#fast forward august 31st 2022 j passed away they did it themselves

[ultraviolencced]

things are very very very bad ! :)

#like i’m literally in shock i don’t know how to live right now #get ready this is gonna be a whole ass book in the tags #*people that aren’t blood related but family bc my grandpa had someone working for him they became pals his wife and my grandma became pals #when they had kids my grandma would babysit and my mom would babysit and then i would be babysat by the girls my mom did she lived with us #for a while so yeah that’s the back story #she got pregnant while my mom was pregnant with my brother so mom had bro then a few months later i’ll call her m had her baby their name #was james and he became the newest member of the fam i visited them in the hospital when they were born and james and my bro became good pal #fast forward august 31st 2022 j passed away they did it themselves #friday was the service it was more of a celebration of life they already had the physical funeral and it was just immediate relatives #it was hard hearing their parents and their sister talk broke my heart #right after their sister spoke the music came back on and it was pilots it was the run and go and i broke down my sister had to go outside #it was really really fucking horrible to know that a queer kid i knew and loved died killed me #rewind to a few months ago my brother od’d on oxy he was in the hospital for 2 days it caused some physical damage to his heart enzymes #he got on antidepressants and a psychiatrist and seemed to be doing better #fast forward to saturday night he overdosed on street fentanyl he again went to the er and is now at a mental health center for a 72 hour #hold and after that we’re trying to find a rehab and mental health center #i grew up seeing what addiction does my uncle was a heroin addict from the time i was born until i was 16 or 17 so i saw some shit #and a lot of it fucked me up and i can’t see my brother go through that #my brother is the smartest mother fucker i know and fucking mental fucking illness fucking everything up like he earned 13 college credits #in 1 fucking day his japanese studies professor said my brother knew more than he did and fucking opiates fuck #and the sheriffs who searched his room found street fentanyl that they all had to have gloves bc it’s killing people in my town everyday #they said they literally get calls everyday because of this shit like i’m about to go find the piece of shit who sold it to him #and put my fucking 9 in his mouth and pull the trigger i’ll gladly go to prison for that tbfh #so that’s what happened with my brother and my non blood brother/cousin #now my fucking mom so she never goes to the doctor and me and my sister yell at her about it so she finally went to address her fucked up #neck and back well turns out she has degenerative disc disease same shit my grandma had basically her spine is crumbling #she also might have skin cancer and it could affect her throat and thyroid :) bc they saw something in her throat during her mri :) so fuck #and then there’s me and my crumbling jaw no joints without arthritis and brain tumor #and my sisters mental health is Not Good it hasn’t been for months and this is killing her and im so concerned for her #now all three siblings have been put on a 72 hour hold at some point :) sister at 12 or 13 me at 22(in there for my bday) now bro at 19