#i kinda got carried away but ajdjkckvkvkca

[fel-mi-er]

[ × ] 17 and 28

17. A memory of something they regret

Ninth graders had lunch at this hour, but Epel usually skipped. If not avoiding the cafeteria altogether, he would eat as quickly as possible, or take his food to go, sneaking away as soon as possible (sometimes he could even get a hall pass beforehand). He just hated being stared at... if he stayed in the cafeteria, even though he usually sat alone, he would often glance up at people staring at him.

He knew he was weird. Some people liked to look at him, but he wasn't what anybody expected, or what anyone wanted to deal with. He was the kid that wasn't from around here, that lived too far away to go visit, that couldn't hang out after school. He didn't ride the bus with anyone, and he couldn't relate to a lot of what people wanted to talk about, like popular media and celebrities, or even nerdy things like videogames and anime. He couldn't join any sports teams because of his availability, or any clubs for that matter. He just didn't fit in anywhere.

He probably hadn't made his reputation any better by getting into fights with people, but he'd much rather be known as someone not to mess with than someone that's an easy target. 'Careful what you say to that farmer kid' was better than 'That little farmer boy is so cute when he's mad'. Still, people continued to mess with him, probably because he gave them the reactions they were looking for... he wasn't shy about giving anyone a fight, especially since he had been on a winning streak latley.

It's not like everyone was mean to him, or that he didn't have a few acquaintances, but he wasn't close to anyone there. He was distant, at best, with his classmates.

That's why he really should have seen it coming.

He had gotten a note in his locker that someone wanted to meet him during lunch. He wasn't sure what it was about, but if someone wanted to fight, he wasn't gonna turn them down. And it's not like he had anything better to do, anyways.

As he turned the corner of their meeting place, he saw a guy standing alone with his hands in his pockets. He assumed he was who called him there.

"I'm here" he said, approaching him.

The guy turned around with a smile. "Ah, good! I'm glad you came." he looked down at Epel as he stood in front of him. "You see... aha, this is sort of embarrassing. But I guess I'll just say it. I like you, Epel."

Epel's eyes widened. Then narrowed.

What did he mean by that?

"Issit... embarrassin ta like me?" his brow furrowed. Honestly, why was he called all the way out here (the back of the school) just to hear that someone liked him. If he wanted to be friends in secret he could forget it, he wasn't going to hang around anyone that was ashamed to be seen with him.

"Ah, no, no! I guess I wasn't clear enough. I'm just embarrassed because I'm not good with things like this. I mean I like you... like that."

The confusion must have been evident on Epel's face. 'Like that'... the implication seemed like... boyfriend and girlfriend type liking? But Epel was a guy. He knew that, right?

"Imma boy." he responded flatly.

"I know! Ah, don't you like guys?" the other boy tilted his head. "I heard that you did. Am I wrong?"

People did say things like that about him, didn't they? Just because he looked feminine... He remembered going home and asking his meemaw what the F word meant, since he got called it a lot at school. She nearly fainted. That was in seventh grade.

He went to deny that he liked guys, but paused with his mouth open. Did he want to deny it? He had never really thought about how he felt about these things, honestly... it was easier to just ignore it, and he wasn't interested in dating anyone he had met anyways. But this guy knew he was a boy, and said he liked him anyways. Maybe he should be open to this opportunity?

"I... I dunno." He said honestly, shrugging. "I dunno who I like."

"Do you wanna find out?"

"What?" Epel looked up from the ground at him.

He smiled down at Epel, though his smile was... kind of off. "Do you wanna kiss me?"

Epel looked thoroughly shocked. Red began to tint his ears, and he broke eye contact. He really didn't know what to say right now.

The guy stepped closer. He lifted Epel's chin with a finger, then caressed his cheek with the same hand. "Come on."

Epel really wasn't thinking of anything at that moment. If you read his mind you would just hear static, and if you could see into his mind you would see a blank screen. Was this happening? Was he getting his first kiss? He wasn't prepared. But this guy told him that he liked him... maybe even wanted to even date him. Maybe...

He couldn't even breathe as the guy leaned in. Should he move? Did he want to stop?

He scrunched his eyes closed, heart beating fast, as their lips were about an inch away.

Laughter in his face.

His eyes snapped open. His stomach dropped.

The guy was laughing, laughing hard, and some people were laughing from behind the trees, too.

"I can't believe-- you actually thought--"

Epel was beyond ashamed.

"You were really gonna let me kiss you, I can't believe it!"

"I guess he isn't as scary as everyone thought. He looked really cute like that, did you see him blushing?"

"As if anyone would like a girly guy like that"

His stomach was doing backflips right now. His breathing quickened as he just stood there, tensed up, hot tears welling in his eyes.

"Look, look, isn't he crying?"

The guy that had given him a false confession raised his hand to wipe his tears. "Hey, don't cry. You look so cute that maybe I'll still let you kiss me, if--" he was on the ground before his hand could make contact again.

When Epel got home, he was disheveled and bloodstained, but only a small amount of the blood was his.

Epel was suspended after the guy and his friends went crying to the nurse, each of them sporting a bouquet of bruises by Epel, most of them bleeding too. Epel pointed out that they had been harassing him, but he wasn't keen on saying exactly what had happened, and the principal stated that they would not allow provocation to be responded to with violence. He should have controlled himself, he should have gotten a teacher, blah blah blah...

When he came back to school, people hadn't stopped looking at him. Some of them snickered at him behind their hands. Ninth grade was such a pain.

28. A memory that strains a relationship

The moonlight shone beautifully across the dark halls of Pomefiore. Epel would hope so, considering he had cleaned the windows between the two himself. He was dawdling, walking through these halls even though lights out was soon (if he hadn't missed the check already). Whatever. Vil was already mad at him anyways, and he wouldn't mind fighting again if yelling was off the table now.

He had been hanging out with Jinx, but Jinx had told him to go to his own room already, since curfew was soon. He didn't want to go back though. It's not like his roommates were bad people, but he didn't feel comfortable there-- he rarely felt comfortable anywhere these days. Jinx was probably the only reason he hadn't gone crazy, he thought idly... he couldn't even relax in his own room. This really wasn't the school life he had imagined.

The lounge light was still on. Were some students rebelling? He approached cautiously, not crossing the doorway, just trying to hear who was in there.

It was Rook's voice.

"Ah, but, Roi Du Poison, didn't the little pomette do spectacularly today?"

Epel scrunched up his face at the nickname.

"He managed." Vil spoke while going through some documents. "He would have done better if he had listened to me. Honestly, that child..."

"Is the spudling not in college now?" Rook smiled, not earnestly arguing. His tone was teasing.

"Well, he certainly acts like a child." Vil placed some papers down in a pile, organizing them in some way Epel didn't recognize. He looked tired.

Epel didn't know which he hated the idea of more. Vil seeing him as some stupid little kid, or as a project to be worked on.

He bit his lip, looking down in frustration. He didn't want to hear any more of this, turning on his heel to walk silently back to his room.

In the lounge, Rook looked at the doorway knowingly before returning his attention to Vil, whose back was towards the entrance. The smile never left his face.

Epel didn't hear Vil comment on how he had gotten stronger despite his tantrums, as he put them, nor did he hear how Vil was staying up working on training regimens that would better suit his dorm memebers. Instead, Epel went to bed with a bitter taste in his mouth, and dreamt only of being harrowingly small.

#oh my god this is also so late im sorry orz #debated on posting this for a while since . idk tha tone was kinda . ?? #i love angst but i havent posted anything liek this on this account so i was worried itd be jarring / it would feel out of place #ANYWAYS #i kinda got carried away but ajdjkckvkvkca #bullying tw #9th grader epel . SO angry and SO small #also sorry this is so long im mobile locked and cant do a readmoare orz