#i don't hate her - sometimes her dorkiness is really cute! - but gah

[sage-nebula]

I just finished episode fourteen of Good Morning Call and there’s something I need to talk about for a second.

So by this point in the series, Uehara and Nao are officially a couple (which is one refreshing thing about this series, I feel; it’s not will-they-won’t-they until the end, we actually get to see them be a couple for most of the series I think), and things are . . . or should be . . . going fine. The problem is that even though Uehara has confessed his feelings (granted he was tricked into it by Yuri, but nonetheless), and even though Uehara has made it clear that he appreciates her romantic gestures and reciprocates (e.g. he bought all those milk puddings for her in return for her Valentine’s cake because that’s what she told him she’d want), and even though they’ve kissed multiple times, and even though he’s told her time and again that she’s the only person he’s interested in . . . Nao is constantly bogged down by insecurities, and in my eyes it’s really causing a strain on the relationship.

I haven’t ventured too much into the tags or sitewide search for this show yet because I don’t want too many things spoiled for me in advance, and I haven’t read the manga either. But from the little I have seen it seems like most people hate Uehara for “being a jerk” or “not sharing interests with Nao” or whatever else, whereas no one seems to point out the fact that these problems that these two have in their relationship stem from Nao’s own insecurities and the problems that she creates in her own mind. 

Like . . . let’s take the “love triangle” with Yuri, for example.

For the first half of season one, Uehara’s sister-in-law Yuri was a major character. Uehara had romantic feelings for Yuri for a very long time, but she chose to marry his brother instead, and so he moved out as a way of moving on. At no point is it ever in question whether Yuri and Uehara will get together. Even when Yuri starts having troubles in her marriage (due to misunderstandings and a lack of communication), she makes it clear over, and over again that not only does she only see Uehara as a little brother, but also that she supports him and Nao being together. And she tells Nao this! Multiple times! Even if Uehara still had feelings for Yuri, Yuri makes it abundantly clear that she does not have feelings for Uehara. The odds of them getting together a straight nil. There is absolutely no chance of it, ever. Yuri knows this, Uehara knows this . . .

And yet Nao . . . fabricates this love triangle in her own damn mind.

She angsts so much over the fact that Uehara had feelings for Yuri. She gets jealous to the point of wanting to move out when she learns that Uehara let Yuri stay the night, despite the fact that Nao herself had agreed to let Yuri stay the night in previous episodes! Like, I get it, it’s hard knowing that the person you have feelings for had feelings for someone else---but when they and the other person make it clear that there will never be a thing between them, and when the other person tells you over and over again that they support your relationship with the person you like, you have GOT to accept that. Continuing to convince yourself otherwise is doing nothing but hurting you and the other people involved.

And the thing is, Nao keeps doing this. Once Yuri leaves the picture, Kitaura comes in. Kitaura is a lesbian, although to be fair Nao doesn’t know this at first, so that’s number one. But number two is the fact that Nao works herself into a frenzy because other people in the school are saying that Kitaura and Uehara would be a good match (and it’s other girls saying this, which is ??? since you’d think they’d want him to be single like at the start of the series, but whatever), and also Marina---in a rare instance of her forgetting that she’s the only person on this show who is smart---sold Nao on the “enemies to lovers” deal because Kitaura and Uehara were always quarreling. The thing is, Uehara doesn’t show any romantic interest in Kitaura whatsoever. He straight up says he doesn’t remember her even though she has a grudge against him. The most he ever says about her is that she’s a nice person. That’s it. Nao doesn’t ask him directly if he has feelings for Kitaura, but it should be more than obvious that he doesn’t given the fact that he . . . you know . . . doesn’t talk about her, and is pretty blasé about her when asked. But still, Nao frets and worries and feels insecure and jealous, because CLEARLY there’s something going on, or there will be soon, particularly since (GASP!) Kitaura and Uehara have similar tastes in movies. Anyway, this whole thing culminates in Nao deciding that she needs to study up on all of Uehara’s interests and change herself to be less of a disaster and more put together, which leads to Issei (the new secondary love interest for Nao, whom she was ranting to) telling her that both people in a couple should work to change and be better for one another, which is true. Nao is taken aback by this, but it doesn’t seem to have dissuaded her from the idea that she needs to step up her game and change herself. And the thing is . . .

Look.

Are there ways in which Uehara could improve? Sure. Uehara is tsundere to his core. He tends to hide when he feels jealous, and brushes off showing his more vulnerable feelings except for moments when the two of them are completely alone. He’s reserved and aloof by nature, and he’s independent, so he doesn’t mind doing things on his own / having Nao do things on her own, rather than thinking about the two of them doing things as a couple. He also doesn’t seem fond of PDA, which is probably why he doesn’t really hold hands with her in public very often. Uehara could definitely learn to be more open about his feelings, and could make more of an effort to plan dates for the two of them, definitely. Additionally, I of course agree 100% with Issei that it should never be one person in a relationship changing, but two if changes need to happen.

HOWEVER.

Uehara has never once expressed that he thinks Nao should change, or that he wants her to. This idea that she has that she has to learn all about foreign films or that she has to, I don’t know, be more serious all the time? That came entirely from her own mind. Uehara has told her that he has romantic feelings for her. He’s told her that she’s the only person he’s interested in. He’s kissed her, he’s held her, he’s raced back to their apartment during a blackout to be there for her, he took care of her on Christmas Eve when she was sick and brought her the Christmas cake she wanted, he agreed to her Valentine’s Date (even if he wasn’t able to make it), he bought all those milk puddings for her, and so on and so forth. Uehara has made it pretty clear that he likes her as she is, he’s interested in her as she is now. Hell, he even got so jealous over her fake date with Issei that he wanted her to quit her job (because she works at the ramen shop that Issei’s dad owns), which he told her! (ofc she didn’t quit but it was still him feeling jealous, and that’s how she took it, and she was happy about it.) All of this, and yet she still is convinced that she has to change for him, that she’s not good enough for him, even though he’s told her and shown her time and again that she is.

In the most recent episode I watched, they were alone at a hot springs resort together, and they were originally going to share a room. But then Uehara went to sleep in a different one, and she asked him if it was because he didn’t think she was attractive. His response?

“Being with you is really exhausting.”

He then goes on to explain that he wants to be in a different room because he’s super attracted to her and wants to make sure that he doesn’t make a move on her (as in seduce her, not assault her). But that first line? 100% accurate. Because it’s like no matter what he does, Nao continues to be highkey insecure and think that she’s not good enough. It doesn’t matter how many times he says it, how many times he shows it. It’s like she has no object permanence when it comes to how he feels about her. If he’s not showering her with affection 24/7, suddenly she’s unsure whether he likes her at all. And the thing is . . .

That’s not healthy.

Like I’ve seen people criticize this relationship because Uehara is “too mean,” but the thing is, not only is Uehara not actually a cruel person (he’s just tsun), but Nao knew who he was when she decided to start pursuing him, and definitely knew after. These two live together, for godsake. Uehara is reserved, aloof, independent. He’s not very good about showing vulnerable feelings. He’s very blunt and to the point. Nao knew this about him when she decided to date him, she has known it for a while. Yet she keeps picturing him in her fantasies as this guy spinning long romantic, poetic lines, showering her in roses and whatever else. That’s not who Uehara is, and it’s not who he should have to be to make her happy if she truly loves him and not just the way he looks. But even setting that aside, constantly demanding that your partner prove they love you over, and over, and over again . . . it IS exhausting. It IS tiring. Because at the end of the day, it sounds an awful lot like Nao just doesn’t trust Uehara. Sure, this is perhaps partly rooted in her own insecurities about herself, but it’s more like it’s rooted in her insecurities about Uehara’s faithfulness and their relationship despite the fact that he’s never given her a reason to doubt it. And the worst part is, she won’t even ASK him about it, she won’t even TALK to him about it, she just catastrophizes and drags all of her friends into her newest romantic woes and creates an entire shenanigan while he’s standing off to the side wondering just what the hell is going on. (And then, of course, he gets the new secondary love interest yelling at him, which doesn’t help matters when there wasn’t a problem until Nao imagined one out of thin air.)

At the end of the day, what I’m trying to say is . . . if Uehara wanted Nao to change (beyond wanting her to stop catastrophizing problems where they don’t exist), then yeah, I’d say that he should change, too. But he hasn’t expressed that. Instead, he’s made it clear he’s interested in her the way she is. So in that sense, I think the only thing that needs to change is that Nao needs to stop being so insecure. Because to be honest, I’m 100% in agreement with Uehara on this one: It’s exhausting. 

#good morning call #yoshikawa nao #uehara hisashi #long post for ts #this is literally one of the stupidest shows i have ever watched (i say with bemused fondness) #AND YET I'M WORKED UP ENOUGH TO WRITE ALL THIS ON IT? BRUH #why does this always happen #first the swimming anime and now this #w h y #anyway Nao is a really frustrating protagonist #i don't hate her - sometimes her dorkiness is really cute! - but gah #Marina has the patience of a saint for dealing with Nao istg #(Marina is also the only one on this show who has been consistently intelligent) #(Yuri held up for a long time until they invented the marriage drama) #(then she held onto the Idiot Ball) #(but Marina - aside from the enemies to lovers thing - has been smart this whole time) #(I love Marina) #(she is the truest MVP)