#i just don't think anyone really needs/wants to hear my voice in that creative sphere rn

[izzy-b-hands]

First notif i see after getting out of the shower i forced myself to take:

Button's (the poetry group, not the pirate lol. tho i would happily be a part of his poetry group too) chapbook contest opens up in November

do i dare dream and try to put together another chapbook again

#text post #my poetry has felt so shit to me i haven't even been writing any of it down #but if i win even third spot i believe there's a small cash prize and christ that would help a lot #never mind making first and having my work published and sold and getting a few pennies here and there from that #I don't dare dream THAT big not after the last time i submitted lmaooooo #i just don't think anyone really needs/wants to hear my voice in that creative sphere rn #so it feels like im barging in and talking over other poets who deserve the prizes/space more than me #and i don't want to do that to anyone bc I'd feel terrible if the shoe was on the other foot so #maybe I'll jot a few down if they pass my personal muster but I'll wait and see re: actually formatting a full chapbook again #as it happens i could figure out a way to just. sell the prior one myself #maybe gumroad with a pay what you want page for it #that way no one has to risk money on poems they might not like unless they REALLY want to ya know? #idk idk my brain is so mad at me rn and like. i was literally just sitting there wtf #i mean i know wtf im mentally ill this is what happens to me time and time again but also. wtf ☹️