#i don't know it just feels like a sledgehammer fo the chest every time

[softshuji]

Sometimes it feels like my mom punishes me for things I can't control and it's actually kinda really upsetting.

#i fell asleep yesterday after work as i mentioned before and that means i wasn't able to wash up after dinner #she said to me today that if i fell asleeo again before dinner she'd be pissed off at me #and usually a comment like that wouldn't bother me #but I'm the only one working full time/ with two jobs in my house #especially when my brothers don't do anything around the house #even though they don't have jobs/ do anything full time. and yet the responsibility of housekeeping is always left to me #even if I'm tired. The reason i can't fo to sleep early ia because cleaning the downstairs before i go takes a while #ofc it would when you have a family of 9 and you're the only person doing it #she never asks them either #and then she gets upset at me if like yesterday i don't do these things #and it's like #everyone keeps telling me fo stop treating myself as a machine #but it's kinda hard when everyone else does the same #today/ this week when work has been really tough and im struggling already because im having a hard time #it's the last thing you wanna hear that someone's upset at you for doing something that could have been shared between others #i don't know it just feels like a sledgehammer fo the chest every time #i just feel I'm constantly disappointing someone because im not able to do what they say #ans no matter how much i say it's unfair nothing ever changes.