wtv but my brain is unable to generate normal ideas #dats nawt to say im opposed to those things in fiction hehe. i welcome em with open arms But i still have my preferences n limits #a lot of things id ljke to explore in terms of Mika dat i don see ppl bring enuff attention... #PROJECTION BEAM but orphanage stuff. literally no one ever talks abt this i wish there were more works goin in depth on my past #even if im dead set on it bein in accordance with My Own memories as an introjectie #i jus wud love to see ppls visions #but also like okay Somethin happened okay? somethin bad happened. #obviously a lil guy can hate it & b rebellious n run away on several occasions Without smth groundbreakingly bad happenin but in my case #it did! #in hindsight i still believe those memories t shelterin our own trauma under thr guise of source but who knows when ill uncover dat #so yeha for now i live with transmika orphanage trauma HE DID NAWT hvae a good time. despite findin a lot of comfort in his At The Time sibs #especially bein the oldest out of the girls -> feelin sum sense of responsibility n havin to 'grow up' faster akin to an oldest sibling role #while still bein. a kiddo & extremely vulnerable esp in the face of the caregivers #anyway trauma trauma abuse abuse #sorry i can only ever see mika thru the lens of our/my experiences. i wldn wabt it any other way tho