#fbdvrdicbd rdbcicdddkcjssvajKhfbsoBajhvajJvvbj£7374;£9

[curionightshade]

I have reached the point where 1am is an early night apparently. anyway if someone were to send me things (funny/not funny/serious/amusing) while I am asleep I would be mildly surprised and bemused when I awake !

#terrible night btw. rantjng in the tags because i guess fhat helps #ive had weird kinda upsetting conversations with two different friends now jn the last few weeks and thats been not great! #even when my reaction to a situation has been the cause of it. just a really unpleasant sticky feeling that doesnt go away #prolly doesnt help ive been jn a fog all week. sleeping at 5am waking at 1pm writing for hours and sometimes producing something good #uhhhh what else #medical shits been whack. not that i have a lot to complain about in comparison to other people but every week that goes by where I'm not #on estrogen makes me feel. i dunno. desolate. not a real person. my mom asked me if i wanted her to start using my new name instead of my #deadname (as in i don't use it online anymore) and it terrified me how uncomfortable it made me. no issues with my mom. just #kind of a clusterfuck where i still don't want to have to manage all of this messy shit. i just want to be on hrt and feel like a person #and get antidepressants again before i even think about how other people see me. like what use is being a person to other people when my #own self image fails me #haven't heard back from uni acceptance stuff yet and i have the feeling I'll be rejected. i dunno. worst case i guess i apply again next #year and use the spare time to make more movies #but wow yeah i always forget how silently this mental illness shit sneaks up. my lack of self image kinda means that i don't check up on #myself a lot. so I'll just have moments after weeks of dullness where I'll go 'oh huh i feel fuckin terrible' #sleeping earlier tonight at least! i hope i make meaningful connections that aren't stained by my jealousy and resentment. a hug would be #nice too #oh well. Jeff Rosenstock will suffice #FUCK. dvsvvixdbshcosbscocbskxdbdkcbschdkdbdicndjcdnfudneufneiddndifbdiddndjdksbshfksbavdosnwbrjeornebrkffldhebdlfjddbdkfjdbdkdfjdbekeiehdmd #fbdvrdicbd rdbcicdddkcjssvajKhfbsoBajhvajJvvbj£7374;£9 #hdbedshshxix #goodnight <3