#his clinginess is unhealthy but so was the entire orokin empire and i doubt any of them ever went to therapy

[tiny-chubby-bird]

scrambled thoughts that are probably 90% inaccurate because i’m bad at remembering warframe plot/facts:

ballas saying he has always been alone because his vision was incomprehensible to "people", becoming incredibly jealous when margulis spends all her time helping the zariman children and showing motherly love towards them, him devoting several of his warframes to memories of her and then his big tantrum where all his bottled up anger and bitterness gets directed towards natah who was “supposed” to be the new margulis,,,

honestly the man just makes me sad at this point. he's always been alone, so even though he's lived several lifetimes it sounds like he's never been loved by anyone (or at least he never felt loved because he didn't feel understood by anyone), and probably never truly loved anyone himself. and but then he met margulis and he loved her, but he became super clingy because she's the first person he's felt this way about and the first person to love him/understand him i guess.

and while he wasn’t happy with her work with the tenno and didn’t like these void devils he still supported her, in his own,,, ballas way. also apparently giving the children nightmares so that he’d still be needed by margulis somehow. but they took margulis’ sight away (by accident of course), which was forgiven by her but not by him, and i guess it was another factor for his bitterness because she never forgave him for what he did (understandably of course). from the voice lines between her and ballas in the apostasy prologue, it kinda gave me the sense that they probably had a big disagreement the day before she got executed, her asking him to help her and “get her out of here”, and him saying he can’t, “can’t or won’t?” and then later her saying he’s no different than the rest of them, him asking her for forgiveness but never getting it, with margulis’ last words dedicated towards her “sons and daughters”, and then she got executed, and while he regretted abandoning and sacrificing her for his “faith”, he mostly blamed the tenno, because if it hadn’t been for them, she would still be alive.

so then he contacted hunhow later on and tried to get him to kill the tenno by revealing their location on lua, telling him that they’re the ones controlling the warframes that are currently winning the war against sentients for the orokin. I guess that didn’t work out too well and i still don’t rlly understand all the details because,,, well, DE isn’t very good at making the plot and timeline clear and comprehensible. i don’t know how the whole natah becoming lotus thing happened but pretty sure ballas was the main reason for that, trying to make himself a new margulis to feel better, a margulis he could control so she wouldn’t leave him again and would love him, but,,, i guess that didn’t work out so well either, because she chose the tenno over him once again (at least i think she chose them, i don’t think ballas would want her to do that).

and i still don’t know how much of ballas dying and then becoming a sentient-hybrid was part of his big plan, or if that wasn’t planned at all, but i do feel like either way, it did take part of his humanity away. i feel like it did fuck up his psyche even more, either the dying part or the “not being human anymore” part (though orokin have died several times, they kinda see death as a joke because they’ve found a way to come back. i mean their halloween is all about celebrating their immortality by dressing up as the dead to mock death).

idk where i was going with this, my brain is rotting and i have a lot of feelings.

#warframe spoilers #warframe ballas #his clinginess is unhealthy but so was the entire orokin empire and i doubt any of them ever went to therapy #i doubt it even exists in that world but who knows #also can u imagine an orokin admitting they're anything less than perfect unthinkable #im so confused at the timeline and plot #like pls DE pls make it clear #this is all recycled info for when i was attempting to do plot/timeline research for a fic with ballas in it #so take most of this with a grain of salt because my brain is mush #also BIG DISCLAIMER this isn't supposed to be exusing any of ballas' actions!! #im not defending him or anything #look i started off hating his guts and gagging when he was on screen but somehow it all turned into whatever the hell this is #and here we are