#gracias deb!!! lo siento this was long

[mrs-lockley]

hi!!!!!!!!!!! 🍭 🤲 📡 and 🍉 for the writer ask!!!!!!!!!!!!

thank you darling! @evillkan

🍭why did you start writing?

Not to age myself, but I've been writing fanfiction on an old ancient website called ff.net when i was in junior high during my anime days 😭 but mostly I've always been a reader. I have a creative imagination, and I want to write a story that I would want to read because I want to create a world that resonates with people. I also get self-conscious of my writing sometimes because writing can be so vulnerable and shows what you yearn for, and there's a common theme in my fics that sometimes I cringe at because of how raw it can be. It's a way to express myself and my emotions, but it can also be healing.

🤲what do YOU get out of writing?

I love my readers who tell me their thoughts and reactions on my fics! But it's also cathartic and therapeutic- it's a way of putting myself into a world I want to live in. I say this about every fic I write, but each fic is an indulgent self-insert for me because what's wrong in wanting to live in a world where you're loved, flaws and all? It's a plus when I have readers who love my works, and I want people to often felt excluded from fics to be included, too. Particularly for WOC (I'm trying to get better at writing gender neutral fics). But as a Southeast Asian woman, I still find myself feeling alienated when reading WOC fics. That's mostly because I've got internalized racism and colorism I need to work on, because even when i find Asian reader fics, it's usually an East Asian reader and not Southeast Asian. So I want to create a space for people like me to feel included. Most of my fics are WOC-coded, but moving forward I'm going to try to make them more Southeast Asian-coded not only for myself, but for other SEA readers out there.

Plus, I like to add my take on certain characters! That's what makes them fun- we all see and love our favorite characters in a different way. I think you'll notice a theme in how I write my fics in how i perceive their love interests not that they're reflective of my type in men . Especially since I write for Latino characters, I try to be mindful of the stereotypes and steer away from that. Sometimes I myself get tired of seeing them written or interpreted a certain way when I see there's only one type of fic (no I will not elaborate, i'm not going to point any fingers) where they're stereotyped. i want to make them more nuanced, more soft, more vulnerable and human. I'm not perfect and I know I will make mistakes, but let men be soft. Let men be vulnerable and romantic, especially men of color.

📡why is writing and sharing your writing important for fandom?

I sort of touched upon this in my last answer, but I want to feel included. There's so much diversity in fandom and ofc sometimes you are only limited to what you know and your own personal experiences (my experience as a WOC is going to be different from other WOC, and as a SEA woman my experience is going to be different from South and East Asian women). It's a way for us to be seen and heard and for us to be loved, in my opinion. What's empowering for one person may not be the same for others. For example, I don't want to read a fic where the reader is female and can fight. It's not because I think it's a bad trope, but that's not empowering to me where WOC are always seen as the "tough" ones. Let WOC be diverse- let us be soft, let us be weak. As someone who also has a chronic illness and medical condition, I can't relate to fics where the reader is a badass agent (as much as I love them). And that's okay, because we all have our own stories and can share them. The more, the merrier! It's like an ice cream sundae- we all get ice cream but we customize it with our own toppings

🍉in what ways has writing helped you process trauma and/or navigate through your own life?

Now we don't have time to unpack all this 🤡🤡🤡 I'm a fairly private person, but I've been hurt before. There's a common theme in my fics where the reader is always hesitant to open up and love again. Actually i was rereading my first fic, Like Real People Do and even though I wrote that 3 years ago, I couldn't get over just how young i sounded because at that time, I was just recovering from a bad situationship. I thought I had everything together, but as you see my later fics, you see I'm a little messy. I want to be vulnerable but i'm scared of what that will entail. A friend of mine read excerpts from LRPD and compared it to a clip I wrote in Where the Spirit Meets the Bones, and told me that LRPD reads like first, young love, but WSMB reads like someone who has been hurt but is willing to try again. I think that's reflective of where I'm at in my life right now because I pour a piece of myself into each reader, but I'll leave that up to you to decide.

Plus I don't think I can top that line in LRPD, that's the most romantic thing I've written

#gracias deb!!! lo siento this was long