#i feel like ive been possessed by lestat

[nashvillethotchicken]

If we all band together and get him therapy, we may be able to see a lil peak of louis’s ankle or maybe even elbow, inshallah

#i know he dress very conservative like the good Christian mother he is but baby its hot outside lemme see just a teent of calf #please please im begging #i feel like ive been possessed by lestat #interview with the vampire #iwtv #louis de pointe du lac #amc iwtv #ldpdl #like baby bring out the summertime wardrobe im tryna see some arm hair #jesus christ i need to start taking my lexapro again

[flameliberator]

okay i have to talk about this otherwise i will feel trapped inside my own body

it also touches on my stipulations with sexual content

tw for mentions of r*pe, m*lestation, and CP.

when i was a child i was raped and molested by my stepdad-- i was also emotionally manipulated and developed bipolar disorder and paranoia from the way i had been treated when i was a kid. 

when i was 16 i got married with my parents permission. my dad was too tired taking care of me, i dropped out of high school, and i was dating someone for 2 years, so i felt that i was ready.

i was still a child.

this man, my then husband molested me in the hallway of our high school when i was 14.

i was a child. i should not have married him.

my husband divulged his mental issues to me, some including an attraction to children. i should have left- but i felt trapped.

financially and mentally trapped. to a man with an attraction to literal children. 

i was married because i needed health insurance so i could finally begin treating the mental torment that i’ve been dealing with for years at the hands of parental figures.

my husband and i broke up at the beginning of the pandemic.  i told him that i could not fathom being with him any longer because of the issues he struggles with. one time he told me at work it took everything in his being to not do something to someone, and that killed me.

last night i received a text from my best friend of whom he cheated on me with, saying that he had been detained by police and she had no idea why. one of his coworkers came by her house to tell her that.

i pulled very string i could, making phone calls until 10 at night to figure out what happened to him, for the sake of my sanity. i reached out to his mother and we agreed, he probably got arrested for drug dealing.

i think i was trying to minimize the situation, but somewhere i knew it was a lot, LOT more sinister than that.

he hadn’t called me, or my friend, or anyone.

he wouldn’t reach out to anyone.

i found out last night that he had been arrested for possession of child pornography and my heart dropped into my stomach. i’ve felt physically sick ever since i found out.

i knew he struggled with things, but i never thought he would go this far, despite the huge red flags that’s happened to me specifically.

i feel guilty in a sense, but at the same time, how could i have known? it’s not like i would be searching through all his phones and computers and stuff, why should i have to?

i trusted this man in a sense, and i know i shouldn’t have.

i feel like every bit of trust ive had for this man has gone down the toilet. i feel sick, ashamed, angry, disgusted, betrayed-- i feel everything negative that i could possibly feel.

i called a crisis hotline last night, because i’m that stunned over this.

i don’t have thoughts of hurting myself in any way, but it’s just painful to know that this was what he was arrested for. that ive spent over a decade of my life with this person, for him to do something so disgusting, so vile.

#συт σf ¢нαкяαмѕ { ooc } #{ vent } #{ personal }