#i couldn't even talk abt my current employment status w/o self deprecation please let me rewind and redo that interaction

[feytouched]

ran into three old highschool classmates while grocery shopping. there it is again that funny feeling

#feeling v gift shop at the gun range etc rn #i'm proud of myself but when we talked i was cast back to my insecure awkward 15yo self who still wants to prove im better than them #i couldn't even talk abt my current employment status w/o self deprecation please let me rewind and redo that interaction #best thing that happened to me was to leave that social group after 11 yrs in the same class but they still hang out it seems #which is both befuddling and oddly endearing to someone who cut all ties to literally everyone from back then #and yet. i do still on a subconscious lvl wish for their validation. or at least their jealousy #if i couldn't have their friendship that was always the next best thing to aim for #one of them was my crush for years and years. surreal to meet him again while out w my bf #if nothing else my bf is way cuter and more interesting than him so i def upgraded there :^) #but also!!why on a day when i look like crap and when my skin is all crusty!!!! this whole interaction threw me off for the rest of the day