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#i cant help but worry abt my health nd what kinda diet i can have nd how to work all of that out.
silenthillbunni
·
2 months
Text
🤧🐀🌧️🌊
#need to clear my head;
#im in such a bad mood. my face is in a perpetual angry state. im just so so bitter nd pessimistic rn
#trying not to get stuck in negative chaos thought spirals nd to just take it as it come
#nd be patient bc recovery takes time i know. but i havent been able to feel healthy or functional for 7 months nd i am so tired
#i cant help but worry abt my health nd what kinda diet i can have nd how to work all of that out.
#like the removal of the gallbladder dont ensure a good digestive system. they remove it bc it can irrepairably hurt u
#also im so so stressed out abt school nd my courses. i already had to drop one last week. nd it isnt looking like i'll be able to pass my
#eng class.. it just isnt looking like it's realistic at all :/ i personally dont mind if i fail. but i can get issues w my wellfare hmm
#bc like im still feeling rough nd u only get sick leave for one week after surgery.. so i have to go on thursday nd friday but im gnna
#be in pain plus be so hungry nd be unable to concentrate idk
#idk idk!! im already willing to take out loans to finish my upper secondary school.. but i have to make it work w timing nd stuff so im not
#sitting here unable to pay rent or the bills or food lmao. so idk have to fix it somehow
#nd the pressure of this country rapidly declining state is stressing me tf out!! having nazi conservative rightists in the ruling is just
#dreadful!!!! for many reasons but atm idek if i can do distance classes like i wanted to ://
#i just.. wanna be able to go for my long walks. go to the gym. eat normally. have coffee. study nd finish highschool.
#then apply for whatever program i can nd move to another calmer city. prob eventually find a path to move to another country. like norway..
#im thinking too much but my thoughts are spinning nd killing me like i cant stop it im so scared nd anxious lmao 💀
#im also trying to be brave and write to the psych clinic for personality disorders nd be upset nd 'beg' them for help ksksksks.
#but like... the thing abt having avpd is that i kinda dont wanna bc im scared of the possibility of them helping me lol
#im just in a low place nd bad headspace and it's just getring worse nd im getting more nd more tired
#i dont have much more energy to keep it together nd pretend like im ok or like i have hope lmaoooo idk what to do
#anyway... idk idk guess i just gotta .. keep crawling forward anyway i can
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