#he's a bit less uh. . talkative here than other drabbles im thinking this is earlier on in their friendship

[alchemania]

Be At Rest (Both Soul and Body)

Furina barely, if ever, caught Wanderer sleeping. He was always on the move, often whizzing by in a blue and white blur - or simply blending in with the crowds in Sumeru, allowing himself to sink into the sea of people around him.

So when she found him resting in the forest with a rather rotund bird on his head, the sight had her speechless for a good few moments. Not wanting to disturb his peace, Furina tiptoed closer and sat next to him as quietly as possible, folding her hands over her lap as she observed the sky- the clouds drifted lazily overhead, and she found herself relaxing, the air calm and warm. Looking back over to her companion, Furina wondered if he was truly sleeping, or just resting. Curious, she lifted a finger and gently poked his cheek, and an indigo eye opened instantly.

"What," he said, voice heavy with weariness.

"Were you sleeping?"

And just like that, the slight irritation she'd come to know shone through in his gaze. "I was TRYING to. Before somebody decided to bother me."

"..ah, sorry. I can lea-"

"I didn't ask you to go," he went on, closing his eye again and shifting so he was on his back. "As long as you stay quiet, it's fine." He folded his hands over his belly then, sighing, and Furina couldn't help but giggle - he looked like a little tired old man, and he acted about as crabby as one sometimes too, honestly. "The hell is so funny?"

"You look like a little old man," the white haired girl grinned, more giggles bubbling out of her, and the offense on Wanderer's face was palpable.

"I do not."

"You act like one, too. Crabby little guy who pretends he doesn't like anyone -"

"I don't pretend not to like people," he countered.

"..okay, but you do care a lot more than you let on."

".. I didn't know this was a character evaluation," Wanderer deadpanned, but the way his voice softened let Furina know she wasn't far off track.

"S'not a bad thing to care, you know."

A pause.

".. I know. A heart is a very heavy burden to carry though, sometimes. Almost too heavy."

"I think that's what makes us human though," the girl replied gently, also shifting so she was laying a few feet away from the young man. "The weight of - feeling, of loving, and holding things dear to us, and hurting when they're gone- that's a part of living."

"..hm."

"And yeah, hearts are a very heavy burden. But you don't have to carry it alone, either. Remember that." Furina looked up to the sky again, folding her hands over her breast, and Wanderer looked to her briefly with an unreadable (but visibly softer) expression before closing his eyes once more. A comfortable silence fell, and the warmth of the sun had Furina taken by slumber before she knew it.

When she woke up, the stars had already started to twinkle in the sky, and the girl sat up, slightly discombobulated. Sniffling, she rubbed at her eyes to wipe away her weariness, and then froze in her tracks when something akin to a sob broke the silence. For a moment, she thought she had imagined it, but then it came again, louder, and she turned to her companion, crawling over on her hands and knees. "Wanderer...?"

He didn't answer, but the tears rolling down his cheeks told her everything she needed to know. "Oh..." Furina's heart clenched, and she gently placed a hand to his back. "Hey ..hey, it's okay, it's just a dream, you're alright." Carefully, she reached out her free hand and patted him gently on the cheek, hoping to rouse him- if he was crying, his nightmare must be something awful. "Come on. Wake up."

Wanderer stirred, but did not wake, and to her shock, he began to mumble in his slumber:

"Please don't leave...don't leave me behind...."

"I'm not going anywhere," Furina assured.

"Mother," Wanderer begged, tears falling faster. "I'll do anything, just don't leave me here alone -"

Oh.

"Wake up," Furina pleaded, shaking him harder, and he did, taking a sharp gasp and settling into raggedly breathing. Wanderer looked around frantically, not quite awake yet, and she took his hand, to ground him. "You're okay. It was just a dream, it's alright -" the young man stiffened once he seemed to realize she was there, freezing up like a startled cat who had just been cornered.

"What - what are you doing here?" he breathed, chest heaving, and she frowned.

"We were just hanging out and I fell asleep and I guess you did too, and when I woke up, you were crying...are you going to be okay?"

"I have no choice," he mumbled, placing an arm over his face, and Furina shook her head, slowly.

"That's not true. It's okay to not be okay."

"Not for me."

"Why not?"

"Because -" he trailed off then, pulling his hand away from the girl, and she let him. ".. because I just - I just have to be. Okay?"

"It doesn't make you weak, you know. Do you think I would be weak if I wasn't okay?"

"..that's different -"

"Why?"

"Because you're human-"

"So what? You think beings that aren't human just have to be these immovable pillars of stability? You feel, just like I do. You have hopes and dreams, and fears, just like I do. You've experienced so many different aspects of life. Maybe- maybe people treated you like you weren't human, but that doesn't mean you aren't, you know. I mean, weren't you saying earlier a heart's a heavy burden? That's part of being human. Sometimes we feel weak and like we're all alone, but - even when we do feel that way, people care."

".. I don't know why they do."

"Do they need a reason to?" Furina challenged gently, tilting her head. "Love never needs a reason. It's just there, regardless of who you are, where you've been, where you're going, what you have done and what you will do. That's what makes it so beautiful. It's always there."

"..then why-"

"??"

"...no, forget about it. I don't want to talk about it."

"Alright. I won't push you."

"Even if you did, I wouldn't talk."

"I know, I just -"

"I understand what you're trying to say," he mumbled, sniffling. "...thanks."

"Is there anything I can do? Do you want me to leave?"

"I- I don't know. I don't know," Wanderer replied, almost inaudibly, and she nodded. And then, all of a sudden, he got up and made his way over to the lake nearby, sitting in the water so he was waist deep. He looked awfully small without his hat, Furina realized. Maybe that was why he wore it all the time.

"Come here," he beckoned, and she stared, in confusion.

"Huh?"

"Come here," he repeated, stronger this time. "You wanted to know how you can help me, right? Come sit. Just- I don't know. I don't want to be alone right now, weird as that is."

"Okay," she nodded, making herself comfortable in the water next to him. Minutes passed with Wanderer sitting rigidly, and then suddenly he hissed, clenching at his chest so hard his hands made wrinkles in the fabric.

"Wh- what's the matter?" Furina cried, eyes wide with alarm, and Wanderer shook his head, eyes glossy.

"Hurts. But it shouldn't, I -"

"Look, I don't know what you saw in your dream, but it's clear it's hurting you more than you want to admit. . will ..will the pain pass?"

"It usually does."

"...is it okay if I hold your hand until then?"

For a long moment, he did not speak, and Furina half expected him to say no. But then he shakily removed one of his hands from his chest and linked it with Furina's gloved one, and she paused. "..wait a moment." The ivory haired girl removed her glove then, holding Wanderer's hand with her bare one. His was cool and very smooth, like porcelain, and hers was warm and soft. The contrast was nice, she mused, noting sadly how her friend's hands trembled.

".. please don't tell anyone about this."

"I won't," Furina smiled. "I got 500 years worth of experience in keeping secrets, so no need to worry~" Wanderer sent her the most withering gaze at that, and she startled. "..what?"

"That's not funny," he mumbled, expression sullen. "Your pain, and everything you went through - you shouldn't make fun of it like that."

"Oh," she replied, heart dropping to her feet in shock. "I was just trying to -"

"I know what you were trying to do. Please don't do it at your expense. It isn't helping anyone feel better."

"..okay."

"Good."

A pause.

".. did I say anything weird? When I was sleeping?"

"..you were calling for your mother."

Wanderer stiffened, pain streaking across his face. ".. I see. Ridiculous of me." Furina did not push, but he looked to her, reading the question in her eyes. "..she hasn't been a part of my life for years now, so there's no reason to feel like this."

"..isn't that all the more reason to miss her? If she hasn't been there?"

"Not if she wasn't a good mother," he muttered, eyes dark. "I don't need her anymore."

"People can hurt you and you can still miss them, Wanderer. Those things don't have to be mutually exclusive. I don't - know what all happened so I'm not saying you need to forgive her or let her back in your life, but it's okay to miss her. It's ..okay to mourn what could have been," Furina ventured, looking to the water. "We were meant to be loved and cared for and when we're not, it- it hurts a lot, and it's not weak to be hurt. It's not weak to feel that hole in your heart."

"..it feels that way."

"..yeah. I understand. But I promise you're not weak."

The moon hung high in the sky before he spoke again. "..if nothing else, my life is my own now."

"That it is. You can do whatever you want with it."

"How do you just - seem to know what to say all the time?"

"I don't always, but... I often just speak from my heart. It's hardly led me astray."

"Hm. ...you should get some sleep."

"Will you be okay?"

".. I don't know," he admitted. "I'm.. getting there, though."

"That's good, that's good."

"I don't think I'll be going back to sleep, so just. Don't bother waiting up for me. I may go for a walk to clear my head."

".. alright. Please be safe."

"There isn't much that can hurt me, but I appreciate the concern."

"I know, but-"

"But you still worry."

"Because I care."

"..mhm."

"That's what friends do."

Wanderer turned his head, almost owlishly. "..what?"

"Am I wrong?"

"Well, no, but- you said -"

"That you're my friend, yes," Furina asserted, and he stared, bewildered. "You're nice to me, and you don't mind- well, who I am, yanno? You gotta keep those people close to you."

".. I guess so. I don't think I'm a very good choice, but- if that's what you want."

"It is."

".... okay."

She wasn't sure, but Furina could have sworn Wanderer was smiling a little when she fell asleep.

..of course, he vehemently denied it the next morning.

#furina #wanderer #oh lord the blorbos are going through it #i was like how can i make wanderer sad and then i went nightmare nightmare nightmare NIGHTMARE #i intended for this to be soft and then i was like oh oops! hurt/comfort! #he's a bit less uh. . talkative here than other drabbles im thinking this is earlier on in their friendship #so it will take him a while to fully open up #but he does at least touch on ei and her not being there and gets some comfort so wooo #i may make a continuation of this because i was struggling a little to wrap it up... might mean part 2! wahoo!!! #wanderer uh. he needs a lot of support #i wanna talk more about just. them idk. how they care about each other in my head.