#i could go on forever about the parallels between twilight and anya

[twixfamily]

the first thing i noticed during anya’s house tour for yor is how well decorated and filled with toys her bedroom was

twilight didn’t have to put that much effort into it. the rest of the apartment is nice, but it’s only as much as he needs to appear “normal”. he could’ve just given anya a bed and a desk for her studies, but he painted the walls and put up decorations. he gave her new toys and knick knacks and books so that nearly every surface was covered in clutter. and there’s a good chance that he chose a lot of those items himself.

when he met her she was stuck in a crowded orphanage and has bounced around several families in a very short period of time. the brief glimpse into her past shows us that she was experimented on by people that didn’t seem to acknowledge her needs as a little kid. and within the first few days of living with twilight anya was kidnapped from what should have been a secure place for her to live. so the next place they go he made sure to provide her with a safe space. he allowed her privacy and never stormed in to scold her, so she had no reason to fear her own room.

twilight might be hard on her when they study, but in every scene where he enters anya’s room we see him soften. it’s when she’s most vulnerable, like when she falls asleep at her desk or bawls over the mangled penguin toy. this is the spot that reminds twilight of his daughter’s age, and it grants him a space to discard his mask and recognize his affection for her.

twilight has no idea how to interact with children, but he needs anya to trust him for the sake of the mission. so he gives her what he hasn’t had since his own childhood: a home.

#i could go on forever about the parallels between twilight and anya #she’s just a little kid yanked into a war without warning #and you can see the way it tears him up inside when he considers staying with her beyond the mission #he joined WISE to ensure the happiness of children but when he’s face to face with an actual kid it’s too painful #spy x family #twilight spy x family #loid folger #anya forger

[twixfamily]

This panel is so meaningful in Twilight coming to terms with his own childhood trauma. It’s clear throughout the series that he distances himself from Anya “for the sake of the mission”, but in reality he can’t admit to the pain he faced as a child.

Anya chose a skeleton as her treat. It is a “morbid spectacle”, and one that mirrors his own decision to join the army as soon as possible. He tampered down his own stress by inflicting the pain he felt on the “enemy”, and Anya being drawn to that specific keychain suggests her flippancy for violence.

The line “Did I not see it, or did I not want to see it?” shows his reluctance to acknowledge the similarities between their lives. Had Twilight admitted earlier that Anya’s time alone was so detrimental to her emotions he would need to address the deep seated trauma that the loss of his family caused him.

He’s finally forced to confront a surrogate of his own experience and struggles to give her the affection she needs to be a happy and healthy kid, because that would be an admission of the impact his childhood had on him throughout his adolescence and into adulthood.

#i could go on forever about the parallels between twilight and anya #he also thinks that anya is 6 (the age he lost his mom) so that adds another layer to it #i’ll probably also make a post about the eden interview when twilight lost it after seeing anya cry for her mother #he knows what that loss means and refuses to tell anya to calm down and act like everything is fine #buuuuut that’s for another time lol #spy x family #twilight spy x family #loid folger #anya forger #spy x family manga spoilers