#got bodied by a little dude with a makeshift axe

[movienotesbyzawmer]

October 23: Friday The 13th - A New Beginning

(previous notes: Friday the 13th - The Final Chapter)

In case you're just joining us, I have committed myself to the task of watching each of the eight Friday the 13th movies that came out in the 80s, taking notes as I watch them, then posting those notes. I'm about to watch the fifth movie.

And hey, is it time to just recap the "story" so far? I mean… sure, I guess. It all started in 1958, when a little boy named Jason drowned at Camp Crystal Lake. Supposedly the camp counselors responsible for keeping an eye on him were distracted with their recreational boinking. That's how the story goes… however, what we see in 1958 is two camp counselors boinking and then getting murdered by someone with ostensibly no related drowning event. Anyway, Twenty years later Jason's mom stalks some camp counselors that are at that camp and kills them very violently. She gets beheaded before she can kill the last counselor, but then that counselor gets pulled into the water by ghoulboy Jason; she survives this only to be murdered by him in her house at a later date.

Meanwhile another facility down the shore from Camp Crystal Lake (and I might add that the actual eponymous lake doesn't appear to be any bigger than the apparel section of a Target) has some new counselor trainees on a retreat of some kind. Jason has quickly matured from a swampy child-monster to a hooded, but otherwise sharply-dressed psychopath who doesn't say anything. He kills everyone at this retreat except for one girl who seems to kind of get him. Also maybe her boyfriend survives, we never really get an answer on that, but she is familiarly hauled away by an ambulance and forgotten about. Jason keeps his killing spree going quite indiscriminately, but focusing on another group of young people that are hanging out at a nearby ranch. He kills everyone there, plus some other people he found, except for one girl who survives long enough to get pulled into the water by a ghoul that is probably a Jason's Mom Thing. We don't know what happens to her, but she definitely did not stay dry.

The hospital where that last batch of victims ended up got a little bit murdered up. Jason was in there because he was thought of as one of the victims somehow, maybe a deliberate playing-dead trick because he does like to do stuff like that. He heads back to the woodsy area around Crystal Lake and decides to pick on the residents of two area houses. He does lots of killings but a brother and sister from one of those houses stab him so many times that he just can't get up an murder them. But in the process of that, the brother might have caught some evil. Is this the final chapter. Will there be a new beginning. Soon the contents of Disc 5 will reveal all.

(I have not seen this movie btw)

It opens very differently from the others… someone on a raincoat is walking urgently through the woods during a nighttime storm. It's Corey Feldman! He approaches Jason's grave in the woods! Like totally a grave with a headstone that says Jason Voorhees. But also two hooligans were on their way to that grave; they want to dig Jason up! CF is hiding and watching that; the hooligans don't know about him. They want to see Jason's body, and when they succeed with that, it stabs them to death because Jason was buried with a bunch of his favorite weapons. Plus also wearing the hockey mask. He's about to kill CF when whoever was dreaming this dream wakes up in a van that appears to be for crazy people of some kind. I don't recognize anyone, but maybe the dreaming person is grown-up CF? Probably that. Not played by CF, though.

His name is Tommy. I think that was CF's character's name so yeah it's him. I wonder if he's still into video games. He's being delivered to an institute of mental health. A nice couple is in charge, a Nice Woman and a Nice Man who make it sound like it will be Nice there.

Tommy looks wistfully at a picture of his mom and sister. The sister survived the last movie ostensibly so what is the deal with her.

Reggie the Reckless is a character that introduces himself to Tommy quite confrontationally. He is only about 11 and he likes to scare people; he clearly thinks he's going to totally pwn Tommy with pranks, but Tommy is apparently still into monster masks so he responds in a horror-mask way that earns some cred with Reggie the Reckless.

We get a glimpse at the motley cast of teens and young adults that populates this youth mental facility slash work farm place… and then two old killjoys show up to scold everyone for being crazy. These two killjoy characters are the most broadly performed caricatures we've seen since the "you're all doomed" old guy. Their acting is the kind of acting you see at the Renaissance festival, except without the half-assed English accents.

One of the kids at the institute is just a well-meaning dork with chocolate smears on his face that everyone hates… one guy hates him so much that he murders him! With an axe! Chocolate Smear was trying to strike up a conversation with a man who was angrily chopping wood, and bothered him so much that he axes him right there in front of others and in broad daylight! This story I tell you, it is a veritable New Beginning.

New characters. Leather Jacket Assholes, are talking about the murder at the nuthouse. They are in the woods nearby and one of them goes to take a leak while the other tries to fix something wrong with the car. They both get some kind of killed! The first one, the killer shoves a lit flare in his mouth, and the other one gets his throat slashed while he's acting very cocky and charismatic in the front seat of the car. Lit flare death is better even though it looks very fake.

But now we're back at the workhouse institute place and they're all mournful because of that odd and traumatic axe murder. Someone tries to be playfully scary with a monster mask and Tommy flips out and beats him up! This is a drama about the dysfunctional relationships between the involuntary residents of a workhouse.

Ugh, now we're back on the Killjoy characters. They are extremely unpleasant to behold. I hope Jason really is still killing people and that he takes care of those two irritants.

New characters, a waitress at a café and a hot doggin' yuppie in a muscle car trying to impress her, It seems like it's always important in these movies to have loud asshole characters, but there are really a lot of them in this one. If it's because they think we want to see assholes get killed… they have a point.

Hot Dog was doing some coke lines in his car waiting for the waitress when he very abruptly, but not unpredictably got axed right in his bald spot! Then the waitress comes out to find him and gets axed in the sternum. Those two, and the leather jacket dudes, don't have any ostensible relationship to the workhouse kids, although the leather dudes mentioned hearing about the murder there. Are we supposed to suspect that Jason is following Tommy and killing randos in the area surrounding where he is?

So there's this couple, a frisky, playful couple that are, I think, residents at the mental health facility, but they smolder with the carefree lust of what can only be described as camp counselors. They sneak off into the woods to get naked and fool around! An old man is watching them! The old man gets knifed in the gut! Then the girl of the couple gets sheared to death while the guy is taking a break somewhere. But he returns to find what happened to her - we see that he sheared her right in the eyes, it's gross! Then he gets a very good death; the killer secures him to a tree with a leather strap, which he tightens and tightens and tightens with his makeshift branch-crank until his skull is crushed! This consistent ingenuity of homicide methodology can only come from the one, the only, the master, Jason Voorhees.

New character alert… I kind of like this part! So Reggie the Reckless is given a ride to visit his big brother at the trailer park where he lives. Reggie and Big Brother are really happy to see each other! They get along very, very well! Big Brother even offers Reggie an enchilada! We don't see the enchilada! They're in a van, not even a trailer, and the dialogue plainly tells us that Big Brother has an enchilada next to him that he makes available to Reggie! Reggie does not accept the proffered enchilada! It is funny that we do not see what the enchilada looks like! What does an enchilada in a van look like!

Meanwhile Tommy gets into big trouble because someone nearby with this movie's requisite asshole level notices him waiting around near the trailer park, and correctly surmises that he is from the nearby mental health facility. This asshole starts a fight and Tommy has incredible martial arts skills so he beats up the asshole. Why does he have those skills.

Big Brother had to go to the outhouse immediately for enchilada-related reasons after Reggie left. He and his girlfriend have a cute exchange while he's in there, and just when I think that I like it when this movie's assholes die and plus I also like Big Brother, he and the girlfriend get killed. Big Brother gets perforated with metal spikes that are shoved at him through the walls of the outhouse. I am disappoint. This is probably this series' version of the first ten minutes of Up.

Oh, so the Killjoy characters… one of them was the guy that Tommy beat up, and the other one is his mom. Yeah, they hate the mental health facility, so it make some sense that he would pick a fight with Tommy so rashly. He returns home on his motorcycle but he's so mad about getting beat up that he just rides around outside his house, raging loudly about getting thumped and demanding that his mom do something about it! But he gets beheaded by a knife that takes advantage of his perpetual motorcycle operation. Then a butcher knife comes through the window at his mom and she's dead, face down in some soup cauldron she'd been obsessing over.

A word about the character with the speech impediment. One of the workhouse kids stutters. Inclusion! He just had some awkward interactions with the couple of ladies in the house and then turned around and saw a raised butcher knife. No more stuttering guy.

I should mention, the glimpses we've gotten of the killer are very, very unrevealing. The movie is making sure we don't have enough information to conclude for sure that it is Jason, although sometimes Tommy has visions of Jason standing somewhere and looking at him.

Another character died that's in that house. A girl gets naked and goes to bed, sees the body of the stuttering guy that has been placed there to frighten her, and then gets macheted through the mattress.

Then another killing. This character who has been vividly characterized throughout as "girl who is only always ever listening to music that she is clearly super into so much that no one is able to talk to her", she's being like that in her room and the killer just goes in and stabs her in the gut.

Reggie and the Nice Woman find those last three bodies stacked on a bed, and they run away, but on their way out of the house, Jason, total actual Jason, bursts through a door at them! He has great posture and wears a clean jumpsuit. They run away into the nearby woods and see an old-fashioned station-wagon ambulance. They open a door of it and a body is in it! I don't recognize the victim but there have been a lot lately. But also look.. Jason! Nearby! They run away.

The two get separated and Nice Woman comes upon Nice Man spiked through the head into a tree, so very dead! I don't remember what we last saw of him.

She runs back to the main house, and the cook, who is Reggie's grandfather, is thrown through the window at her! He has been murdered! Murdered I tell you! She runs away.

Jason is slowly chasing her with his machete as she stumbles through the mud. He is about to kill her but then he is distracted by a tractor coming at him, operated by Reggie! Reggie actually runs him down with the tractor! It's actually a bulldozer. He bulldozed Jason!

He looks dead but then he grabs her leg. And then they run away.

A very exciting confrontation ensues in the nearby barn where they run. Jason slowly pursues them in there, and the woman comes at him with a chainsaw. They sort of swordfight but with chainsaw and machete.

Tommy, who has been we-don't-know-where, arrives and the dynamic changes because of the strange connection Jason and Tommy have. Or at least Tommy thinks they have a connection… Jason just walks up to him and slashes him with the machete.

Everyone moves up to the loft of the barn. Tommy looks very badly laid out, so between Reggie and the woman a big struggle happens. But it ends with Jason getting his hand chopped off by Tommy, and Jason falling onto the ground which has this odd grid of metal spikes that kill him just fine.

But! The mask comes off, and it isn't Jason! Isn't Jason at all! It's one of the men we've seen around, I forget who.

Oh, the next scene explains it all. It was "Roy". Roy was one of the cops, or paramedics (?), who responded to the weird axe murder of the Chocolate Smear kid. It turns out that he is the father of Chocolate Smear, and he did all the murders as a very unstable response to that. And The news clippings he was carrying out explain that he decided to make it look like a Jason murder spree.

The movie ends with Tommy having a dream about murdering the woman, waking up in a hospital room and having a Jason phantom vision, then looking at a hockey mask that is in a drawer of his hospital room's dresser! Then there is a quick final couple of shots that suggest that he has insanely put the hockey mask on and is gonna knife the woman when she enters the room to visit him. The credits roll as he's about to probably stab her.

So this was kind of hard to get through. I mean, they are all bad movies, and objectively it seems like number 4 was worse than this one. But I was less inclined than normal to fight through the disinterest. It's worth noting that they were clearly trying for some semblance of a "new beginning", and they even managed to make it that while also explaining how this is a continuation of the Jason story. And there was all the grisly death you could want, which is what we're here for in the first place. But none of the scares were good or memorable, and they're making no effort to one-up the earlier movies in terms of gore effects. And I really lost track of the characters. Except for the ones I hated.

(next: Friday the 13th Part VI - Jason Lives)

#friday the 13th

[miaiplier]

Friends from Dangerous Places

(Teamiplier x Reader) (ZomebieApocalyspeAU!)

Request: Zombie apocalypse with teamiplier and fellow survivor reader

A/N: I really loved writing this, it’s longer than I usually go, but I had a lot of fun thanks for requesting @belladonnachaos

This was it. Everything moved too quick. Your legs were about to give out, your hands were shaking, and there was a low hum in your ears. Adrenaline was the only thing keeping you from passing out at such a drastic injury. Every part of yourself was trying to run, but the exhaustion and pain you had were too much to bear. You were so close to just giving up, letting yourself go. You had run enough, fought enough. That’s what you were thinking just as a loud shot rang throughout the large store.

The huge disgusting beasts that were so close to ripping you to shreds turned their attention towards the newcomer. Giving you a sign of escape, yet at this point, the pain in your leg was so bad you had fallen to the ground. You clutched onto your bag for dear life as you tried to make a measly amount of progress at escaping. You could hear groans coming from the zombies and the sounds of slashing and gunshots. Bodies of the undead falling to the floor.

Suddenly a girl, ran up to you. You immediately pulled your empty gun, pretending it was loaded. You aimed it straight at her, she put her hands up “Hey it’s okay, it’s cool. I’m just trying to help you” she said. You didn’t budge trying to keep your hand from shaking or from gritting your teeth in pain. You kept a cold hard gaze as she continued to talk “your leg doesn’t look so good, can you walk?” She tried once again to get you to confide in her help. You stayed silent once again “I know you don’t want to, but you have to trust me, let me help you. Your leg is bad, you won’t get out of here alive please let me help you.” She was pleading for your cooperation, this stunned you almost everyone you had met since the apocalypse started was cold and selfish. “I’m Amy,” she said holding her hand out to you, hoping that if she introduced herself it would speed up this process. You looked over at the depleting hoard of zombies, noticing she was a part of a large group. You looked back to Amy, her eyes now held an urgency. You pulled the gun down slowly, tucking it into your waistband. You outstretched your hand and grasped hers “(Y/N)” You introduced yourself as she pulled you up to your feet. You shifted all your weight over to your good leg and Amy put her arm around her shoulders. “Nice to meet you (Y/N), I’ll get you out of here my friends can handle the rest” she spoke so nonchalant about everything that was happening.

You shuffled out avoiding the commotion and made your way to the exit. She set you down onto the cold ground earning a low groan from you and began inspecting your leg. “Why are you helping me?” You asked her. “Why not?” She said and you smiled a little at that. “Here I have a first aid kit,” you said rummaging around in your backpack. She smiled and began to stitch up the wound in your leg using the measly makeshift medical supplies. You looked around trying to distract yourself from the pain, seeing nothing around but trees and a long road. You turned to her, her hair was dark brown it hung against her face sweat evident on her brow. “Are you sure your friends are gonna to be okay? You can go help them you know” she shook her head in response “no they’ve got it, they can handle it” it took another few minutes for her to finish and although your leg was covered in dried blood it was closed. “Thank you, I’m sorry I was stubborn in the beginning,” you said as she was packing up the supplies. She smiled “it’s okay, we all have to be weary in this age.” She handled your stubborn nature with such ease you already knew you liked her.

The next thing you hear is Amy’s group coming out of the worn down store. The group consisted of three boys and two girls counting Amy. They wore smiles as if they hadn’t just faced a horde of dangerous zombies. The main dude who looked like the leader, jogged over to Amy and you “Hey Ames you good?” He checked on her, holding her hand as she smiled at him. “Yeah I’m fine I got (Y/N) out safe and I stitched her wound up” she explained and looked over to you. “(Y/N), this is Mark, my boyfriend” you smiled slightly “Hey, thanks for ya know saving me and stuff” “ah don’t worry about it, you good can you walk.” He held his hand out and you took it, he hoisted you up and you shifted in pain. But you managed and began a slow limp over to the others. “(Y/N) this is Tyler,” he said as he pointed to a tall dude with curly brown hair. He carried a bag on his back and his gun was tucked into his waist he waved slightly smiling. “Ethan” next Mark pointed to a shorter dude he seemed to be the youngest he had light brown hair and carried a large bat in his hands he gave you a large smile. “And Kathryn,” he said and pointed to a girl, she wore dark-rimmed glasses on her face, her hair was up in a loose ponytail and she had a literal ax in her hand. “It’s nice to meet you guys” you awkwardly greeted. It was a rush to be talking to some nice decent people, you had been on your own for a long time. “Thanks for saving me I really am grateful.” They all were being so generous they continuously brushed off any form of thanks even though you stubbornly persisted.

The group had insisted that you tag along with them to their camp to rest and heal. As you all made the journey they had explained their lives before the whole apocalypse. The group were all friends, they were popular on YouTube and were in L.A when the epidemic spread. You described your life before, telling them how you were at home when suddenly all the news outlets and social media told everyone to stay inside. It only caused more panic, you rushed out of the city first chance you got. It was weird how comfortable you were around these people with Ethan constantly making puns that would annoy Mark to no end. And Amy and Kathryn talking about all the embarrassing stories they have of the guys.

It was night now and Tyler had set a small campfire to keep warm “Hey (Y/N) so how did you get that cut on your leg anyway?” Ethan asked pointing to the stitched wound. “I was just trying to get some supplies ya know, I opened what I thought was a supply closet and got ambushed by a bunch of zombies. When I was running away I snagged my leg on some piece of glass and it cut pretty deep. Then I ran out of ammo so I couldn’t really do much else. I was lucky you guys came.” You said. Amy looks up suddenly from her place beside Mark. “Heeeey... YOU POINTED AN UNLOADED GUN ON ME!” She said realizing how you had tricked her. The group started laughing really hard, it was the hardest you had laughed in a while.

The apocalypse was still fucking awful but you had a new crew to hang with, they seemed nice and trustworthy. You were going to be staying with them for a while. It was nice to actually have some friends to stick by you now.

#teamiplier x reader #markiplier x reader #crankgameplays x reader #ethan nestor x reader #ethan x reader #amy nelson x reader #tyler scheid x reader #amyplier #kathryn x reader