#even though I'd vastly prefer if their hookups were safer

[ursbearhug]

So meeting with my friends was nice. I'm not gonna lie, as much as I want to rewrite my cringe DNA and stop being social creature, opportunity to listen to someone or talk to someone (someone other than myself) else is very fucking nice. I need this kind outlet.

I do, however, have a few bones to pick - because of course I am.

So making a massive polycule is all fun and games until Matthew wants to join. Like, what did I ever do to them that would make them include some random hoe, but exclude me? I just don't get it.

And being affection and attention seeking whore that I am, I couldn't just ignore how jealous I am?

My old roommate and my life long friend live together. In search for roommates to reduce the cost of living, they look for random ass people. And back in February they found this guy and he and my ex-roommate just started sharing bed day one. Like, we will ignore my long dead crush, that's not relevant, but it upsets me. What am I doing that is excluding me from cutsy, frivolous and endearing shit, but is okay for a guy they met by freak accident. I can't get a hug without stares from him, but here you have a guy that will throw temper tantrum because he can't sleep with you?

I never got the meet his family either, in the two years we were living together, but she will get to call his mom per "aunty" and I'm just... What the fuck did I do?

Like, yeah I'm envious but at least I'm not acting out in petty ways I could have and! I'm being communicative. So this is some kind of King's decree of no touching at all, but targeted specifically at me. Okay. I'll just fuck of then. Screw me. "Hey can I join this fresh polycule" and there is just picture of me crossed out "begon thot".

On another note, because I thought it was funny af. I find it hilarious that when *I am* trying to date it's about lowering the bar, as if I had some insane expectations, but like... Why the fuck should I lower my standard to appease someone?? I get it that almost noone is aware of my dating experience, but what is up with that? Why am I supposed to scrape the bottom of the barrel? I don't know, I'm not going after your weird standards how is it that mine are constantly being questioned. Bitch, if you wanna date bloke, gym-dude, with chiselled face, strong jaw and abs and absolutely no hobbies or interests outside of dicking you down, then pop of king. Have fun and marry time, but like. No. Not my cup of tea. My current target of affection is giving me identity issues as it is, I will not go out of my way to hate myself even further. Self hatred never get me anywhere.

So my standars are too high, I can't sit with their polycule and I still can't get a text back. Wunderbar. I'd say that I want second semester to start so I can distract myself from this with copious amount of schoolwork, but I know it's not gonna happen. But there bout to be more subtle way to tell me to go fuck myself and I really want Fates to get off my ass.

#vent session #also I wanna clarify #I have nothing against Random Guy A #nor against my friends and their decisions #even though I'd vastly prefer if their hookups were safer #will probably delete in the morning