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#even tho their friends complained abt someone else bringing her bf but they both blocked the veto for that. pretty sure ik them-
toastsnaffler
·
4 months
Text
my flatmate asking me the day before "do u want to hang out w me and [old friend] everyone else cancelled so I can invite u now" is not the heartfelt offer she thinks it is :^/
#what am i sloppy seconds. fuck off man
#i like them both but im not in the place to socialise rn + also it just feels kinda mean. theyve had these plans for weeks
#and i wasnt invited bc some of their other friends (who ive never met) didnt want me there which is fair enough ig
#even tho their friends complained abt someone else bringing her bf but they both blocked the veto for that. pretty sure ik them-
#better than some guy but whatever. i dont rly like their friends anyway bc they only ever have bad things to say abt them
#like damn they sound like they have the emotional range of toddlers plus theyre all into shit like genshin. so i wasnt fazed abt it
#hope they have a nice time etc but wow sure now theyve cancelled the day before u can invite me as a replacement. yeah thatll do wonders
#for the social and self esteem issues i have around being single use and disposable and always on the outside etc yippee
#the thing is if i go theyll just talk to each other anyway and leave me to be the fly on the wall like they always do. they dont want
#me there they just want an audience i literally have nothing else to contribute i dont think they even like me that much so!
#anyway complaint over. genuinely i hope they have a nice time im just annoyed at being treated like that + probably projecting a bit too
#its not like i could go if i wanted to anyway bc i have shit to sort out + mail to wait for. maybe next time invite me from the start huh
#we had another old friend visit last weekend but those plans were really made without me too and i was just added bc i Live Here so its
#kind of unavoidable. but oh well whatever it was nice to see them either way
#im too depressed rn to fix my social life or even rely on existing coping strategies in social situations so im having to temporarily
#cut it back bc i get too trigger sensitive + dont want to hurt myself or others bc of an arbitrary emotional overreaction
#its usually one of the first things to go when im Going Thru It not in a self isolating way but more bc its one of the hardest things
#for me to maintain + im pretty self sufficient so its not absolutely crucial. like of course i love my friends but socialising is a
#want not a need yknow. eating/sleeping/exercising/hygiene are all more fundamental parts of the engine so i gotta prioritise them
#and it sucks but ill survive. anyway sorry for venting on everyones dash so early in the morning i woke up grumpy 👎
#i need to get breakfast and then go out. ughhhhhhh okay.
#.vent
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