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toasttz · 5 years

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From the Tabletop #8

When last we left our questionably-competent D&D gang, we decided to venture out, due to Kaz receiving a vision/message from Granzeen the Gale, a patron spirit of the chicken tendies, asking Kaz if he wanted revenge for his father's murder. This resulted in: Kaz: Yeah, I guess? Granzeen: I will show you that which you most desire! Needless to say, Kaz has some commitment issues. At the same time, Laguna also had a vision, whereupon he was told he had become a Hero of Yzzmitt, which leads to its own thing a little later on. Imagine a thin girl who loves arts and crafts, her hair tied back in a bandana, clad in apron, and work clothes. Her arms end in useless bulbs rather than hands, but her hair is amassed with dozens of hands that extend from the locks. So, the next day, following the directions issued in the vision, we came across a small, pink, fluffy ball of a creature, about the size of a volleyball with a tuft tail. Kaz: I'MMA KILL IT! Needless to say, Kaz has some mental issues. So, as anyone with a GM as mischevious as ours already predicted, this little fluff ball was one tough piece of fluff, and shaved off 3/4 of Laga's HP in one terrifying firebreath, causing her to flee down the road. Turns out a setting named "DinosaurLand DragonWorld" might actually have dragon-type creatures in it. To say nothing of the fact that Kaz just attacked the thing without doing any prep work or seeing if it was naturally hostile or not. So, tails figuratively between our legs, we venture onward and arrive at a cave, all the while stalked by some weird shadow creatures we couldn't quite make out. Inside, we attempt to switch to stealth mode. Laga and Laguna actually have low-light vision, and take point. Kaz is an idiot and asks if he can fly in the 7' high cave. Laga is then terrified by a small bundle of rubber spiders, dropped on her from a trap, causing this Amazon of a woman, mace, shield, armor, the whole 9 yards, to shriek like a small girl. As the GM said, this set the tone for the entire trip. Around the first corner, a dart trap sprung, hitting Laguna, who to his credit was trying to sneak by. He was laid out on his back, drooling and spacing out as a technocolor whirlwind became the sum of his audio/visual experience. Laga attempted to call out whoever was responsible, proudly declaring her name (and failing her charisma roll), whereupon two chittering figures declared their love of G-pop and fleeing into the dark, much to Laga's consternation. Around here we also found some phat loots, including an old-style oil lamp, an ancient coin, and a wand. Laga and Laguna conclude that it'd be best to wait until we had better conditions to assess them and they pocketed them. Eventually, we get a lay of the first corridor, which sectioned off into several other paths. We decide to head north, as we felt a wind coming from that direction. Then all Hell broke loose. In the next room, we got to Indiana Jones our way to a maiden, strung up to a structure in the middle of the room. The floor tiles had draconic symbols on them, and the only one among us who could read them was the still-groggy Laguna, he got to play the hop-scotch to the death for us. Surprisingly, he made it rather well, and ultimately got to the maiden in question, whereupon slats in the walls opened and snipers started taking potshots at us, and the door behind us sealing shut. Left no option but forward, we had to run for it. We actually managed it with just scrapes and bruises, mostly because chicken nuggers just half-flew across the room and Laga just bolted. In the next room we ran into a much more considerable problem. Approximately 3 dozens kobolds and a powerful woman in the middle of the room, emitting cold air, as she was doing a workout routine. Deciding it best to tackle this via the diplomatic angle, Laga spoke first. It didn't take long for us to piece together that this woman was, in fact, a very powerful dragon. A very powerful dragon who was down an eyeball courtesy of one barbecue buffalo wing and his father. She was ready to just ice us and be done with it, and Kaz even briefly flirted with the idea of challenging her to a duel. I then had to point out that that was suicide. So Laga, flexing the "Us grrrls, amirite?" angle, talked down the dragon, whose name turned out to be Alba. "Her parents weren't terribly creative," ~GM. After coaxing it out of her, Laga learned that Alba secretly wished to visit Belly Button, but wanted a regal, splendid dress to do so. Laga agreed to retrieve it for her, but was given a three-day deadline to pull it off. Kaz then decided to open his beak for some stupid reason, and offered to just knit her a dress. Laga immediately declined that plan, on account she liked living. So they returned to town to try to figure out the dress situation. Laguna and Kaz were absolutely no help in this regard, as Laga was left to her own devices in figuring out who she could petition to create the piece. After being turned down by the best artisans in town and even being offered a Rumpelstiltskin deal, Laga eventually asked Laguna to assess the artifacts we had found previously. Upon invoking the coin's power, we ended up summoning a Fallen, a class of angel, who happened to maintain the purview of clothing. Lucky us! So, Laga gave the specifications because there is no way in hell she was going to trust the others to do so. Dress in hand, we returned to the cave once more, in largely uneventful fashion since Kaz didn't randomly punch any wildlife this time. Ecstatic at her new duds, Alba and some of her draconic friends joined us in a return flight as they began to explore the town with glee - mostly because Laga begged their assistance with the now-impending disaster timer. They also heckled Laguna who, despite having some draconic heiritage had no kobolds to call his own. That, as they said, was so sad. Around this point, we concluded this session and I had to come to terms with one problem I had: Laga was kind of boring. So I consulted with the GM and he liked my new idea, so I created Blackbe, a Paladin of the Warcur people, who was planescaped to this world by powers ill-understood, alongside his sister and nephew. So, at the next session's start, the party was introduced to him, because apparently Kaz started crashing at Laguna's house? Kind of news to me, but Laguna flagged Blackbe down out of the otherwise-empty street because it was the day of the calamity and any sale would be better than none. After an... interesting roll, Laguna offered Blackbe the "GODPIECE", a diamond-studded codpiece worth of armor, which Blackbe politely declined, after his sister speculated this pawn shop was a dealer in questionable goods. Blackbe, having only just become aware of the disasters and the timer, petitioned Laguna and Kaz to accompany him, mostly because any help he could get would still be better than none at all. So they quickly got Cherri and Duran (aforementioned sister and nephew) to safety as Blackbe lead the charge, quickly joining ranks with other teams of soldiers awaiting the fight ahead. Blackbe, being noble among Warcur families, gave a rousing speech about the disaster ahead forging ties between races - that all men who stood together in this dark hour were brothers, regardless of race or standing. This got the troops pretty excited and got the attention of a Warcur lady, Jiraca, a druid who threw in with the team as the first disaster struck: A colossal beast, Thorophaganax, preluded by dozens of small insect-like drones who we met at the base of a hill as their number attempted to plow into it. Blackbe, the first to charge into the fray, declared that s/he who got the smallest number of kills would buy drinks for the party, as Jiraca joined the game with a few kills all her own. Then Laguna unleashed the fuckin' thunder and just rained fire on them, wiping out over half of them in as little as two turns. Being a sorcerer does that. Blackbe: Friend Laguna, I feel I might need to get you more than a drink when this is over... The small fry dealt with, we then had to deal with a lightning-spitting giant. Ever see "Nausica of the Valley of the Wind"? Like that. But more lightning. Kaz then proceeded to completely derail the flow of the game but essentially taking five turns in one go. We actually had to stop the boss fight and call up rules for how monks are supposed to operate in 5e. Turns out, he was basically trying to bend/break all the rule and use all his attacks in one go and not even so much the tribute of a ki point to be seen. We then had to explain that extra attacks and bonus actions were taken as a one-and-done affair and could not be multiplied in the same turn. And he got really petty and douchey about it, especially after he declared he lodged his spear all the way into the Thoroph, which I'm calling it for short, and couldn't actually get it back due to not understanding how suction works. And barbed things. Funny enough, despite Kaz's stupid dex-based pinwheel of death, Blackbe, with two attacks per turn as a Paladin, was able to empower and strike for way, way more damage than Kaz. See, Blackbe uses a greatsword, which has a higher damage floor than most, I have several ways of empowering my strikes, and due to a specialty I get as a Paladin, I can reroll damage results that have 1s and 2s in them. This was also after the fact that I am a moron and wasn't calculating my strength mod into my damage results, and yet I was still belting out more damage. Which says something. With some concerted effort, we struck down the disaster, which ultimately reset the timer for 3 additional days. Not a great deal of time, but a reprieve nonetheless. At this point, we learned Laga had fully embraced the G-pop star life and had taken to pursuing her new career with some level of success. At this point, Alba, who had joined in the battle per her promise, demanded that Blackbe and company take responsibility for the promise that Laga made, concerning some inter-dragon politics. Namely a gold dragon who, quote, "Makes fun of [her] all the time". Agreeing, the party made preparations for departure the following day. Blackbe explained that, upon his sudden arrival in this world, he made fast friends with 7 warrior comrades, who battled alongside him against a goblin incursion they suddenly ran across. And he explained that, since they were headed north towards the Twin Peaks, hoped to meet at least one of them again soon. More on them next time. The next morning, a series of strange injury/illness fell over the townsfolk, as Blackbe rushed to treat as many as he could. It was almost as if they were being violently struck by an unseen fist, so Blackbe began to investigate. Along his way he met with a well-armored man, named Garman. He, too, was investigating the crisis and after exchanging notes, became another fast friend of Blackbe's. Garman was Lucius's player's new character, who also decided to release the A-Men character for a new idea: a dual-classed Ranger/Rogue, with an intense racial hatred against Kobolds. Think "Goblin Slayer, but kobolds", and you're on the right track. And with that high note, I break here. Come back in the future for my D&D adventures such as: Kaz gets his ass royally handed to him by a gel cube, Garman mathematics (always equals KOBOLD), Blackbe is declared the team's face and the hero the world both needs and deserves, and Laguna is tricked by literally the most obvious lie in the world. See you there!

#Tabletop RPG #Dungeons & Dragons #That Guy Story #Gaming

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