#for legal reasons that’s a joke call your country’s emergency number and also maybe get the fuck outta there if you see ‘smoke’

[archersartcorner]

I was working on continuing the vo n ginter comic, then I had an 8 hour a day, week long class that started on Monday, and in that time I started. Another fucking comic. So here’s the first panel for that, frankly idk how/if I’m gonna finish it, but we shall see I suppose lmao

#my wips #return of the brothers. if I do post this I’m not tagging them at all tho lol I do not CARE for their fandom… #I can appreciate them but only as a separate entity from their weird cult following #anyway I’m hazmat certified now so if you ever have a hazmat disaster lemme know I guess BDBSJSJ #for legal reasons that’s a joke call your country’s emergency number and also maybe get the fuck outta there if you see ‘smoke’ #time to be sleepy this weekend then I have an essay to knock out next week so. fuck me WHEVDJSB #comic is mainly focused on valerio n ingo btw. emmie’s there to whine about his brother leaving him BDBDJSB #emmie: ‘you said you’d never leave me again 🥺🥺’ gogo: ‘I Am Taking A Fucking Phone Call. Arceus Above’ #also feel the need to say it’s not meant to be ship but also interp however you want idc lol 🤷🏼‍♂️

[thesamesandwicheveryday]

5.

After a day of incredible pressure and its different pains, one after the other, follows at least one or two hours of what I can only describe as a kind of ritualistic stateliness; I’m currently working on my posture and self-restraint sitting upright in a computer chair, and whilst there are a good three or four inches between my back and the back of the chair, I’d say enough room for a cushion, I am not utilising a cushion, because I am working on myself, and if I can sit like this as if a cushion were really there, then I’ll have the grace and elegance of a dancer, and not only will I have the grace and elegance of a dancer, but I’ll have the restraint of a monk, and I will learn to find gratification in the simplest of ways, like once every 90 minutes when I feel gratified by just leaning back. In this spirit I’ve got a bottle of Riesling open, but I’m only drinking one glass per half an hour. There’s Mavrodaphne in the cupboard, but that’s more a me-and-Will drink, we’ve got a joke about it now, we even text about the Mavrodaphne. The last time he mentioned it I texted him back saying “Mavrodaph’ me” and he texted back that he laughed aloud, and I really think when someone takes the time to say “I actually laughed out loud” instead of “lol”, they truly must mean it. And there’s probably something in that, some profound key to understanding sincerity and humanity, but I’m not going to go into that now, not with the day I’ve had. No, I can leave that kind of heavy thinking for another day; that’s a Wednesday kind of a task. My first pain was planning a Monday lie-in yet waking up inexplicably at 8am after a missed call from a number I didn’t recognise that didn’t leave a text nor answer the phone when I called back but did in fact leave a voicemail though I can’t access those because it’s 2018 and leaving voicemails is disgusting. I don’t know if the cultural hatred of Mondays has become a superficial preset in all adult humans or if it really is as bad a day as we all think it is, because I don’t have a nine-to-five nor a structured work schedule and I hate Mondays, but the call waking me up and me just knowing I was waking up into a Monday prevented me from falling back asleep again. I try not to be superstitious so I’d be interested in learning the metric factors of how precisely one measures a “bad day”, why Monday is the worst. Why not Thursday? Tuesday’s a bum-note. I’ve never been hugely keen on Saturdays. I digress.

After my rude awakening I walked from my bedroom to the living room naked as the blinds were all shut and I’m a really naked person. There are low beams in my living room, these charming, great slabs of thick branch supporting the roof, and whilst they’re certainly characterful, I have to be aware of them all the time or else I’ll bang my head, like I did today, naked, gripping my head with my right hand, dropping my phone on the hard floor in doing so, not breaking the screen at all but there’s a scuff now in the corner that I can only challenge myself to stop thinking about. I tried calling Will a first time, and I got his voicemail: “Hi, this is Will, looks like I’m busy, if it’s an emergency call 999, they’ll be better qualified to deal with it than me”. Hilarious, Will, but I just banged my head on my roof beam and fell over like a naked Buster fucking Keaton, I have no time for your jokes and your japes right now. I tried a second time, then after my morning coffee a third, but still Hi this is Will, Hi this is Will, Hi this is Will. Eventually, as I was forcing myself to eat a bowl of muesli for the sake of health and also hating myself, he texted me: “Can’t talk now, Esther’s come over, had a fight with her mum or something, crying a lot, you know how she gets. Lemme give you a bell when I’m about. W. -X” And this had several flaws. Let’s start from the end and work our ways back. “W.-X” — why is he signing off like that, still, after four massive years of knowing me? Why does Will always have to end texts like he’s closing a deal? Just close me off with the initial and a kiss and — much worse — a full stop between the two? Distanced once more with that, let’s be honest, quite egregious dash? Is he proving some kind of point about being that crucial whole decade older than me, that self-righteous kind of, “oh look at me I love grammar” bollocks, that kind of “I don’t use Face-tube” or “I saw something on the interwebs” humour that the middle-aged employ to indicate superiority? Is that what that is? Because I’ve always wondered it and today I really had to think about it, and I figure it’s because he’s spending the day with Esther who’s always been that bit more Will’s brood, another late-30s horse-girl, another Oxon (that’s the name they give to people who graduated from Oxford and that’s something I have to fucking know), you know I think the only reason he married her in the first place is because it looked good on paper, he’s as good as told me that to be frank, and yeah maybe she is crying today and maybe she’s had a fight with her mum but that’s Will’s job how? Esther, sweetheart, darling, it’s over — and Will’s got the decree absolute to prove it, honey, sweetheart. And because of a fight with her mother? Everyone fights with their mother, I do nothing but fight with my mother but you don’t see me saying to Will “oh Will please can you come over and hold me? My mum still doesn’t love me and doesn’t even respect me”, do you? No you don’t, no matter how true that is, because Will’s not my dad. HE’S NOT YOUR DAD, ESTHER. 

And “can’t talk now”? Can’t, or won’t? Why would he write that like I’m placing some mad demand on him when I so very clearly am not? So many times we call each-other and there’s a dead end and it’s always something really innocuous that neither one of us feels the need to explain, we’re not married, and even if we were — the point is, he really felt like he had to say “can’t talk now”, like he’s really frazzled by me at 9am, and I even wonder if that’s for Esther’s benefit, like if she looks through his phone again she’ll see he’s at least been a little cold to me, and she’d love that wouldn’t she. Oh, but Esther’s sad again and so the world must spin off its axis because she’s sad again, Esther’s come off her Prozac, Esther’s cat’s got diabetes, Esther’s troubled by world news, Esther’s accidentally lost weight and now needs new clothes. I thought this whole Esther saga was over, I thought she'd get the hint that once you’ve put legal proceedings into action to separate yourself from someone, the message would hit home loud and clear, but no. Esther needs new brake-lights on her car. Esther’s tripped on an avocado skin and fallen down a haunted well. Esther’s been possessed by the great and powerful Beleth and needs a lift home from the exorcist’s bungalow. He’ll call me when he’s free, capital-double-you-dot-dash-capital-ex. And you’d think I’d get my sandwich and that would make me feel better? Well that's what I thought, too. Eventually I got dressed into the first t-shirt and jeans I saw lolling outside the clothes hamper and got out of my flat as quickly as I could, hoping to save the day before it fell into utter ruin and developed the ability to cause me real harm. The walk from my flat to the market is only a short one and is even shorter angry. I felt as if when I got through the door of the place I suddenly slipped outside of myself, but unable to look back in I instead disappeared, and when I returned back into my host body, I was looking at my reflection in the glass display of vanilla slices at my sandwich stall. I looked flushed. I looked hungry. I was ravenous and needed to see a friendly face. Of course today was the day they let just whoever walks into the market serve sandwiches, it seems, because I was met with a smiling boy-child, with biro scribbled onto his hands. He had mid-brown hair coming down about one inch above his shoulders, I’d say he was into day 10 of not washing it, the kind of bleary eyes that seem used to glasses and look unsettlingly beady when unframed, an unremarkable nose and an offensively weak chin, and whilst it sounds as if I’m describing a hapless teenager with great insensitivity you may in fact be relieved to learn my utter contempt here is directed toward a whole adult human who, if I were to conservatively guess, would be somewhere around the 27 years old marker. 27 years old and an untucked, short-sleeved, blue cotton dress shirt, like some bizarre attempt at formality, what was he, on his way to an interview for a different job or something? Judging by the outfit, a job as a white plastic patio furniture salesman? I wish I'd seen his shoes, they might have saved him, but as he stood, six foot tall before me, his bottom half was hidden behind the counter, so I had to assume he was wearing tan Caterpillar boots with striped yellow and black laces, and on that probably quite correct assumption, I hated him. He asked me my sandwich order and I told him, pretending to be shy to mask my escalating rage, and he threw the thing together like it just didn't matter, and when he asked me why he hadn't seen me round here before I don’t know how I found the strength to sweetly reply, “I just moved, yeah, used to live in Manchester but I’ve always fancied myself as a country mouse” with a smile, so convincingly he introduced himself as Greg and started suggesting local pubs to me, especially the Golden Lion because “you look cool, and they do a lot of cool nights there”. Cool, cool, cool, Greg, thanks for the tip, Greg. I asked him, “I come here every now and then for my lunch and haven't seen you before either?”, and he told me he's helping is mother out who’s at home in bed, sick. I told him that was really sweet of him and he crumpled in on himself slightly and said “nah”, as he limply placed the white, paper sandwich bag onto the counter, because I didn’t want him putting it directly into my hands and therefore did not offer my hands out. I waved goodbye after wrapping the conversation up with false platitudes, and thought again about the Caterpillar boots he might have been wearing, and thought about the beam in my living room, and thought about how many steps I would have to climb up to get back home and eat my sandwich. I made it to the top of my 39 stairs and into my flat without spontaneously combusting, and I sat behind my living room door with my knees up to my chest eating my sandwich which was, predictably, not that great. The onions this time were on the very top layer, the ham beneath those, then the lettuce underneath the ham, then the tomatoes, then the bread, like the whole thing was upside down. I thought about flipping the sandwich upside down to salvage this terrible situation into a bearable one but then the rounded-top half of the bun would be on the bottom, the flat half on the top, and I wasn't about to start creating my own problems. So I ate it, and it was fine. Which would be fine, but I’m not one to settle for fine. Today’s just been really hard. So here I'm sat with my Riesling and my good posture, looking at the long shadow my straight torso makes on the wall by the light of my reading lamp, and I just tried to call Will again, watching the shadow turn angular with my elbow’s movements like an old, German expressionist movie, but this time it went straight to voicemail and immediately I received a text saying: “Can I call you later?”. Will has turned his auto-reply on, and is no longer taking calls today. I’m breaking into the Mavrodaphne, and I'm going to apportion 14 cashew nuts for myself but first I will lean back for a good, long while. I won't call Will again. It’s really none of my business. My head just hurts from the knock from earlier, and I didn't like my sandwich at all, really. 

[paradox-oflife]

q and a part 6 pls ignore

1. Who was your favourite teacher at school and why? My 9th grade Lit teacher. She was the kindest soul I’ve ever met.

2. Whats your favourite party game? I LOVE MAFIA. I’m not talking about basic mafia. You gotta play upgraded versions. I personally love playing one called One Night Ultimate Werewolf. I also like playing the law version which is made for super big groups - There’s police involved, and they choose the mafia. The person accused can hire lawyers who defend them. The police have to present their reasoning, and the lawyers have to figure out how to prove them wrong. God it’s basically Danganronpa isn’t it.

3. Is it acceptable or unacceptable to smack a child as form of discipline? Now this is controversial, and understandably so.  I personally would never hit my child and yell at them. But for other people, if it’s a light smack, like a pat, I guess it’s alright. But otherwise nothing harder than that.

4. Can a hetrosexual male ever wear pink? Um, yes??? Do what you want man.

5. Is it criminal to wear socks with sandals? Listen I’ve seen too many people wear these in public to the point where I’m numb to it.

6. If you were captain of a ship, what would you call it? Make it an obscure video game reference or an inside joke. 

7. If you were to join an emergency service which would it be? Probably the medical side of things, like an EMT. Or a firefighter. EMT’s go through a lot of pressure.

8. If you were to join one of the armed forced which would it be? Maybe coast guard. But I really would not want to join the military. I’m too sensitive. If people yell at me I’d probably cry lol. And there’s the colorblind test.

9. Whats the worst thing about being your gender? Periods. And the pain of child birth. Also how it’s scary to walk alone at night sometimes.

10. Whats the best thing about being your gender? Of course this doesn’t apply to everyone, but I feel like sometimes the friendships girls have are more emotional than boys.

11. If you swapped genders for a day how would you spend it? Honestly? Just observe my body. Not in a sexual manner but like, how does it feel like to not have boobs? How does it feel to have a dick???

12. If you were exiled what country would you choose as your new home? I’m moving back to New Zealand lol. I already have a passport and family there. Or maybe Canada if I don’t want a big culture difference

13. Have you ever made someone cry? Yeah :( Not through verbal attack though. I accidentally kicked a football into a girl’s face.

14. Have you ever starred in a school play? In the first elementary school I went to, it was mandatory to do a play. So yes. Three, actually.

15. Were you a member of any celebrity fanclub? Nope

16. Have you ever been a member of any other club? Yes! Animal Services and Protection, CSF (volunteering stuff), Martial Arts

17. If you could have a full scholarship to any university what would you choose to study? The university I’m going to rn

18. Whats been your greatest ever day? I have a lot. One of my favorites was going to an amusement park at the end of middle school. Had a blast.

19. What historical period would you like to live in if you could go back in time? Hmm... Maybe during the Age of Enlightment?

20. What would you bring along to an idillic picnic? My friends, no phones, music, and a sandwich.

21. Whats your favourite childrens story? Does Harry Potter count? I guess not really. When i was little I loved Geronimo Stilton LMAO

22. What movie ending really frustrated you? And how would you change it? The Mist. I mean, it frustrated me not because it was bad, but because it was so FRUSTRATING.

23. What three things do you think of most each day? Now we’re in quarantine, “I wonder how my friends are doing?” “What am I doing with my life?” “Will life be the same?”

24. What do you call your evening meal? Dinner Tea or Supper? Dinner

25. What do you call your after meal sweet? Pudding or Dessert? Dessert. I usually just have a fruit

26. If you had a warning label, what would yours say? “Warning! Certified Grade A Clown!”

27. Have you ever got sweet revenge on anyone? Can’t really think of one

28. Have you ever been to a live concert? aaaah no i really want to though

29. Have you ever been to see stand up comedy? It was a long time ago on a cruise. It was pretty funny :D

30. Have you ever needed stitches? Yup. If you observe closely, you can see a faint scar near my eye. If it was a bit more obvious I’d look like an anime villain lol

31. If you could invent brand new baby names what would they be? LMAO imagine naming your child like, Fire Emblem names. “Hi yes this is my baby, um, his name is Chrom”

32. Do your dreams ever tell you to do anything? I have the most bizarre dreams. They’re super vivid. They range from me summoning tornados, to me being killed in some Danganronpa world. I dreamed of a school shooting once and a couple days later some other school in my state had a shooting

33. Who's your favourite radio 1 DJ? I don’t really listen to radio lol

34. Whats the best way to your heart? Be a good person. Have good morals.

35.  Do you know your own mobile phone number off by heart? Um yes??? 

36. If you were a fashion designer, what style of clothing or accessories would you design? Just comfortable hoodies that don’t change when you wash it.

37. Do you ever laugh at things you shouldn't? I laugh when I’m nervous. Like I go like, “hahahawhat the hell”. I also laugh when I’m shocked.

38. Have you ever been in a submarine? Yes! But it wasn’t underwater.

39. Have you ever walked out of a cinema before the film was done? Nope. 

40. What song would you say best sums you up? Eeeh i can’t decide but Read my Mind by the Killers. Their music video. When he’s twitching his arms, but he’s acting like everything’s fine.

41. Do you have any old friends would wish you could meet up with again? Yeah :( I had a super super close friend from 4th grade and we slowly drifted apart. By the time of high school we just stopped. I want to be friends with her again :((( I really miss her

42. Whats your favourite Nursery Rhyme? Idk... ring around a rosy maybe just because the context of the lyrics lol

43. Do you prefer metric or imperial measurements? Of course I’d take metric over imperial, but I’m used to it by now.

44. Who's your favourite monarch of all time?Queen Elizabeth I

45. What was the last thing you ate? These Asian things called Zong Zi in Chinese. I’m pretty sure like every country has their own version of it lol/

46. Whats your favourite farmyard animal? I love baby chickens but cows for me I guess

47. If you could choose one celebrity to be the father/mother of your child who would it be? Just someone who’s caring. Tyler Joseph

48. What would you do if someone proposed to you tomorrow? If it’s someone I like, then I’d freak out. Because I’m way too young for it.

49. What are your 3 favourite internet sites? Reddit, youtube, and uh... tumblr or wikipedia. I use tumblr mobile way often

50. How high can you jump? Never measured but definitely not that high

51. Which fictional character do you wish was real? aw man i would say a character but then that would imply their universe exists

52. Who was your first crush? PHFFT IT WAS probably Marshall Lee from the genderbent episodes of Adventure Time.

53. Whats the greatest thing about being your nationality? The food

54. Whats the least greatest thing about being your nationality? Having to explain the difference between Taiwan and China. Like. It’s understandable.

55. Do you believe in destiny, fate or free will? I kinda correlate destiny with fate. It’s a bit paradoxical. We have free will to do whatever we want, but whatever choice you make will end up being your “destiny”

56. If you could talk to one species of animal which would it be? Dogs. They just seem so happy all the time. I want to tell my dog I love him so much.

57. If you had friends round what DVD's would you have to watch? Mean Girls, Heathers, Legally Blonde, or Daria

58. Do you like vanilla or chocolate? Vanilla>>> fight me

59. Are you a giver or a receiver? Both

60. Do you have any enemies? Yeah. Me.

61. Are you scared of needles? YES YES YES

62. How many piercings do you have? Nah I was going to get my ears pierced a while ago but something came up so ever since I’ve jsut haven’t gotten it done

63. Have you ever got majorly lost trying to get somewhere? yes it was scary. Had to use google maps because I have a terrible sense of direction

64. How fast can you say the alphabet? 4 seconds

65. Do you say "Zee" or "Zed" to describe the letter Z? Zee

66. What was the last thing to make you feel happy? My dog fell asleep at my feet and I couldn’t move for the past hour but I love him

67. What was the last thing to make you feel angry? A friend of mine. I love her and all but she takes a week to respond to my texts. And I’m tired of waiting.

68. You are walking to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss told you if you are late one more time you're fired. Do you save the dog? Okay realistically I immediately call animal control or the nearest vet or something. But in some alternate universe I’d take pictures as proof, grab the dog, then get it out.

69. Are you the kind of friend you'd want to have as a friend yourself? I perceive myself as a not so great person. But my friends perceive me as a good person. So yeah. i mean, I might not text first sometimes but if smoeone texted me I’d always respond asap!

70. Do you have any questions or queries about things you're just to scared or embarrassed to ask anyone about? Do my friends like me as much as I like them? I’m so scared of that

71. If you were a wrestler what would your stage name be? and what would your special move be called? Haha maybe like Paradoxical (yes thats my blizzard tag) I’d do something like a shihonage

72. Whats the most interesting thing you can see out of your nearest window? A cat

73. Do you think Barbie is a negative role model for young girls? There’s a lot of Barbie models out there. I don’t think they’re completely bad. But there’s negative things.

74. Have you ever needed an eye test? Don’t have glasses so no. But I might need some soon at the rate of time i spend on electronics

75. Do you find yourself attractive? No. I’m just. Average.

76. Can you roll your R's? Yes

77. What social class do you consider yourself or your family background to be in? Upper middle class

78. Do you know any magic tricks? I used to but I never execute them well enough to convince anyone lol

79. Whats the largest amount of money you've ever won? I ever won? Probably like, $100 lol

80. Whats the largest amount of money you've spent in one spree? $200, if we’re not talking necessities.

81. Whats the largest amount of money you've had to borrow off of a friend or family member? I don’t borrow money. But the most from a friend was like $20 maybe.

82. Have you ever been on a cable car? Yeah, San Francisco is known for that stuff. But I’ve only been on one like, twice.

83. Do you prefer Honey or Jam? Jam! But I like honey too.

84. Do you prefer the French or Germans? Uuuuh, French?

85. How fast can you get changed? Pretty damn fast, if we’re talking my normal outfit.

86. How fast do you type? Around 98 wpm

87. How fast can you run? I’m a decent sprinter. I got 12 seconds on a 100m dash.

88. Which is better, Mario or Sonic? Mario. But both are cool

89. Whats your favourite biscuit to dunk? (im assuming british biscuit but in that case idk)

90. Which would you rather have if you had to, a broken leg or a broken arm? Arm. I like walking around.

91. Do you read a daily newspaper? Nah

92. Do you watch the news on TV? Sometimes

93. Have you ever had anything published? Nope

94. Do you believe in love at first sight? Not really. I mean, Romeo and Juliet, and Frozen has warned us right

95. How many remote controls do you have in your house? Two.

96. Have you ever been in a hot tub or sauna? Yes, and it’s hella

97. Have you ever had chicken pox? Nope. Vaccines rock

98. Do you own a lava lamp? Nah, it seems cool but I’d be too mesmerized by it