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jjhallisey · 6 months

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Sacred Bonds - Ch. 1

Pairing: John "Soap" MacTavish x fem!Reader

CW: Non-Con, Torture, Konig as the bad guy

Word Count: 1,326

A/N: Hihi everyone! This was posted on AO3 on Monday (I didn't have tumblr then, whoops). So if you've seen it already on there, yay! Otherwise, I hope you enjoy it.

Ch. 2

As your eyes fluttered open, you attempted to move, but couldn't. A panic begins to flow through your body as your eyes search the dark, empty room around you - empty except for one person. You could just barely make out the figure as it walked up to you, seeing that you were finally awake. "Tsk tsk tsk, kleine maus," a thick Austrian accent echoes through the room.

As the figure gets closer, you can see the faint glint of a knife being twirled between his fingers. A piece of fabric with eye holes cut out covered his face. You recognize this man, you've heard of him before. He went by the name König. He was an operative for KorTac, and had taken an entire Al-Qatala cell out on his own.

"You've gotten yourself into deep scheiße, it seems," he knelt to be eye level with you, dragging the cold blade of the knife across your arm lightly. Goosebumps developed in its wake as your nerves tingled, your panic only growing. You attempt to struggle against the restraints that held you into the cold, metal chair. You get nowhere, only realizing the bare skin of your thighs was sticking to the seat. You glance down for a moment, slightly confused. You were only wearing a shirt and underwear, no pants. What happened to your pants? Why were you in front of this monster without pants on?

The sharp tip of his knife was quickly pressed against your chin, digging in just slightly as König forced you to look at him. "Answer truthfully and we won't have any problems, ja?" his blue eyes bore into you like lasers. He knew you were going to put up a fight, and that would only make this far more fun for him. You nod, just barely though, so that the knife wouldn't dig further into your chin.

"Tell me, schatz, where is Soap?" König had leaned down to whisper in your ear. His hot breath licking over your jaw and neck, sending waves of panic through your entire body. He kept the knife on your chin though, the blade now digging in just enough for you to feel blood starting to trail down your neck.

You stay silent, regardless of the pain. You were determined not to reveal any information about Soap, or the rest of your team.

König moves the knife to your arm, the sharp blade digging in. Thin streams of blood flow down your arm as a searing pain rips through your body. "Where is Soap?" he repeats himself, his tone becoming more impatient. "If you don't tell me, this won't end well for you, kleine maus."

"Well, I'm not going to tell you," you spat back. You could tell he was getting angry by the way his brows furrowed over his eyes, even if you couldn't see the rest of his face.

König's hand was around your throat, the knife still digging into the skin on your arm, except now he began to drag it downwards. Prickles of searing pain shot through your bicep and up through your collarbone. "The quicker you tell me, the less pain you'll be put through, schatz."

König's grip tightens on your throat as you don't respond. You gasp for air, barely taking in enough to keep you conscious. He lifts the knife from your skin, placing it in a sheath on his belt. The hand that was holding it moved to your thigh, his gloved hand feeling rough on your bare skin. He looked at you expectantly, tilting his head slightly as if to coax a response from you.

"How long has it been since you've eaten, kleine?" König asks, his hand trailing up your thigh. He made you squirm against your restraints, the zip ties digging into the sensitive skin of your wrists. "If you talk, you can eat," his head straightens, and his eyes bore into yours once more.

"I won't break, not even for food," you hiss in return.

"I think I know what will make you break, though," he growls. His hand moves from your thigh to your panties, rubbing your sensitive spot through the thin fabric.

You struggle even harder against the restraints. His hand around your throat feeling even tighter than before, despite the lack of movement from that hand. Your breathing speeds up as you try and take in enough oxygen.

"Stop," you groan through gritted teeth. The way you felt your core responding - the pleasure that is silently coursing through your body. You feel disgusted by it. You try and think of anything other than his touch.

His fingers pull the band around your waist away from your flesh. You squirm harder, trying to do everything you can to get him away from you, but your efforts fail. His fingers trail down your delicate flesh, and you feel the rough fabric of his glove come to rest on your clit.

"Tell me where Soap is, and this can all stop, schatz." he practically purrs in your ear. He was enjoying this, watching you squirm at his touch. Knowing that despite the fact you didn't want him touching you like this, pleasure was still coursing through your body.

"I'm not te- " before you can even get your words out, his finger begins to circle around your clit. A groan escapes your lips involuntarily, your eyes meeting his with nothing but hatred.

He adjusts his hand so his thumb is working your sensitive bundle of nerves. His pointer finger dipping lower to spread your lips apart.

"Look how wet you are for me, schatz." The smirk could be heard in his voice. "You may not want this, but your body does. When was the last time someone touched you like this? How long has it been since you've felt a man inside you?"

"That's none of your business," you hiss.

You feel his hand recede from your neck, but then a sharp shooting pain graces your cheek. He had hit you.

"You're going to regret your words, kleine maus," König growls through gritted teeth.

His hand draws away from your clit, and you find your body aching for more. Your hips instinctively following his hand as it leaves.

"Don't worry, maus, you'll be getting more soon," He chuckles, sounding almost pleased with himself.

He pulls the knife back out from his belt, cutting you free from your restraints. Before you can run, though, his hands are on your hips. His fingers digging into your skin to hold you in place. This man was stronger than you had ever experienced.

You felt his hand return to your neck, pushing you to the ground on your knees. He was behind you now. The sound of his belt buckle coming undone, quickly followed by the sound of a zipper made you realize exactly what was about to happen next. Tears began to well in your eyes as you felt the fabric of your underwear being ripped away from your skin.

"You have one final chance to tell me where Soap is, schatz." he warns.

His hand tightened around your throat, causing you to choke out sobs. "H-He..." As you begin to talk, the grip on your throat lightens. "He's in the United States..." you manage to get out, your tears dripping onto the concrete below you. "He's meeting with General Shepherd personally."

It was a lie, all of it was a lie. But you weren't going to let König get any further with you. You couldn't. Not again.

"Good maus," König purrs in your ear. "I've gotten what I need so far, but don't think I'm done with you."

His hand stays on your throat as he leads you back to your cell. He throws you inside, causing you to land on your ass. A chuckle escapes his throat as the cell door slams shut. The thud of his heavy boots disappearing into the distance.

#john soap mactavish #john soap mctavish x reader #konig cod #halliseywritessoap #halliseyposts

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jjhallisey · 6 months

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Sacred Bonds Masterpost

Pairings: John "Soap" MacTavish x fem!Reader

You were his best friend since childhood. He was your rock. What happens when the world around you seems to come crumbling down?

Reader Background: You're an American, but your dad was stationed on a military base in the UK for as long as you can remember. You met Johnny one day during a trip to Scottland with your sister and have been practically inseparable from him since. You've both been through hell and back together. When Johnny decided (despite his multiple attempts to sneak in) to enlist, you moved back to America for a while to do so yourself. Johnny may or may not have spoke super highly of you to Price, Laswell, and Shepherd and that's how you ended up as Task Force 141's close quarters combat specialist.

Updated: Mondays & Thursdays

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

#john soap mactavish #john soap mctavish x reader #halliseyposts #halliseywritessoap

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jjhallisey · 6 months

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Sacred Bonds - Ch. 3

Pairing: John "Soap" MacTavish x fem!Reader

CW: none for this chapter!

Word Count: 1,118

A/N: Sorry for not posting this yesterday!

Ch. 2 Ch. 4

The office you sat in was cold, isolated. You felt an uncomfortable tension hanging in the air around you. A middle-aged woman in a blouse sat across the wooden table from you, glasses perched on her nose as she studied your file.

"How do you feel about your most recent mission," her voice cuts through the air like a dagger.

You hesitate in responding, thinking over exactly how you were going to reply. You knew this interview was meant to be difficult. It was meant to pick your brain and get you to respond with your true feelings.

"If I'm being... honest," you take a deep, shaky breath before continuing. "I didn't like it at all. But would you like it if you were held captive? If you felt a knife digging into your skin over and over again? If you were starved? If you were raped nearly every day in an effort to get information?"

The woman's features stayed focused, jotting down notes on a legal pad in her lap. "Did you divulge information?"

"If I did, would I be here in front of you?" you say coldly, your eyes flickering up to her before meeting the table again.

"You could've lied to Price, told him that you didn't. You could've divulged information to KorTac, and yet come back here and act like nothing ever happened." the woman's eyes looked at you from behind her glasses. Calm and calculated, that was the exact opposite of what you were right now.

"Do you really fucking think that I would put my best friend, my team, in that sort of danger?" you stand up yelling. The wooden chair you were sitting in screeches across the floor for a few inches, before falling to the ground with a gentle thud.

"(y/n), please." the woman sighs as her eyes meet yours.

"No." your brows furrow in frustration. "No, you don't get to call me by my name. Nobody gets to call me by my name." you hiss through gritted teeth.

"It says in your file that Sergeant MacTavish calls you by your name," the woman says matter-of-factly.

"Johnny is my best friend. I have known him since I was eight. Of course he calls me by my fucking name. He's the only one that knows it besides you desk jockeys." you growl.

"What did you tell König?" the woman asks, trying to redirect the conversation.

"That Soap was in America. Meeting with General Shepherd face to face. König somehow bought it. I don't know why, or how, but he did." You respond, shaking your head slightly.

"So," the woman pauses. "You put one of America's most elite military members in danger to save the life of a mere Sergeant?"

You scoff at her evaluation of the situation. "Do you even understand how the military works?" You put your hands on the table, leaning across it so your staring directly into her eyes. "General Shepherd is at the Pentagon which I dunno if you realized, is one of the most well protected military installations in America. He has leagues of armored men and women at his disposal to protect him. Soap has us. A group of maybe 4 people to be around him if he gets attacked. I think I weighed my options pretty well when I lied,"

"Why do you call him Soap if you've known him since childhood? Why not call him John? Or as you called him earlier, Johnny?" the woman prods.

"I keep work and personal life separate. We both do. It was an agreement we made when joining the Task Force together. One Captain Price is well aware of." You explain, standing up straight and crossing your arms over your chest.

"Well, thank you for your time." the woman says before standing up and walking out of the room, cutting the interview short.

You let out a huff of air, adjusting the weight between the balls of your feet and allowing your arms to fall to your sides. You knew that this interview was going to dictate whether you stayed in the Task Force. Whether you were even allowed to stay in the military.

"Hey, kid." Price's voice echoes down the hallway as you walk out of the interview room. "Can you come to my office?"

You let out a gentle sigh before turning on your heels to walk towards him. "What is it captain?" you ask hesitantly as the distance between the two of you lessens.

He motions his head for you to follow him into his office. When you walk in the atmosphere feels... different. The smell of cigar smoke fills the air, but there's a tension that was never there before between you and Price.

"You wanted to talk to me, sir?" You ask hesitantly as you sit in the chair in front of his desk.

He takes a moment to sit in his own chair before meeting his gaze to yours. "I heard your little blow up in the interview."

"Sir, it's not what it sounded like."

"I know it's not what it sounded like, kid. That doesn't mean I didn't hear it. Is there going to be an issue between you and Johnny that I need to curb now?"

You lean back in the chair and let out a sigh, your gaze moving to the front of his desk. "No sir, you know we keep our work and private life separate."

"Good, if the report comes back and you're to stay with us, I'll be putting you on mandatory leave for a few months anyway, okay? You need time to recover."

You sit up straight once you hear was Price said, your brows furrowing in frustration. "I want to be part of the mission where we take down that bastard sir."

"I know you do kid, but I can't allow that to happen."

"Why not?"

Price lets out a sigh as he leans back in his chair. He opens his cigar humidor and pulls one out. He prepares it and lights it before taking a long drag. "You know it'll be a conflict of interest. That if you go, it'll be far too complicated. There will be a heightened sense of risks." He exhales, letting the hazy smoke fill the air.

"But I want to take that bastard down myself."

"Like I said, I know you do kid. But please trust me on this one,"

"Yes sir," You let out a gentle sigh as you adjust your weight in your seat. "Is that all you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Yes, you may be dismissed," Price responds.

You stand up, giving him a nod goodbye, before walking out of his office.

#john soap mactavish #john soap mctavish x reader #halliseywritessoap #halliseyposts

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jjhallisey · 6 months

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Sacred Bonds - Ch. 2

Pairings: John "Soap" MacTavish x fem!Reader

CW: Smut

Word Count: 2,667

A/N: Soap is here to save the day. Woo. Please, pretty pretty please, ignore my absolutely awful attempt at making Johnny's accent come out in the text.

Ch. 1 Ch. 3

It was a mission gone wrong. your team was clearing a building, and everything had been routine. At least, it was until it wasn't. The enemy ambushed you, separating you from the rest of your team, and the last think you remember before being captured was screaming for Soap.

The following week had been the worst week of your life. The enemies were doing everything and anything they could to get information from you - information you didn't want to divulge. Cuts littered your skin, your stomach rumbled, and you didn't even want to focus on the pain you felt in your groin.

As you sat in the dirty cell, you had given up hope of anyone from the 141 coming for you. But then you heard it, someone calling your name. Not your callsign, but your name. Only one person in Task Force 141 knew your name.

"(y/n)!" An all too familiar Scottish accent rang through the hallway.

It was Soap.

"You came?" you asked hesitantly as he stops in front of your cell, his hands fumbling with the lock. Were you dreaming? No, you had to be hallucinating. Why would Soap come? It had to be something your mind was making up after König's interrogation.

"Ye called fo' me, darlin'," he says with a soft smile as he finally opens the door of the cell. He walked over to where you sat on the floor. He kneeled so you were at eye level with each other. His blue eyes seemed to sparkle even in the dim lighting of the cell.

"You're... real right?" you ask, your voice shaking. You could feel small tears fall from the corner of your eyes as they flickered across his frame, up and down.

"Aye, am real, don't worry." Soap nods, letting a gentle chuckle escape his throat. His hand reaches out, resting on your cheek. His thumb caressed your skin softly, careful to avoid the cut you had there. "It's really me. I'm here to bust ya out. We're gonna get outta here, I promise."

Soap's touch makes you jump slightly, but only for a moment. When you realize he's real - that this is the Johnny you've known your entire life - you relax. This was the first comforting touch you had felt in what seemed like forever. "You got a gun for me?" You ask in return. You may have been skittish, but you still had enough of your senses to fight, and you weren't going to let him fight out of there alone.

Soap reached behind his back, pulling a handgun from his belt for you. "Here," he says calmly. You could tell his eyes averted to the ground for a moment, trying his best to hide his concern.

As you take the gun, you feel your hands tremble for a moment, getting used to the weight. You hadn't eaten in days, so holding the usually light pistol felt like a chore, but you were determined.

"Let's get out of here, shall we?" you ask quietly, knowing you had to save any further interaction between you and Soap until you were safe.

Soap nods in return, his expression turning serious. He helps you stand up, his 6'2" frame towering over yours. "Let's head out then," he says quietly in return. He smiles at you for just a moment, offering a small glimmer of hope and reassurance.

- - -

You and Soap sat quietly in his room. Tears streaming down your cheeks as you recalled each even that happened during your captivity. "I was... beginning to lose hope," you mumbled quietly through choked sobs. "That you - or anyone from the 141 would come."

Soap's bright blue eyes were filled with concern, your tears and shaky voice breaking his heart. His hand reaches for your cheek, resting his hand on it gently. "I wasn't gunna leave ye wi' them fo' even a moment longer," he says with a whisper, his voice full of gentle conviction. He offers reassuring smile before pulling you into a gentle hug.

For a moment, just like earlier in the cell, your body tenses at his touch. Your brain takes a moment to calm down, realizing that he wasn't going to hurt you or rape you as you captors had. After a few seconds, you allow yourself to fully relax in his arms, a weight lifting off your shoulders and making it easier for you to breathe. Your head buries into his chest, choked sobs still wracking your frame. You grip onto his shirt like he's the only thing keeping you afloat in a turbulent sea. "Thank you," you whisper out, your voice cracking. It was stupid of you to think Soap wouldn't come - he was your best friend. He always came for you, regardless of how dangerous the situation was. It had been that way since you were kids.

"O' course," he whispers. His hand rubbed your back gently, his touch sending shivers down your spine. "Ye're safe noo..." he continues, kissing the top of your head. His touch was gentle and tender, as if he was trying to get rid of the horrors and trauma of your captivity.

"I..." you pause for a moment, glancing up at him. Every scene of him protecting you, caring for you even at your lowest points, of loving you flashes through your head. You realized that you didn't want to leave this earth without admitting your true feelings towards him. And yet, you almost had. Had he not found where you were, had he not rescued you from captivity, your true feelings for him would have been lost with you. "I... I love you Johnny," you whisper, your voice shaking and just barely audible. You look away from him, staring at the wall, the dresser, the closet door, anywhere but him because you don't want to see the look on his face if he dares to say he doesn't love you back.

Soap glances down at you, pondering his thoughts for a moment. You feel his finger hook under your chin gently, right under where König's knife had dug into your skin. He guides your head towards him, so your gazes meet. "I love ye n'all," he says, his Scottish accent making his words even more tender. He moves his hand to cup your cheek, gently stroking it with his thumb. "I hev ever since we wis kids," he whispers.

"Since we were kids?" you asked hesitantly. Your childhood was rough, with an abusive father and absent mother. The first time you met Soap was when your father was stationed at Menwith Hill, in the United Kingdom. Your older sister would take you on weekend trips to Scotland, and it was on one of these trips that you two crossed paths, becoming inseparable since. The rest of your childhood was too traumatic, so you tried to block most of it from your memories, but you remembered everything about Soap. He was your rock through everything, the one person you knew you could go to regardless of the situation. He was even the reason you enlisted in the military in the first place - the reason you had become part of Task Force 141.

"Aye," he nods. His bright blue eyes meeting yours again with a softened gaze. "I loved ye ever since we wis just small wee ones," his lips curl into a soft smile as his eyes sparkle. He leans in, closing the small distance between you two, but wants you to make the first move on your terms.

You gulp slightly, hesitating for only a moment before pressing your lips against his. Your arms move to wrap around his neck loosely. After a few moments, you pull away, your eyes meeting his. "You've been my everything for so long... I just never took the time to think about how deep those feelings went..." you whisper.

Soap puts a finger to your lips to quiet you for a moment, "I could tell by your eyes," a smile tugs at the corners of his lips.

"You knew before I did," you whisper in return. Had he known this the entire time? Had he known your true feelings for him, even when you didn't?

"Aye," he nods, gently rubbing his thumb on your cheek. "But I wis waiting for ye tae catch up," a small chuckle escapes his throat. His eyes bore into yours with nothing but love and adoration. "Dae ye want tae catch up noo?"

You nod and climb into his lap, pressing your lips to his once more. You let a hand trail up his neck to interlace with the little bit of hair on his mohawk, the other resting on his chest. You felt his growing hardness underneath you, only causing you to kiss him more fervently.

You were just rescued from captors who had raped you multiple times, and yet here you were, wanting nothing more than the man in front of you. It felt wrong, you needed his touch to be repulsing right now, right? For the feeling between your legs, of both his and your arousal to make you feel disgusting, right? But it was the exact opposite, you wanted to feel him explore your body like it was your first time making love again.

He pulls back from the kiss, breathing heavily for a moment. "God damn it," he whispers, his voice now a soft growl. His lips move to your neck, kissing and nibbling gently, careful to not disrupt any of the cuts on your skin. Your breath hitches in your throat as you grip his shirt softly, letting your head fall to the side. "Dae ye ken whit I wuid love tae dae reit noo?" he groans as he pauses the assault on your neck for a moment.

"I have an idea," you purr as you let your hand run down his chest, resting just above his belt line.

"I've bin dying tae dae 'is fo' years," he whispers in your ear. "And am gunna mek it count..."

"Gentle though," you respond softly, your heart pounding as he lays you back on the bed. "They... they were rough with me," you say hesitantly. As much as you wanted Soap right now, you knew you still had a thin barrier of your fresh trauma.

"I ken, darlin'. A'll be gentle, don't worry," he says softly. He works his knee under your leg, pushing it up so it's bent to the side as he presses his lips to yours again. "We can take it as fast or as slow as ye want, okay? I want 'is tae be eh best experience fo' both o' us," a small smile tugs at the corners of his lips as his bright blue eyes look at you with concern and care. You can tell that he truly loves you an wants to make you happy.

Your hands trail down his back as his lips move to your neck once more. His hands trail under your shirt, and for a moment he pauses, feeling the true extent of the cuts that covered your body. He looks to you, only for you to nod, okaying him to continue. He lets his hands graze over your breasts for a moment, before gently lifting your torso from the bed to pull off your shirt.

A light blush covers your face as your bare chest is exposed to him for the first time. He kisses a trail from your neck to your right breast, gently taking your nipple into his mouth and flicking his tongue across it.

“Ye're no' doing any work tonight,” he groans huskily against your nipple, eliciting a moan from you. He moves to your left breast now, giving attention to it as well, rolling your nipple between his lips before flicking his tongue across it as well.

He began to pepper kisses down your stomach, glancing up at you as he got to the waistline of your sweatpants. You look down at him noticing he had stopped, and nod, giving him consent to move further. With a swift movement, he pulls off your sweatpants and underwear in one go, tossing them on the ground beside the bed.

His arms hook under your legs, pushing them to either side as he begins to kiss and nibble up your thigh. The closer he got, the more you felt your desire for him growing, until his lips finally connect with your clit. Your breath hitches in your throat for a moment before you let out a moan, your hand moving to the back of his head.

His tongue flicks over the sensitive bundle of nerves a few times before moving to your entrance. He licks from it to your clit, making sure to circle the bud after each pass. As the feeling of your pleasure grows in your stomach, he stops, earning a quiet whine from you.

“Don’t worry darlin’,” he huffs, pulling his own clothes off. Your eyes scan his body, though, it’s not like you haven’t seen him shirtless before. What you haven’t seen, however, was his thick member, and you let your eyes linger on it for a few moments before looking back up at him. A smirk crossed his face as he watched you take in his physique. “Ye lek whit ye see?” He asks, obviously feeling confident in himself at that moment.

As you nod, he leans over you, kissing from your neck, along your jawline, and to your lips. This time, his tongue pushed past them, allowing you to taste yourself mingled amongst his saliva. When he pulls back, he lines himself up with your entrance, and you nod, knowing he wouldn’t enter until you did.

He takes it slow, thrusting a few inches at a time, allowing you to adjust. At first, your fight or flight kicks in, your hands moving to his chest quickly, but then a wave of pleasure overcomes you, and you allow yourself to close your eyes and enjoy the moment.

Once he sees that you’re settled in, he begins to thrust slowly and rhythmically, managing to find your sensitive spot almost right away. Your arms wrap around his torso as moans escape each time he hits it. It doesn’t take long for the feeling of pleasure to grow in your stomach again and you pant out “faster.”

He gladly obliges, picking up his pace. You feel his head move to your neck, his breath caressing your skin as he peppers kisses along your neck and shoulder.

“God ye ur such a good girl,” Soap groans, his pace quickening just barely.

Your muscles tense as your orgasm grows closer, and soon you feel the point of no return. “Johnny, don’t stop,” you pant out. He nods against your neck, continuing with his speed and depth. After a few more thrusts, your nails dig into his back, waves of pleasure overcoming you, and you can’t help but moan his name.

“Good girl,” he coos again, continuing to thrust into you until he begins to reach his own orgasm. “In or oot?” He asks, kisses peppering your neck and shoulder again.

“In,” You pant, still high from the waves of pleasure consuming you.

He nods, quickening his pace slightly, and within a few seconds, he thrusts deep into you, holding himself there. You can feel thick ropes of his seed filling you as he leans down to kiss you, his hands moving to your hips to hold you there for a few more seconds.

As he pulls back from the kiss, he pulls out of you, lying beside you on the bed. You cuddle up to him, your head on his chest as his hand moves to intertwine gently with your hair, rubbing your head.

“Wis 'at okay, darlin’?” he asks, his bright blue eyes looking down at you as he breathes heavily.

“That was perfect,” you respond, letting an arm drape over his torso.

#john soap mactavish #john soap mctavish x reader #halliseywritessoap #halliseyposts

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jjhallisey · 6 months

Text

Sacred Bonds - Ch. 4

Pairings: John "Soap" MacTavish x fem!Reader

CW: mention of non-con

Word Count: 1,321

A/N: Chapter a day early because I finally finished it and wanted to get it out! I hope you all enjoy it, and I seriously am sorry for my awful interpretation of his Scottish accent.

Ch. 3 Ch. 5

"Mandatory leave, can you believe it?" You say, anger tinging your voice. "I deserve to be out there fighting with you guys, not sitting back here in Scotland with my hand up my arse."

"I ken darlin'," Johnny's voice crackles through the phone. "But I kind o' agree wi' Price on 'is one. Ye need eh break, an seeing eh psychiatrist is good fo' ye."

"She's a royal pain in my arse, Johnny. Emotions this, trauma that. She won't let me deal with my shit in the way I need to deal with it. Which is being out there with you guys."

"Look, I get ye're feeling left oot, I dae. Especially since we're goin' after König 'is next mission, but ye need tae at least try," Johnny pleads, though it falls on deaf ears.

"Wait, what? You guys are going after König?" You exclaim. "No, you can't! Not you, he's looking for you Johnny. Why is Price letting you go if I can't?"

For a moment it feels as though your world has stopped. Every possible worst case scenario running through your head. What if Johnny doesn't come back? It would break you, knowing that you could have been there to prevent it, had you not been put on this stupid mandatory leave by Price. Quickly though, you're snapped out of your thoughts as Johnny begins to talk again.

"Am goin' because we need as many men as possible oan 'is, darlin'. I ken there's a risk, and I promise ye 'at I will dae my best tae come home tae ye," There was an edge to Johnny's voice - as if he knew this was essentially a suicide mission for him. Though you knew he was thoroughly sincere in promising he would try to come home to you. A small pang of guilt filled your chest at those words - you should be there fighting beside him. You always were, and now you wouldn't be.

You rolled over onto your back, letting the comfort of Johnny's bed envelop you, hoping it would help quell your boiling emotions. Since you arrived home, you had slept in his bed every night, in fact, any time you weren't out of the apartment, you were in his bed. Even to the point where you moved the television from the living room to his bedroom. Some might say it's depression, but to you, you were just finding comfort in the one thing that could calm you regardless of your emotions - Johnny.

"I'm going to call Price. I need to be there Johnny. If something happened to you, I would blame myself." You finally respond after a few moments of silence. Tears began to prick at your eyes as the risk of this mission finally settled onto you.

"Darlin' I can't stop ye, but just ken 'at it's safer fo' everyone if ye stay home." Johnny says, letting out a soft sigh of defeat.

"I love you, and I miss you. So so much." You huff out, blinking back the tears before they can fall down your cheeks.

"I love ye n'all, darlin'. I miss ye beyond belief, it's no' eh same without ye here. But ye need to heal. A'll talk tae ye later, okay?" Johnny responds, knowing he can't stop you from making the call to Price.

"Alright, call me before you leave for the mission please,"

"I will,"

The gentle click of the call ending causes you to let out a deep sigh you didn't even know you were holding in. You pulled your phone away from your ear and sat up, scrolling your contacts until you found Price's. Your fingers lingered over the dial button, wondering if you should even call him. Though, your determination to get back into the field won. You needed to be on this mission with Johnny, and you had to convince Price of that too.

Not long after hitting the dial button, the line picks up.

"Hey, how are you doing kid?" Price's voice rings through the phone.

"Good, I guess." You mumble, letting out a quiet sigh. "However, I just got off of the phone with Johnny."

"He told you we're going after König, didn't he?" The disappointment in Price's voice seeped through the phone, as if Johnny wasn't supposed to tell you in the first place.

"Yes! I should be there for it captain, really. It's not fair."

"Life's not fair kid. You need to take the time to heal, to properly cope with what happened."

"But going on the mission with you guys would help me heal."

"No, it wouldn't. You know that better than I do kid. Seeing the man who tortured you, who raped you, that wouldn't help you heal."

"Seeing him brought in bound by cuffs sure would."

An audible sigh escaped Price. You had always been hard headed. Feisty was the term Price liked to use when 141 was joking around as a group. "I'm not changing my mind kid, I can promise you that."

"Fine," you grumble. "Just... try and make sure Johnny comes home to me please."

"You know I'll try my best kid, but I can't make any promises."

"Promises get you killed," you drone in response. It was something both Price and Ghost had drilled into your head. Promising someone you would come home - bringing that emotional stress onto the battlefield, it burdens you.

A burden that can get you killed. A burden that could make you spill secrets if captured in enemy hands. A burden that neither you nor Johnny carried, until today.

"Glad you understand, kid." Price replies. "We'll talk later, once you're cleared to come back."

With that, the line goes dead. You fall back onto the bed, letting out a heavy sigh. You spent the rest of the night staring at the ceiling until you fell asleep.

- - -

It had been a few months since you last heard from any of the boys. Though, that was expected, Johnny told you it was going to be a long mission. König was good at hiding, and even better at fighting if he was about to get caught. Though, today, the ringing of your phone pulled you out of your sleep. Groggily, you rolled over and picked up your phone off the nightstand. It took your eyes a minute to adjust to the bright screen, but you saw it was Simon. You didn't hesitate to press answer, bringing the phone to your ear.

"Ghost?" You croak out, your voice hoarse and your mouth feeling like cotton.

"Johnny's MIA," a shaky voice says from the other end of the phone. There wasn't the familiar muffle from his mask, it wasn't Ghost making this call, it was Simon.

"What do you mean Johnny's MIA?" You question, your heart beginning to pound against your chest.

"We were pinned down in a fire fight with KorTac. Price and Johnny got hit. We were able to get Price out, but Johnny..." Simon trailed off, not wanting to finish the sentence himself.

"They got Johnny." You finish instead, your voice wavering as tears began to prick at your eyes.

There was a silence of understanding between the two of you. It felt like your whole world was being ripped apart. Like your heart was being ripped from your chest at that very moment. The weight that crushed down on you was like a boulder, rolling across your entire body until you felt like you couldn't move. You couldn't blink back the tears, you couldn't even attempt to contain them as they began to pour down your cheeks.

"When am I picking you up from the airport?" Simon asks quietly.

You take a moment to respond, trying to sniffle back the sobs you wanted to let out. "I'll be on the first flight available. I'll text you when I know an exact time." Your voice was barely audible before you hung up the phone.

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