#i feel like screaming but the walls r thin n my neighbors wld 100% hear i cant evn scream under water in the bath bc the bath here is 2

[gumdecay]

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#when i was v little (n also not so little.. like up til 17 or so but started wen i was v little) i used 2 go nonverbal wenever i was upset n #my throat wld lichrally feel like it was closing up n then bc i felt like it was closing up all my othr muscles wld freeze up n id b rooted #2 the spot in the middle of w/e was making me upset in the 1st place unable 2 speak or move or tell ny1 y i was upset. nyway thats how all #of life feels now as an adult just a never ending inability 2 move or express nything thats wrong haha :) #if i was lucky enuf 4 it 2 happen in bed where i cld @ least hide my face my mom wld always come in n play fucking 20 questions trying 2 #figure out what made me upset n the last time i was suicidal around her (last month lol) she did the same thing and like.......... it has #nvr evr helped it has only evr made me more upset n unable 2 express nything n i felt like lichrally screaming wen she did it last month n i #just................... idek y im talking abt this but im ready 2 die genuinely #the only time i have evr been happy is wen i disconnected entirely from my family n moved across the country but then OFC i immediately #found myself being abused 2 had 2 com back tail btwn my legs n like................ god............... r those truly my only options evr???? #i feel like screaming but the walls r thin n my neighbors wld 100% hear i cant evn scream under water in the bath bc the bath here is 2 #small n doesnt fill! so! i will just continue 2 b unable 2 express myself in ny meaningful way 4evr ig :')