#gives Greek tragedy vibes. the perfect storm of missteps is what ruined things in the end

[caramiaaddio]

well the nice thing about having had a life changing codependent relationship for most of my life is that whenever something bad is going on I can always switch my brain over to feeling bad about that instead

like it’s gonna feel bad either way but I’d much rather be in ‘mourning the loss of a dear friend’ mode than ‘my entire life is falling apart’ mode y’know

#like there’s so much to think about there I can very easily distract myself #whatever happened at work today? nah. instead consider: why didn’t they love me and could we ever be friends again? #it’s sad but it doesn’t give me a panic attack lol #and unlike thinking about things that make me happy my brain doesn’t snap back to the bad thing #it’s wild though that even after I’ve kind of forgiven them for all the stuff that happened it all kind of hits different #like yeah okay I was valid in feeling violated but also it wasn’t like it was on purpose and stupid kids do stupid kid shit #but even knowing that there’s just a part of me that can’t help but think about everything that went down #gives Greek tragedy vibes. the perfect storm of missteps is what ruined things in the end #and at this point like. I spent so long bothering them that I don’t wanna teach out and continue the pattern #plus there’s always that lingering fear and insecurity over being dumped in the first place #but it’s just so strange to have someone in your life for so long and then to just…not #I still bring them up in conversation sometimes like ‘oh yeah my ex liked that movie’ it’s weirdly natural #like we were inseparable for a decade it’s wild that they’re just…not part of my life anymore #and my brain will be stuck on this tangent for DAYS. great coping mechanism for whatever the fuck is happening at work #which like. don’t ask I don’t wanna talk about it I just want to move past this job and never see these people again