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#i cant believe i was able to fit all of vlad's origins into less than 30 posts pats my own shoulder
gunthermunch · 1 year
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[Transcript under the cut]
Ernest: i always feel like a complete professional in here Vlad: what is a writer without a typewriter Ernest: or hundreds of books. personally i own neither Ernest, on typewriter: h e l l o Vlad: your small device died on me. Ernest: ah! it's just the battery. just give it to me and I'll bring it back fully charged Vlad: i want to keep it Ernest: alright alright. so, which song did you like the best? Vlad: the song with rats on cages Ernest: bullet with butterfly wings? i kinda thought you'd be more of a bowie guy but at the same time im not surprised Vlad: what is a bowie? Ernest: you're hilarious. Ernest, on typewriter: M y n a m e i s E r n e s t M u n c h Ernest: maybe you'd like Kate Bush, my wife LOVES Kate Bush. Vlad: Isn't there any actual writing you should be doing? Ernest: eh… i don't think there's more for me to write about, honest. what else do you have to tell me? Vlad: you sound like the human that wrote the Encyclopedias. Ernest: well i know those from memory since i was a child, consumed those like holy grail. plasma fruit bad, blood good. yadda yadda Ernest: -wait. wrote? i thought you did it. i got all fanatic on you for nothing? Vlad: all i did was give answers to a curious human that thought i was wearing a disguise. if those books should awake hoards of blood hungry half done vampires born out of uncoordinated words, then so it be. Ernest: you're a little mischievous, huh? Vlad: I'm naturally great at misleading people. Ernest: oh, i know! after all these months, buddy, i still have no clue on who turned you. Vlad: why would i deceive your ears with such a thing? Ernest: because we. are. frriiiieeeenddss Vlad: what is happening to your words? Ernest: I'm just reminding you. come on! i wont even write it down, let's just have a chat. Vlad: fine. Vlad: --hundreds of years ago, a count and a peasant had an affair. Vlad: the moment the count's wife found out, she went to the village and found a witch. it casted a curse upon the peasant, who was pregnant. Vlad: she suffered a long, painful childbirth. what is worse, she lived through it. Vlad: and so her son was born, lacking a heartbeat, pale as a corpse, alive. Vlad: she was barely able to walk, talk, breath or blink after giving birth Vlad: she never recovered, and the count had turned his back on both of them. Vlad: i believe she wanted both of us dead. i did not feel her as my mother, as she probably never felt me as her son too. she was just food to me, as soon as i was able to walk. Vlad: i found The Hollow shortly after. Vlad: i was never weak, i never had to survive. Ernest: you were choiceless. Ernest: gulp a witch, huh? Vlad: one way or another, our sole creators. raining Ernest: man. how am i supposed to go home like this? Lilith: i could walk you home. Lilith: can i, Vlad?
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