#i reallu love the way you describe things

[artcupcakes]

Thanks for being chill then!! I’m gonna leave a very long detailed review on the actual fic itself, but for now here is the preliminary (critique) overview.

Buckle up, AC;; this is kinda picky of me to be pointing this out. I am BY NO MEANS a trained author! Just putting that there.

So I only spot,, about three typos. If you meant them that way, of course!

Carving (divide, engrave) < Craving (longing, hunger)

Withdraws (take away, verb) < Withdrawals (can refer to drugs, noun)

Revenant (revived) < Reverent (respectful, awe)

(I thought “contentions” was a typo but turns out there’s a second definition to it. The more you know.) That’s sort of a minor thing though, the rest of my complaints are just quality of life things!

Awwww AWWWWW “his soul sang at its rightness?” bruhhhhh that’s so cute dude ughhhhghhghhhh in my opinions, how amazing a fic is would be measured by the emotions it elicits from the reader. When I read this particular line, I felt something akin to a punch of pure fluff. No joke, that means it’s really good.

So when writing, you want to try and not use the same word twice in a single sentence! (and if more experienced, connecting paragraphs count, too)

For example: “The ending might be close, but the new beginning was also just as close.” < “—just over the horizon.”

Same thing goes for metaphors and similes (imagery)!

“Which might be why his soul sings upon seeing the rare visiting heisters, It only made sense.” (WHICH IS SUPER ADORABLE BY THE WAY) < “—why his heart flutters in his chest upon catching a glimpse,”

Preference: I normally refer to the characters with different terms so it doesn’t feel quite as redundant. Like for Dallas: “Mastermind, Crew Chief, the leader, the heister, the veteran (uncommon), the caporegime (rare)”

Bain is my favoritest FAVORITE and he gets a lot more: “the hacker (case sensitive, capital refers to Joy), the navigator, the contractor, the guide, the veteran (rare), the Watcher (unused)”

(There’s a neat trick you can do with this: the way the characters refer to each other! My version of Dallas calls Bain “their navigator,” and likewise the hacker thinks “his colleague.”)

I really enjoy gen fics, THANK YOU OP for writing this! Also the dude is stinkin’ touch starved I love it hehdidjsjskxn

(I’m aware that it’s kind of ironic; me screaming at grammar and immediately swapping over to spamming keys. If I were writing myself, I would say I was “alternating/oscillating between the differing states.” The best way I’ve described this imo is as follows: “blinking on and off like some kind of defective binary code.”)

Last thing, most sentences can be combined using commas; semicolons are used when a sentence can technically end but you want to add something more.

AAAHAHHH the hopelessness is STRONG in this one! I NEED MORE PLEASE YEAAAHHHH

ESPECIALLY THE FIRST FEW SENTENCES!!! which I rewrote for you because I really really REALLU LIKED IT

“No matter what you do, death would always come to claim your soul, in the end. It was inevitable, eventually happening to everyone, with no exceptions.

Bain had known this unchangable fact ever since he had the ability to understand his circumstances.

His plans were meticulously lined up, and he had made peace with the situation. And yet, there is a stark dissonance between what he believes and what he does. The navigator would quietly panic about it as his remaining days steadily ticked down to zero. Dread pooling in his gut as the date ceaselessly approached.”

Bain knows that his relationship with them is far too close for it to be classified as strictly business, but he doesn’t care. YESSSSS OP THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING YATAAAAAAHHHHH

All in all, REALLY GOOD for your first post!!! NICE

Spelling, truly my oldest and worst enemy(Yet Grammar as whole I do pretty alright. One of my best subjects even).

Some of your rewrites are a bit too wordy for my taste; but that's a taste thing more than anything. Also me being a scatter brain but that's not the point! I'm so glad you the fic enough to show your passion by wanting to see it to be more! :D

As well as liking that the characterizations. That was something I worry about.

I'll make sure to not over use the names next time. It's a bit harder to do with a character like Bain instead of say Dallas(Nathan, Steele[and all of it's various additions that can be added such as Elder and The], Crew Chief, Banker, Mastermind, Medic, etc) but I'll see if I can scramble my brain eggs!

Either way really glad you liked it ^u^

#I was doodling all day hence the piss poor response time #The Revenant Mastermind #Fanfic Feedback #DesPaaCeeToeee #Sometimes you just need advice from a frog bois #Also the Soul Sang thing could also be constructed as Watcher Bain PDG Fourth King Theory #But we aint gonna talk about that ;) #Interpterion and all #The Revenant Mastermind - Armcannos #feedback #My Fanfic #AO3 Feedback #ACresponds #ACfeedback #ACwrites #textpost #Bain #Payday #Dallas

[shysoftgoth]

tag game

Rules: answer the 11 questions of the person who tagged you, make up 11 questions and then tag 11 people to answer them.

to anyone I tagged: please make a separate post or this will get really long and that can get really annoying

alright thanks for the tag @once-upon-a-thrilll !! 💛💛

My questions from Cora:

1. In your opinion, what's the best thing you've created so far (art, cosplay, food, ur blog, etc. and seriously, what you think is the best thing, not like the most successful thing you've made)?

Oh damn uh. I mean, yeah I'm glad I created my blog but if I'm really whoa this is my best work... nah. sorry I really don't know.

2. do you want tattoos? if no why not? if yes why can't you get them and what would you get?

Yes!! I do want tattoos later!! obviously I'm too young to get them now. I dont really know WHAT I want yet, but I do want tattoos.

3. what do you do for self care?

Usually music, reading or youtube. Playing piano helps me calm down, but if it's too late I usually watch random yt videos.

4. what are some things that always make you laugh?

Vine compilations, youtubers

5. what's a weird habit you used to have or still have?

I used to be really obsessed about eating food a certain way.... It was really weird, I still do it for some part but yeah.

6. any special/random skills or cool things you can do?

I honestly do not know?

7. what's something you really like about yourself?

oh oh oh my hair. aaaaannd just how I can play piano??

8. a song you know word for word? what does it mean to you?

Okay there are a lot of songs but. The first one that comes to mind is Lonely Tomorrows by As Sirens Fall. Now this is a long(er) story so buckle up kiddos.

As Sirens Fall is a small band from the UK, who I know through a friend. I've known them for almost 2 years now. I did a few covers (on a shitty child ukulele while my voice sounded like shit and I looked horrible but that's not the point) which they saw and responded. Basically, the band knows who I am, they recognise my nane in live streams, etc.

For my 14th birthday, the friend who was friends with the band sent me a bday present. It was one piece of paper. With the lyrics of my favorite As Sirens Fall song (Lonely Tomorrows) written out by the singer of ASF. The paper is framed and is hanging on my wall in my room. Its like 1m away while typing this.

So yeah, that's the song I know word for word.

9. what did you do in your free time if you have any?

PIANO!!! BASS!!! READING!!! INTERNET!!!

10. if you had to live somewhere else, where would you go? money and transportation aren't issues

Englanddddd I really wanna live in England

11. something cool you learnt recently? or something you want to talk about?

Yes yes yes there's this song I just learned to play on piano.... and its a really emotional song, like, seriously. but yeah I was just practicing on piano when my mom came to sit with me and listen. so I played it for her (and for the first time with singing). I didn't play the entire song but the part I played went quite well. so I finished, looked at her, and she was crying. that was the first time I made someone cry with my music as far as I can tell. so that was a shock yeah.

okay so now 11 questions for y'all:

1. What is your sexuality + gender identity and how/when did you figure that out?

2. How would you describe your clothing style?

3. Do you play any musical instruments? If not, would you want to learn any? If yes, which one(s) and when did you start?

4. A song you're currently obsessed with and why you love it so much?

5. What do you believe happens after death?

6. Favorite item of clothing? Why?

7. Favorite ice cream flavor?

8. What was your first concert/gig like?

9. What were you like as a kid?

10. If you could hug anyone right now, distance or being dead doesn't matter, who would you hug right now?

11. What song is stuck in your head right now? Do you like it? Why, or why not?

Tagging: @vyukami @baby-ur-a-haunted-house @frnkieromusttdie @gerardslaymoaning @mikey-way-worships-unicorns @mindlessandselfindulgent @khemical-kai

Once again: could you please make a new post for this or this post will get really long and that's reallu annoying. Thank you!!