#i feel like my options are to get better or die 😑 and of course the second Isn't an option really so i just have to get better

[poptartmochi]

#prefacing this w the very handy #vent cw #negative cw #tags 🌄🍷 i will be a whiny bitch in this post beloveds 🧸😔 #that said. banging my head on the WALLLLLL. i feel like the most useless person alive #every time i think i am doing my job better i fuck up. i cannot do this job well consistently #i am no closer to achieving my actual career goals than i was 5 years ago #i do not have the energy‚ spoons‚ or time to get closer to achieving my career goals #everything that takes everyone else a few days to do at most takes me a few years #i wish i could pause time to do everything i need to do or alternatively drop dead. im so tired of being this way #and the worst part of being this way + being tired of it is that. i am just the blandest guy alive. nothing cool or exciting to talk about #to the family. i just continue fucking along. everybody else is moving forward and i am just stuck. the gap between us grows larger and #larger every day! it's like im a child except im 23. why! #i feel like my options are to get better or die 😑 and of course the second Isn't an option really so i just have to get better #but. 😔 it just feels impossible. i feel like i am running on a hard deficit of like. energy or willpower?? all the time #maybe it is depression or maybe it is so sucks disease but whatever it is.. it is my fucking enemy #sriracha.txt