#featuring my obsession with fantasy religion in general and the ppau lunari in specific

[aryasage]

set me on fire (so i can rise)

so fpx has been doing ridiculously well and deokdam beat ruler for the first time in his career and i sat down and vomited thirteen hundred words of brainrot onto the page. i had originally intended it for tumblr so i'm posting it here but it's theoretically long enough for me to post it as an actual fic so like. if anyone wants that let me know. no previous knowledge really needed and i'm too lazy to link stuff so just. here you go have fun

title is from fpx's phoenix because come on it was too perfect of a situation

(deokdam and viper are both aphelios, ruler is xayah, life is tahm kench, missing is thresh, flandre is graves, milkyway is kindred, none of the others really matter)

canon-typical violence under the cut but nothing graphic!

also don't yell at me about the moon formatting i already know i can't fix it ok

Deokdam has never beaten Ruler. He’s faced him more times than plenty of other AD carries, but each of their twelve matches has stayed in his head for longer than he’d like to admit. Maybe it’s that he’s the first world champion Deokdam ever faced. It’s hard to forget the feeling of barely even being able to stand in his presence, let alone put up a proper fight. But as the years went on, Deokdam’s losses to the other AD carry only got more and more depressing, and…well. He guesses it’s sort of a Thing by now. 

And so, even though he and his team have been doing far better than anyone expected, even beating TES and JackeyLove, Deokdam can’t help but feel apprehensive about their upcoming match. But…they’ve come this far by trusting each other. And so, as they start their warmups before the match, Deokdam taps Life on the shoulder. “You were his support for years,” he says quietly. “What’s his weakness?”

A sly smirk spreads across Life’s face, and he responds just as quietly. “He has a habit of overstepping. He’s overconfident. And it happens more often than you might think, especially now that he doesn’t have me anymore…”

Deokdam hesitantly returns his smile. “Thanks. I think I have an idea.”

☾

As Deokdam exchanges bows with Ruler, he keeps his eyes trained on the other AD carry, watching his every move. He steps forward first, just as Life predicted, and Deokdam can’t help but smile. Something feels different this time as he takes a step back, dodging Ruler’s first attack and beginning the dance back-and-forth, and Deokdam thinks he knows why. 

☾

“I think I’ve figured it out,” Viper says, his voice of moonlight so similar to Deokdam’s and yet nothing alike as he offers his hand to Deokdam, who takes it gratefully, allowing Viper to pull Deokdam to his feet.

“What, how to beat me? Because I’m pretty sure you figured that out a while ago,” Deokdam says, trying to pass it off as a joke, but his magical voice betrays his frustration. He’d accepted Viper’s request to spar over the offseason without a second thought, eager to practise both with his friend and someone with far more skill than him, but after the third day, Deokdam is just exhausted, and Viper absolutely destroying him every round isn’t exactly making him feel much better. 

“No, not that,” Viper says, sighing. “Let’s sit down. We should get water anyway.” Well, he’s right about one thing, at least. Even though it doesn’t do anything to put out the fire in his throat, Deokdam’s definitely dehydrated by now, and just the act of drinking it is refreshing. It also means he can avoid asking what Viper did mean for a bit, but eventually, his curiosity gets the better of him, and he asks Viper just that.

“Oh, right. Well, I think I figured out your problem. Fighting,” he quickly adds, evidently seeing Deokdam’s face and how he was about to say he has far more than one problem to worry about. “You think too much about yourself.”

The words hit him harder than any dose of noctum. Great. He already feels awful for drowning himself in self-pity practically all of last spring and half of summer, but it hurts even more coming from his friend. 

Viper frowns. “Wait, no, not—” He sighs. “I don’t mean that you’re selfish, Deokdam. Just that you get too much in your own head. You’re so focused on what you should do that you’re not paying enough attention to your opponent, so when I do something unexpected, you get caught completely off-guard.”

Oh. The tension eases from Deokdam’s shoulders somewhat. That…makes a lot more sense. 

“I used to have the opposite problem, actually,” Viper continues. “I was always so focused on what the enemy was doing that I forgot my teammates were there too. I didn’t trust them, and our coordination would always be slightly…off. I never really fixed it until…well. You’re a lot better at it than I am. You’ve always had much better synergy with your teams. So you don’t need to worry about that. What I do want you to worry about is your opponent.” He stands up with a smile. “One last round?”

Deokdam can’t help but return it, standing up and following him back to the sparring ring. “Sure.”

“Okay. I want you to keep your focus on me. Your instincts are good enough by now, but you trip yourself up. Don’t think about what you’re doing at all. Just trust yourself, and try to defeat me.”

☾

Just trust yourself. Your instincts are good enough. It’s not that Deokdam would ever say Viper was wrong in saying that, per se, but for the first time, Deokdam thinks he might have been right as he fires a shot at Ruler, clipping him in the shoulder and dodging away from the chains that Missing sends flying at him. 

Smoke begins to swirl around the battlefield, meaning Flandre must have taken out Xiaolaohu in his pocket realm, and if Showmaker hadn’t complained about it being completely unfair every other week in 2022, Deokdam would be realising just how annoying it is right about now. Thanks to Kellin, though, Deokdam has plenty of practice of fighting with irritating gases everywhere, and he can just barely make out the silhouette of Missing’s body right before he throws his hook at Deokdam, and he sidesteps it on instinct. Something grazes his side—one of Ruler’s razor-sharp feathers—but Deokdam hardly feels it thanks to the fire already burning in his veins. All it does is reveal Ruler’s position, and Deokdam fires another shot in his direction.

Ruler lets out a grunt of pain, but he must still think he has the advantage, what with the smoke everywhere, because he takes another step forward, obviously confident. Too confident, because now he’s close enough that Deokdam can see his figure through the smoke. He fires a shot at Ruler’s leg, trying to knock him off balance, and Ruler predictably launches himself into the air, flinging an array of feathers at Deokdam. But with his wings flapping to keep himself in the air, he’s blowing the smoke away, and Deokdam switches weapons, launching a gravity orb at Ruler and clenching his fist, pulling him down to earth. He thinks his legs are bleeding, but it doesn’t matter, not when he switches back to his first weapon, shooting Ruler right in the chest and eliminating him, a faint red mark glowing where his Guild’s magic protected him. 

With their AD carry gone, Deokdam and his teammates are able to make quick work of what remains of JD Guild, especially thanks to Milkyway’s arrows that Deokdam swears have homing magic on them. The rest of the match is a bit of a blur, but the ceremony afterwards stays clear in his mind. Flandre is just as good-natured as Deokdam remembers, and Yagao has a quiet smile even in defeat, but when Deokdam shakes Ruler’s hand, the other AD carry murmurs in Korean, “Well fought.” 

As he walks away, Deokdam catches a glimpse of himself, and if his heart weren’t already pounding out of his chest from the adrenaline rush, it would be now from the shock. Ruler’s glow given by the Rift might be powerful, but right now, Deokdam shines with a light far more important, moonlight gleaming brightly in an aura all around him. It doesn’t go away, even as Milkyway heals his wounds, and when they leave, Deokdam chances a look up at the sky. There, peeking through the stormy clouds, Deokdam can see Her light shining down from above for the first time since he came to China, and he can’t help but smile. 

Thank you, he thinks. I’ll use your gift even better than before.

#ppau #ppau writing #ppau deokdam #ppau viper #ppau life #ppau ruler #ppau flandre #ppau milkyway #ppau showmaker #ppau fpx #ppau jdg #no beta we die like JDG HAH #no really i wrote this in one sitting and didn't proofread if you saw a type no you didn't #featuring my obsession with fantasy religion in general and the ppau lunari in specific

[aryasage]

blood so silver black by night

yes it should be phel theme not diana theme. it's still lunari and i'm running out of titles from phel theme. sue me.

if i could make this hit 1k it would probably go into the oneshots that didn't fit into atcybyna but i wanted to post SOME content in the next decade so here you all go (it could still probably hit 1k after going back and revising it as this thing is a mess and a half but again. wanted to get content out. it's definitely because i'm generous and not because i couldn't be bothered to proofread. yep.) a different version of this might end up being actually posted at some point, but for now, have this

this is set during tncfl, an exchange between deokdam and viper. no graphic depictions of anything but vague mentions of abuse, violence, all your standard viper backstory stuff. oh and also religion because i find fantasy religion really fun to explore so it ended up taking up a lot of this little piece. anyway keep reading for some actual writing for once :)

You’re…like me? Deokdam asks hesitantly upon hearing Viper’s voice, so similar to his own yet so much rougher, full of pain buried deep down.

Am I? Viper responds, poison in his voice threatening to spill over. You had a choice, didn’t you?

Deokdam is taken aback by the question. What do you mean?

The moon’s gifts, Viper says bluntly. You wanted them, didn’t you?

I—of course. it was an honour to receive her blessing, Deokdam says, unsure of where Viper’s going with this.

Did you— Viper stops, taking a deep breath before continuing. Could you have said no, if you didn’t want them?

I mean—why would I? I knew what I was getting into, had prepared for it my whole life. Didn’t you?

Viper scoffs, and his support looks over at him, but Viper waves him off before addressing the other ADC again, avoiding eye contact. Yeah, no. I’m not like you.

What do you—

I didn’t know what I was getting into. I didn’t get a choice, didn’t have an opportunity to say no—and I tried. You drink noctum willingly—imagine it’s forced down your throat with no idea what’s happening. Then you have to keep taking it just to keep yourself alive.

Deokdam stares at him, horrified. Why would anyone— The ceremony, the ritual, the acceptance—that’s the most important part. Not the gifts themselves. It’s—willingly making that sacrifice—that’s the entire point—

Viper sighs. Not everyone in our faith had the same idea. Some were too focused on their…objectives to care about what they had to do to get to them. What was one person, in the grand scheme of things? The individual doesn’t matter, after all.

Only its role, Deokdam finishes out of habit. But wait, that’s not what it’s supposed to mean—

I know that. Pretty sure they did too. Just chose to ignore it in favour of their agenda. It was all in her name, after all. How could she disapprove?

And what, exactly, was the agenda that justified them doing that? Deokdam asks, but he’s not entirely sure he wants to know the answer.

Viper doesn’t answer the question, asking his own instead. You prepared for it your whole life, right? But what kind of preparation was that? Training? Practice? Viper looks away, his next words quieter, yet they echo in Deokdam’s mind louder than ever. You learn a lot faster when your life depends on it. In real battles. Especially when you’re not protected by any Guild’s magical guarantee. He takes another deep breath, exhaling slowly before finally answering the question that Deokdam asked. As for their ideals, well…I don’t know how much of what they said was true. But they must have been at least somewhat right, because it’s definitely true that there are some that aren’t so…approving of our faith.

Her sister’s followers…Deokdam responds quietly. I thought they swore to stop centuries ago.

Maybe some did. Like your guild’s old support, I imagine. But there are always exceptions. Where do you think this came from, after all? Viper asks, subtly indicating the scar on his face. It’s silvery, just like the few scars that Deokdam has, the telltale sign of being healed with one of the moon’s weapons. But the edges are rough, almost like a blade set alight had carved into skin—oh. Sunfire? That can’t be right, it must just be something like it—

Viper nods, almost imperceptibly.

I’m so sorry—

Viper cuts him off. I don’t need your pity, he says, scowling and turning his head away from Deokdam.

It’s not pity! I—I got enough of that with my first Guild. None of them understood that I wouldn’t give up my gifts for anything no matter how much the noctum hurts, and I can’t even imagine how it would be for you—there’s a reason I stopped trying to explain them to my new teammates. He sighs before continuing. I’m sorry that you never got to accept your gifts, never got to prepare yourself for any of it. It’s not fair that I did and you didn’t, and I wanted to apologise for that. It shouldn’t have been like that.

It’s not your fault. You don’t need to apologise. Besides, it’s not like they could keep their hold on me forever, Viper says, smirking. I got my gifts, but they don’t get their champion. Not anymore. I won, in the end.

They both fall silent before Viper finally asks a question softly. What was it like for you?

What do you mean?

What should it have been like for me?

Oh. Deokdam’s tried explaining to people who didn’t understand before. It’s never ended well. But With Viper, well, he’s all too happy to share. He at least owes his fellow marksman that much, and as he begins to describe the details of the night when he accepted his gifts, Viper listens, taking in every word.

#ppau #ppau writing #ppau viper #ppau edg #ppau deokdam #ppau dk #ppau snippets #no beta we die like my hopes of viper staying with edg #nonexistent ending because i'm too lazy to figure out how to actually finish it #featuring my obsession with fantasy religion in general and the ppau lunari in specific