#i do have so much fun w this stuff tho LMAO.. this is all . cathartic again after having to deal w ppl like this my whole life

[rrxnjun]

CONGRATS ON UR MILESTONE U DESERVE IT SO MUCH🥳🥳🥳

oh my u got me blushing with that🥹🤭 but thank u for understanding💕 but i wish i wasnt this busy that i can barely open an app and just reply to someone🥲🥲

OH GOD IM READY TO CRY!! WILL GET SOME TISSUES WHEN U POST IT!!! although i'm kind of happy about it cuz i think i'm due to a good cry (also started to write my reply the day before u posted the fic and i couldn't finish writing it☹️ so now that i probs failed my exam this will be an amazing remedy)

OH MY LIEBESTRAUM MY BELOVEDDDD U JUST MADE MY DAY WITH SAYING THAT IM SO HAPPY OH MY GOD!!!!!🥳🥳🥳

im sure u did justice to them!!! but thats for sure that it was like 19736474 times better than the ones online cuz i actually understood ur one😵‍💫so thank u again!!!! and simple songs are the best i love them so muchhhh

THAT KINDA SOUNDS FUN BUT I UNDERSTAND THE ANXIETY PART CUZ I COULD NEVER DO THAT!!! the fact that u got so stressed u started to use german must have been a crazy amount of stress dude😧 LMAO IM GLAD IT MADE U MORE COMFORTABLE THO AND I HOPE U WILL ENJOY HUNGARY THEN🥳🥳 well there are definitely people who speak english and there are also many things written in english and if u need help with travel/public transport i can recommend u an app that u can set to english!! but the people are well kinda rude most of the times☹️ but my exchange student friend didn't really have any problems with anything!! she could only speak english and thai so she only used the app and in shops there is most likely a person with basic english knowledge and she didn't have a problem at all!! SO I HOPE I DIDNT CHANGE UR MIND ABOUT COMING HERE CUZ ITS VERY PRETTY AND STUFF!!!

GOOD LUCK FOR THE REST!!!! I HOPE IT WILL STAY STRESSLESS!! WELL MINE IS DEFINITELY GOING! CANT SAY ITS GOOD CANT SAY ITS BAD ITS JUST GOING🥲

oh my u are not annoying at all!!! i understand that so much daniel is such a lovely guy!!!

U SHOULD ADMIT IT TO URSLEF ITS FUN🫡 damnnn tbh very understandable jikjin is such a good song so ur spotify wrapped is going to be amazing😌 TREASURE MAP IS SO FUNNY!! although i don't think i ever finished it .-. but all of the ones i saw were so fun!!! AND ADMITTING TO BEING IN LOVE WITH MY BF JIHOON IN BROAD DAYLIGHT IS CRIMINAL /j also about the posts i saw u make about jihoon, i understand u so much dude🤭 that guy is just so amazing and cool and everything🥲

thank u for not minding them what u wrote means a lot;-;💕💕I HOPE UR DAYS A FILLED WITH JOY TOO U ARE AMAZING!!!!💖💓💝

(and also expect another ask about me yelling how much i love ur new chenle fic sorry not sorry🫣) (liebestraum anon💕💕)

THANK U SM!!!! ❤🤍 it means a lot🥺🥺 awh i wish u werent so busy either bc it must be stressful. i do have a lot on my plate too but im still on this app more than i should be so props to u i think😭😭😭

omg noOO ☹☹ i really did activate my inner john green at the last two scenes because of the looking for alaska reread but hopefully it doesnt bring tears altho it was a cathartic write for me bc i resonate w chenle sm 😭😭 (not on the rich part im very much broke). and noo ☹☹ i hope the exam went better than u anticipated,, however it really do be like that sometimes and remember that one failed exam doesnt define u and you'll do better next time!!!

havent made any progress w liebestraum since my last reply bUT the outline is all finished and i have a little something in my drafts to tease it however im saving it until im at least done w 3/4 of the fic to post it bc we both know how it went the last time i posted a teaser for it 🤡

DHSJSK im glad to hear that also i think it may be bc im the first slovak person actually fluent in english to try to translate the song 😭😭😭 (yael is popular w the younger generation i think)

I mean i was stressed BECAUSE of the german i didnt just randomly bust it out bc of stress 😭😭 the lady at mcdonalds understood eng thank god but the other one did not and was rlly rude abt it telling me to get german lessons ☹ first of all i DID,,, for 6 years‼‼ second of all do i gotta learn the language of every country i visit now??? U WORK AT THE MAIN STATION OFC TOURISTS WILL BE THERE. the only german words that left my mouth that day were hallo, winston blau bitte, danke and auf wiedersehen 😭😭😭😭😭😭 i was less anxious abt vienna bc i was like i mean i learned german so i cant be THAT lost but i dont know a single word in hungarian so that might be difficult- DJSJS however if those plans do come true i will hit u up and u can send me all the tips and tricks (and also your address so we can hang out /j)

"ITS GOING" GIRLIE THE WAY I FELT THAT

not admitting yet i need a week or two more and to actually learn their names bc i still struggle with jeongwoo junghwan and jaehyuk for some reason. DO THEY HAVE TO ALL HAVE J NAMES ????? i saw only a few treasure map eps but once i stan someone new i tend to go obsessive and watch most of the stuff thats out so pray for me 😭😭😭😭 also im happy to announce to you that your boyfriend is now OUR boyfriend !!!!!! 🥳🥳🥳🥳 hope u dont mind sharing ❤❤❤❤ you cant just expect me to see a guy with painted nails and not fall in love with him like. come on. this was given.

hope u enjoy my fic and that i dont disappoint, im def looking forward to hearing your thoughts!! also i hope u have a nice evening and weekend, love you lots xx

#your ask just made my whole entire day #💌ask #liebestraum anon

[cutemeat]

omg unironically would love to hear u expand on this

ABSOLUTELY!!! im gonna go ahead n put all this under the cut cuz i have a feeling it'll get long lol

so overall i think that its clearly established by this point that mac and dennis are the will-they-won't-they (i know i know) relationship ... but dee and charlie, while they are framed as such As A Joke every now and then, are definitely not lol. i am really fascinated by their dynamic though because i think it is loaded with commentary on both media and society and how all these expectations can culminate in this fucked up web of a relationship that dee and charlie have spun.

like to me.. dee and charlie have shown time and time again that the introduction of any romantic/sexual aspects into their dynamic fucks it up and not even in that classic rom-com way... like in a way that's genuinely weird and off-putting when it goes there LOL. (so it does a great job at pointing out weak spots in the typical sitcom/romcom het relationship tropes) whereas with mac/dennis it's the opposite! the lack of action on the romantic/sexual tension between them is what actively sabotages that relationship and makes things difficult between them n makes their dynamic frustrating to watch esp in more recent seasons. at this point, i think the writers are aware that they have made all the points/commentary they could possibly make by pitting these two dynamics against one another, so i do hope they're going in a direction where they're breaking out from that (it seems that way at least). but anyway... so that's the interpretation i have of the two dynamics as a whole!

and i basically have two key chardee/macdennis comparisons that i use to support my interpretations here... the first is with Gets Held Hostage and the contrast between how charlie talks to dee after the team switch versus how mac and dennis handle it...

that interaction between mac/dennis from the start shows us that they are in sync and on a similar wavelength which puts them at ease even in this very intense situation. and the framing of this scene supports that subtext very well! the shot is close up and we have both of them in the frame holding steady eye contact the entire time.. this is an honest and strong line of communication they've got between them. even when mac says "i love you" and it goes unreciprocated, i personally think it's weirdly sweet that he doesn't let dennis just stand there n expect him to react a certain way so he just sorta sends dennis off when it's clear dennis is thrown off.

then there's charlie/dee's interaction, which right off the bat is vastly different. the framing of their interaction does not give off that same openness. instead of one shot with the both of them facing one another where we can see both their faces, we get entirely over the shoulder shots between the two of them... this indicates that there is not really the same honesty here that's happening between mac and dennis (which is then paid off when we see charlie just used the 'back office plan' to ditch dee lol) ... framing aside, charlie is speaking in a rushed way that gives dee no time to think or breathe.. this is intentional because he doesn't WANT her to take any time to think! so he overloads her with as much information and stimulus as possible (kissing her then slapping her ..) with basically zero chances for her to explain herself or take any agency in this situation.

then with Dines Out vs Rules the World...

in Rules the World, charlie very quickly begins treating dee like a servant... this, to me, speaks to his deeper issues with women in general. it makes perfect sense considering how he saw his mom treated growing up for him to have this expectation from women, that they should be there to serve and it's not good enough for them just to exist if they're not doing anything. charlie says all his frustration is coming from all the pressure on him... but the thing is he doesn't HAVE to be doing all the shit he's doing. it's a video game. and frankly, he could be including dee in the whole thing more, and having some communication there would have likely prevented dee "betraying" him at the end... but he tells us directly WHY he never thinks to include her because he thinks she is incapable of being anything more than a "stupid kept housewife"... when charlie said he could get dee her mink coat... it's not because he wants to serve HER needs (dee's need with the coat being to feel that she is special and that she is someone to be respected because she is missing this from her relationship with charlie right from the start) but rather to serve his own needs, if he keeps Dee happy (on the barest minimum level possible) then she will continue to do as he asks without complaint, which is how he prefers her to be.

even in Misses the Boat, over time the sorta 'wholesomeness' that came off from Chardee's interactions the first time around wear off fast... like Charlie REALLY isn't that supportive of dee and her dreams or ambitions. to me, it seems like he's sorta testing the waters for how little work he has to do in order to get what he wants from her. he's checking out how low her bar is, and it's pretty low.

compare this to Dines Out and mac and dennis' thing about the karaoke machine and singing... that whole conflict is something that dennis could've easily not brought up again because clearly mac had already forgotten about the whole thing by the time dennis was giving the speech LMAO. but dennis still felt it was important to make that heartfelt moment up to mac... again, it doesn't really serve any self-interest of Dennis to do so... if anything it takes away from his own spotlight, but he did it anyway! (so yeah the bar isn't Much Higher for mac than it is for dee, but the difference in intention between charlie/dennis matter here to me!)

and speaking of the macdennis singing thing... i believe starting with episode one of season fifteen this trend only continues based on the blocking/framing of the scenes with charlie and dee compared to mac and dennis as well!

for example.. in most of the shots with charlie/dee, they are often on different levels (ex: charlie standing while dee sits) or overall not showing that theyre in sync (not giving us much of a "visual harmony" if u will..) like charlie constantly moving around to get beer or the fireworks while dee is basically sat listening the entire time... the two of them are basically only in frame together when they Have to be. its all show!

compare this to mac and dennis who are in sync the entire time, sans the scene where dennis is explaining briefly how 2020 affected the bar to Gary... but after that its p much.. when dennis sits, mac sits. when dennis stands, mac stands. their fuckin guitars are even lined up perfectly in the shot of them off in the corner looking at dennis' phone... like. that shot itself of the two of em choosing to still be joined at the hip when theyre not even in the frame speaks volumes to me of where their relationship was at that point.

#frankly i dont.. think charlie rlly Loves anyone on a romantic level #at most he gets Obsessed or fixated on ppl but doesn't rlly fall in love #pls know i have no fuckin clue what I'm talking abt I don't do serious PhD level analysis I didn't go to school for that #i do have so much fun w this stuff tho LMAO.. this is all . cathartic again after having to deal w ppl like this my whole life #its fun to just be on like. a spectator perspective rather than stuck in the middle #i have to stop myself from going on tangents every time cuz there's just... phew so much to unpack #i hate the way i phrase this shit cuz i truly don't think dennis is an innocent victim but I DO think he's extremely gullible n stupid bc #like dennis litrlly signed on to be a scapegoat cuz frank just used a diff word like this guy is a fuckin idiot fodgnrkjn #hes so desperate for approval n i think both frank n charlie n dee know how to tap into that for whatever they need #benefits the ecosystem n all that #doesnt make him any less harmful for the shit he has done tho lol #saved this for 1 am cuz i told u i get annoying abt it oi

[cuddleslutloki]

2018 fics, a year in review

i’m a madman, but even my crazy ass probably won’t finish and post another fic in the last 6 hours of 2018, so here are all the fics i posted on ao3 this year, plus some thoughts on each!

Hemlock Honey and Silver

this was my last ever supernatural fandom fic. literally the end of an era for me since i was in the spn fandom for so damn long and wrote so much fic, about two-thirds of which has been orphaned on the archive at this point because i didn’t like the stories anymore lol. 

i do like that one, though, and i’m actually alright with it being my last ever spn/destiel fic

Fire In Your Veins

this was my first time posting thorki fic! i was so, so nervous about it, but everyone in this fandom is so chill and lovely. i still like this one, and i don’t think i write enough 69ing lmao. also this fic was obvs the start of something bigger bc. i mean. i’ve written so much damn fic now lol since i only started posting in june. i was worried that i wasn’t going to be writing anymore, or that i’d never be posting on ao3 again because it had been literally 2 full years between hemlock honey and silver and the fic that preceded it. then i fell into thorki and i started writing fic and it’s just been such a huge, huge thing. bc i’m also writing original stuff again for the first time in forever.

Underdressed and All Out of Time

a direct sequel to fire in your veins, i really like it. i felt like i was able to characterize loki fairly well in this one bc i was very insecure about the way i wrote loki when i started out

A Thousand Teeth, Yours Among Them

who doesn’t love a fic title from a hozier song? i remember writing this fic and wondering if it was any good and if my characterization was okay and still being nervous and insecure in my writing, but it’s been very well received so i kinda got my inner critic to stfu which is nice lol. i also really enjoyed doing this vignette style story

To Always Face the Sun

what if :) loki was happy :) and thor had his brother back :) lol i really liked writing this and having loki being such a little shit tbh. can we tell that i like a happy ending in fic?

Blue On Gold

so i wrote an arranged marriage fic where they never actually get married and it’s still 15.8k lmfao. also the return of the vignette style, which was fun bc i got to do short, impactful scenes and build the narrative with them. i remember sitting at my desk at work, on my phone, writing this fic, then coming home and editing on a damn tablet bc my laptop bricked earlier this year

the warmth of your doorway

i meant to capitalize the title but at this point i’ve decided to leave it lol. i really loved writing this bc i felt very confident in the way i was building the scenes and the detail i was able to incorporate. i feel like this is where i really kinda go my voice back and i start to come into my own, if that makes sense? one of my fave fics i’ve ever written tbh. there’s a longer ‘verse for this, but after i finished this fic i got too distracted by new projects to try and continue it lol

Tell Me

this was my first trans!loki fic and he’s a trans man, and god i love it. i’ve got another ftm loki story as a WIP in my gdocs bc this story showed me how much i fucking love writing trans characters, and i really enjoyed the dynamic i put into this fic. there’s a sequel planned lol it’s gonna be dirty

Interwoven

i still haven’t managed to ever find the post that inspired this damn fic and if you wonder whether that drives me up the wall the answer is yes (: and fun fact! i intentionally never describe loki’s genitals in this fic, bc i was picturing him as a trans guy since i’d just written tell me and now i have a massive obsession with writing trans romance and erotica

Tie Breaker

in this house we love and appreciate bottom thor!!! also i loved writing the sparring at the beginning. it makes me wanna write more fics w/ brutal fight scenes lol. thor’s slutty drunk cape outfit is iconic and i’m gonna read that comic just for that outfit honestly

Pretense of Subjugation

i became drunkenly obsessed with loki manspreading on the throne of asgard and this was the result. this was the first thorki fic of mine that i’d had beta’d and it was vastly, vastly improved by it. the tips @ktspree13 gave me when she helped with this fic have affected literally every single fic i’ve written since

Double and More

so this is not the first thorki fic i ever posted, of course, however it is the first i ever started writing. i got to the point where loki’s in thor’s lap and then i kinda blanked out and let the fic sit for like... 2 or 3 months? then i opened it back up and i was like “oh i like this i should finish this” which is why i don’t delete anything anymore bc there’s always a chance i’ll come back to it

Ringback Tone

y’all owe @thotki for the wondrous idea they presented in discord that ended up creating this fic. i think i wrote this fic in like 3 days bc of how much fun i was having with it. the dirty talk was my favorite thing to write in this and i remember distinctly having this [:< moment when i was daydreaming about it

Seldom All They Seem

there was an impromptu bottom thor day back on 20 oct and this fic was my contribution. we can never have enough time travel, can we? i remember i think i took like a four day weekend from work and part of my motivation was literally wanting to finish this fic in time to post it lmfao

Fluffy Thorki Sunday Ficlets

i started doing fluffy thorki sunday back when i was on bourbonbucky and i continued it here, and i’m proud that i’ve written at least 1 piece for fluffy thorki sunday every sunday since i started. i love doing fluff and smut, and honestly even when my mood has been shit, i’ve always felt motivated to try and improve it at least enough to write some nice fluff. i put all of these on ao3 once i moved blogs

Let Love Disrupt

this is another fic we owe to discord lmao. i remember posting this when i was either very drunk or very tired and having to keep going onto ao3 on my damn phone browser to correct minor shit, and some not so minor shit like a typo in the title bc at first it said “distrupt” and that’s why i only post when i’m awake and sober now lmfao

Without Fear

i love werewolves (: a whole bunch (: and this fic is something dirty and wonderful that i’m proud of and THERE’S ART bc @nekokat42 is a blessing and takes commissions. kot i love u :3

On the Other Side Like Always

i have a lot of feelings about this fic. there’s an entire future in this ‘verse that i would so love to write, but i’m stuck on where to go with it. as it stands i am satisfied with this as a story of thor and loki coming together, and a story about how loki does something out of desperation but is finally given something genuine and comforting in his life like he’s always deserved. THERE’S ART from the wondrous @boltplumart / @mrhiddles bc allie is perfect :]

Runaway

when i tell y’all i’m a trash gremlin king. i do have a thing for writing underage characters with adults (probs due to messy personal history lmfao ain’t gonna look at that too closely) and so writing this one was a fun little bit of self indulgence. also it’s dirty and really plays into codependency, which i always like writing bc it’s a fun thing to explore in fiction

Sunset Rhapsody

this fic. was supposed to be. two thousand words. at most. then thor smiled at me, as the writer, and was like “i want to own him” and we ended up with 11k of thor’s obsessive bs and loki being brutal. joking aside, i love this fic, i love what i did with it, i have an original story i wanna write for my size kink anthology that will follow a similar thread to this one. also that torture scene. i don’t recall if i ever properly wrote torture before, but this did kinda make me squirm a bit when i was writing it and if you’ve read it you know precisely which scene i’m talking about lmfao

Right to Guard

this fic was honestly very emotionally satisfying for me in a pretty visceral way. writing thor just surrendering to love and spoiling the fuck out of loki was pretty damn cathartic. 

A Bite of Lamb

me making sure i never lose my title as a trash gremlin king. honestly writing thor’s POV in this fic was like >.> at myself a couple times bc it felt distinctly dark in a way i’d never written another character. a very, very unhealthy kind of obsession and this twisted logic where he’s trying to make it all okay. i really fucking love this damn fic tho and i’m happy with how it came out. 

Seamless

i was so, so frustrated and pissed off at work that i needed to let that shit out, so that was channeled into this very guilt-ridden turned tender fic, and i really enjoyed writing it. loved writing thor taking care of his baby sister. also! KOT IS FUCKING AMAZING and drew this bc they’re such a good fucking person ;A; like they sent me a message and just said “really liked this scene” and i was D Y I N G and i still am. thank you again, kot!

The Way A Rose Blooms

this was written for the thorki secret santa exchange! i drew @chickcheney and honestly the list of prompts was so, so good. bottom thor, arranged marriage, semi-public sex and trying not to be caught, body worship. i was like “damn did i draw myself wtf” bc that is all up my alley. 

Sugar Cookie

i honestly could not think of a better fic to finish off 2018 for me than sugar cookie. porn and emotions that’s all this is, but it features loki as a trans woman being loved and appreciated as she is with nothing extra expected of her and it was so satisfying to write. it makes me want to write original romance with trans women, which i’ll definitely do bc i loved writing this hungry and tender story and i’m very happy with how i ended it. 

so that was 2018 for me! 

#baylen fic