#hhhhh tomorrow i have to drive to another uni to build a chamber

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#hhhhh tomorrow i have to drive to another uni to build a chamber #this morning i drove like 11min down the road and that was enough to dislodge me halfway outside my body #i just. hate driving so much. its so fucking stressful #and im also worried the chamber isnt gonna come together with what we have #and i dont wanna drive down there again #oh god. i need to chill out so i can sleep tonight #it just stresses me out so much. anytime i have to drive i just become absolutely certain that im gonna get into an accident #or that ill get distracted and cause a crash #why cant we have a working train system in this fucking country. i wanna go back to the uk. where its more manageable to not have a car #when i think abt driving my brain just sends me images of destruction #i also get it to a lesser extent when im a passenger #like i have to sit exactly as ur supposed to in a seat or else i just get horrible imaginings of my limbs being crushed or whatever #god. i just hate it so much. i have a fragile mind. i was not constructed with the mental fortitude to drive #at least i dont get so many intrusive thoughts abt like flipping rhe steering wheel anymore. bc that sucked #hopefully i dont show up in tears but usually i cry at least once when i have to drive someone #so im gonna look unhinged when i drop off all the equipment. whatever ill wear sunglasses #how is it possible some ppl enjoy driving? i dont understand. i dont want that kind of power in my hands #i dont trust myself not to get someone killed. like that's prob my ultimate fear. getting in a crash caused by my brain not being able to #focus and then i kill a happy family of 5 or something and i just have to live with it #it just makes me so upset. which is why ive been avoiding this for literally months. #ugh. whatever i have to do it. and then itll be over. as my mum would say: itll b good for me #i just have to freak out abt it for a while #unrelated