#he wants to be proper and gentlemanly and sure still sometimes eat some trash

[sarcasticsra]

I’ve had so many thoughts about Rue but let’s talk about our heartbreaking little bugbear

Hob’s actions and motivations all make 100% sense and nothing he’s doing is wrong, but it is tragic as hell. He’s surviving in a court where he doesn’t fit in as best as he can, and he’s done that by pushing down his own desires and needs. He can’t conceptualize self worth outside of his service to his court because his “self” is not considered ideal for his court - that was made pretty clear when he identified with what Rue was saying about not belonging, “to have the only root you have not feed you”

He doesn’t prioritize his service to the goblin court because he’s happy there, he’s internalized that service to the goblin court is all he’s good for, that he’s broken or wrong for being the way he is, so he has to make up for it by being of use

There’s a line in the song “Surface Pressure” from Encanto that is Hob in a nutshell:

“I’m pretty sure I’m worthless if I can’t be of service.”

I don’t fault Hob for any of his actions - I mostly just want to give him a hug. It’s all coming from a place of trauma, because of course the goblin court was happy to take advantage of a competent soldier willing to prostrate himself at their feet if only he might be considered good and useful

He just isn’t acting out of a healthy sense of camaraderie and being part of something - he’s acting out of the deep, terrible fear that since he’s no good at being like the other goblins, if he’s not dedicating his life to serving them, what’s even the point of him?

And I do and will absolutely hate and fault the goblin court for doing this to him, for fomenting those feelings, all because they wanted a little more fucking status

#like it’s pretty clear he is an Outsider #that has been made apparent from the beginning #he is a goblin and has some goblin traits but he is still different enough to feel deep isolation #’as far away from the goblin rumpus as he could get’ #hob would benefit from dismantling the courts just as much if not more than rue #but because he has no sense of self outside service it’s impossible for him to see #hob’s relationship with service and his court is deeply fucked #he wants to be proper and gentlemanly and sure still sometimes eat some trash #he’s gotta heal enough to realize he can do all those things #and he sure as fuck doesn’t need the goblin court’s permission #acofaf spoilers #acofaf #a court of fey and flowers #captain k.p. hob #battlemaster of ceremonies #why do i have so many feelings about a bugbear and an owlbear and their complex emotional bonds and traumas #i’m just going to wallow in these feelings for a while #ahhhhhhhhhhhh